by minimus 179 Replies latest members adult
And lo and behold, later the lord revealed the stickyness wasn't honey afterall, but rather dog dung. To this very day their progeny has come to be known as shitheads. And the spy who brought back the bad report saying the men were giants in the land had his nutsack spread upon the alter and sacrificed to the lord.
Gumby
And as time passed and the sons of Shittim (as the "Shitheads" were known) grew in number upon the face of the ground, they came to be most excellent harvesters of weed. And people would come far and wide for their most excellent shit, even of the land of Sheba and Shinar and the Islands of Kittim. They were the men of renown.. for as long as their attention could be held.
Then the Lord saw how great Minimus' wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of his heart was to gaze upon the nakedness of the daughters of his companions no matter how ugly they all were. The Lord was sorry that he had ever made Minimus with testicles as big as an ark, and he decided to wipe Minimus and his rotten offsprings from the face of the earth. But Gumby found favor in the eyes of the LORD.
But then a butterfly wafted by, and his attention was distracted, and so he never made good on his command.
And it came to be in the darkest part of the night that the sons of Sunspot turned their backs on MNMS and sought out the Greater One, Gumby. MNMS grew very angry and smoke proceeded out of his nose and the sons of Sunspot were cursed in the land.
As they bowed down to the Lord Gumby, they were chased from the place of worship and driven to the mountains to hide.
And look! On the way to the mountain, Gumby's wife began to whine and complain about the gossipy sisters in the land of Sodom and she turned into a pillar of kosher salt. And after giving thanks to the Lord for shutting his nagging wife up for good, Gumby and his two underaged daughters found some magic mushrooms which they partook of all night long and did unspeakable things which certain laws prevent me from mentioning here.
It came to pass that the sons of Sunspot heard about how Gumby had enjoyed the company of his daughters and were thus saddened that they missed the familial bond. They proceeded to go down from the mountains by moonlight so as not to be seen by those who still worshipped MNMS.
As they approached the tent of Gumby a cloud and a very bright light emanated from the heavens and struck them blind.
they weren't blinded for very long tho', and they realized the flash was from the fireworks that Pokey had brought , in celebration of Gumby's 50th birthday celebration. There is where they saw the throngs, weeping and nashing their teeth, and beating themselves in jubilation, while Minimus was quietly instructing the people to melt their jewellery to make a golden image in his likeness; that the masses could once more bow down to the LORD MINIMUS.......
And the LORD raised up a great prophet, but MNMS cast him down. The LORD then raised up a prophetess, but MNMS ravished her before feeding her entrails and the palms of her hands to the dogs. Finally the LORD raised up great profit, and MNMS succumbed, started a new religion, and became very wealthy indeed.
This is why it is said, even to this day, that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bushel.
I grew weary and the LORD grew weary and spake unto me saying:Son of a mother, why dost thou read the things writtin of Minimus? I could answer not. For when I spake drool dripped from mine lips and mine eyes were glazed over. Thus did the LORD depart and leave me in mine stupor.
