Minimus Chapter 1

by minimus 179 Replies latest members adult

• 

  Rod P

  And the Lord God of Minimus grew impatient with Minimus for not keeping his flock in line. For lo, they let the wicked Pharoah offeth the hook from my wrath of the ten plagues. And now behold, I shall cause these plagues to rain down upon this 21st Century, starting with the Halls of His Kingdum. And behold, they shall come as a thief in the night, for of the day nor the hour no man knoweth!

  Stand back, and know that I am God!

  And Minimus looked unto God and said "But what about Me??!!!"

  And God said unto Minimus, "Lo, I must consult my Oracles to see if thou livest or if I shall cast you into the lake of fire and brimstone, the place where the worm dieth not, because I know how much Minimus detesteth worms."
• 

  HadEnuf

  And then minimus decided to taketh a donut break to get away from the crowds that had gathered at his feet to learn more about the commandments that had been given to minimus to disperse to the peoples who also had given up their sons and daughters to do the works that would be given in the commandments given to minimus but not until after his donut break.
• 

  Mary

  Now it came to be the day when the sons of Sunspot entered to take their station before Minimus, and even J.R. Brown proceeded to enter right among them.

  Then Minimus said to J.R. Brown: "Where do you come from?" At that Brown said: "From roving about in whorehouses and from watching the JWD forum." And Minimus went on to say "Have you set your heart upon my servant Mini-me, that there is no one like him in the earth, a man blameless and upright, and not turning in a Field Service Report every month?" At that J.R. Brown said: "Is it for nothing that Mini-me has feared not turning in a Field Service Report? Have not you yourself put up a hedge made by Bob Vila about him and had his house featured on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous? But for a change thrust out your hand, please, and demand that he go out knocking on doors Saturday morning and see whether he will not curse you to your very face."
• 

  Rod P

  Just then a big brown horney-toad jumped out of the bushes and bit the hand of mini-me. And lo, the hand immediately was covered in warts.

  And the Lord God of Minimus said "Aha! These work way better than frogs. Therefore I shall cause it to rain down horney-toads upon the Kingdum Halls, and upon the elders and upon the servants, and none shall I spare, and lo, they shall all be covered in warts."

  "That's one!" He said.
• 

  willyloman

  Hey! Do you suppose this is how the Bible was originally written? [slaps forehead] That would explain everything.
• 

  Leolaia

  And then Minimus witnessed the servants of Phar´aoh bow down in front of the great emerald-colored image of the Gumby. And they led many sheep, some with dark coats, in front of the Gumby idol and sacrificed them on the altar. And Minimus proceeded to smash his staff on the Gumby idol to shatter it, but a voice instead proceeded from the Gumby that said, "Who is that who tries to hurt me and my people?" And Minimus replied, "The power invested in the bubbly crystal liquid, incarnated in red and round form, is he who doth smite thee!"
• 

  bikerchic

  

  The Emerald City

  Many sheep, some with dark faces.

  

  Minimus incarnates as a man smashes his staff on the Gumby idol.

  a voice instead proceeded from the Gumby that said, "Who is that who tries to hurt me and my people?"

  And Minimus replied,

  The real worry wasn't about Gumby or minimus but rather it was about the sheep. What to do about the sheep? So they devised a plan and put up posters all over town especially on the doors of the local Kingdom Halls:

  and a new religion was begun...........what to call it?

  Belle Bakers One Short a Dozen?
• 

  iamforeverfree

  WHY DON'T jw'S DIE IN EARTHQUAKES? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWASYS IN YOUR DOOR.
• 

  PopeOfEruke

  Upon a mountain high Minimus lifted up his bed. There also Aaron, Mestipholes and Barak the Bear went up to offer sacrifice. And behind the door and the doorpost Minimus set his memorial. For apart from me he uncovered himself and proceeded to go up; he made his bed spacious. He loved a bed with them. The male organ he beheld. And beheld, and beheld, and beheld, until such time as his hand grew weary and he could hold no longer. Then it came to pass.
• 

  LittleToe

  CHAPTER THREE

  And MNMS sent out spies, to spy out the land of Suminim, and they brought back a bad report. But two of the spies, Brummie and LittleToe brought back a report of a land flowing with milk and honey. And lo, they saith that it sticketh to the shoe. And so their progeny became known as those of the house of the drawing off of the shoe, for it was verily sticky indeed.