Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy (page 60)

Aude_Sapere

Hubert -

Thanks so very much for the update.

Please be sure to tell him that our hearts are with him every single day.

Best of luck on the job search.

-Aude

hubert

bttt

I meant to say...LDH (Lisa) ... You have a P.M.

Hubert

bem

((((Hubert)))) I hope I have friends that would be as concerned as you have been. people move to far away from 'getting involved' until it can seem we are un-caring.

Happy New Year to you and tell Mario we send him the best possible things for this new year.

Dorothy

Dear JWD Family:

I miss all of you equally and love all of you very much, even from a great distance and despite the interruptions and delays, I feel a strong bond and kinship, just like real families do and I mean that from the inner depths of my soul.

I am drowning right now in problems. All of you have been strong towers, pillars of support and shoulders to lean on over and over and over again and I cannot begin to thank you all of you enough for the love and humanitarianism, outright kindness and true samaritan spirits you have displayed in my behalf.

Unfortunately, I am getting closer and closer and nearer to the end. I did speak with Hubert and he is a man of his word, a man of integrity and a brother for all seasons. I have grown to love and respect him very much, despite my personal situation and problems.

Lisa, I know you are out there and I need you to understand that I cannot call you in person anymore because I already know what you will say to me, and that goes for Nina, Paul, Sheila, Rick, Alan, Julie, and so many others. I know what you will say to me and I know I cannot talk to anyone in person in my condition.

Marina will be fine and has already started public high school at Cranston West High School in the technical magnet program and will continue living with her Aunt Kim (by marriage to Tonya's older brother).

She is happy and is looking forward to driving a car someday, going to a prom, being normal, ice skating and is already adjusting rather smoothly. She seems to have accepted the situation, her mother's confinement, my depression and dysfunction and is coping well and moving forward in life.

I cannot. Now, I realize I will never, never know what happened that night of the fire in the bedroom during the last five minutes. I know now that no one is going to give me peace. Tonya has been calling me leaving me messages about signing legal documents and being visited, but I cannot interact with evil and disrespect the memory and purity of my little virgin daughter Talia.

Folks, I want you all to know that I did really try very hard to protect those children when I was their full-time father. Neither of the girls have ever had a skinned knee or a bee sting, at least not under my watch. I was not perfect and made many mistakes. I was always late, and always tired. But, I never stopped trying.

I have read online that grieving people sometimes commit suicide because they cannot cope with the loss, or become too depressed beyond reach. Sometimes, they just don't recover or become consumed in grief and can't find their way back to normal. I need all of you to know that I love everyone at JWD very much and you ARE my family!

Talia should not have been disgraced and abandoned to the miserable and horrible fate she suffered and left to die. Talia was beautiful and pure and she was MY LITTLE BABIE! She was my baby! My little baby! And now, she is gone. I cannot bring her back and I cannot explain why. I cannot explain what happened to her and who is truly responsible, in detail.

Even the burning of Tonya alive will not bring Talia back, although it would provide some sense of relief and partial justice. It will not be granted to me and I will never see that sentence carried out. Thus, my losses are compounded and are very heavy.

I love my little girl. I know nothing about death, nothing about the supernatural, nothing about any other dimensions. Talia's remains are in my room and I sleep with them every night. I cuddle with her blanket and watch her only remaining video of her alive, over and over and over again until I fall asleep in tears. I miss my baby so much and I am so so sorry she paid my price for freedom.

She should not have perished alone without a guide or companion. Where was her counterpart? Where was her "Thelma or Louise"? It is a sinful, disgraceful, undignified and shameful manner the way she was ignored and left in the closet. Who will remove the shame and stain from her name and memory? Who would have the courage to follow her along in death?

I cannot live every day with these thoughts any longer and I am becoming more and more dysfunctional. The sadness and depression and grief are one thing and are natural and would eventually become manageable. But, the thoughts of Talia, the unanswered questions, and the manner of her passing are too much and time cannot make them subside or disappear. I have tried and tried and the thoughts are getting stronger than I am and I cannot keep freezing and locking up in public and breaking down when these moments occur.

I am losing the ability to be realistic and to see straight. I am tired of life and tired of making arrangements and tired of grieving and tired of trying to make a new life out of the impossible without closure. It's a burden than will never go away and I cannot continue to carry it.

I will be sending letters and completing my will so that all final affairs will be taken care of without any burdens to anyone. All possessions and property will be sold and the proceeds will be placed in a trust account for Marina. My organs will be donated to children.

I thank all of you for years of loyal camaraderie, friendship, love. I hope every JW with doubts can find their way here like I did years ago and make the right choices before humans can make tragedy strike.

I wish all of you longevity, health, success, happiness, and all of the love your hearts can absorb for the rest of your lives.

Take care,
A broken man who could not find his way back anymore!
MJB

lisaBObeesa

Just keep going one more day. Just call the hospital.....tell them......get help....do not do this to yourself......to your daughter.....

Just call the hospital!!!! You can keep going. One minute at a time. Please. Please. Stay. One moment at a time. just one moment at a time.

Stay. a moment at a time.....for your daughter...

Please CALL.

Big Tex

Mario, hear me right now

Get yourself to a doctor right now. You need someone to talk to. You need to see a physical person in front of you and to be able to talk to them. You might very well need some medication.

You've been through hell itself, it's no wonder you feel as you. My life experiences are as nothing compared to what you've endured the last couple of months, and yet I felt lost myself. There was a time when I truly didn't know up from down or black from white. I thought of suicide, not because I wanted to die but because I wanted to quit the game. I didn't want to do it anymore. It was too hard, too confusing and it just never quit.

I see you in a very similar position. You must seek help. You've been brave for too long. You need someone to talk to, someone who is YOUR advocate. Please promise me, as a friend, you will do nothing until you talk to a good psychiatrist who comes with good recommendations. Please promise me.

It's been 20 years since I've been lost, now that I'm on the other side I thank God himself that I am still here. Please don't make a decision in the valley. Make it while you're on top, that way you see everything.

Chris

pepheuga

chris is right, don't make a big decision while you are in this condition. its not the time to make decisions, its time to get help.

that you're in great misery is understandable, but people on the level know that you shouldn't do anything silly. get help. call the doctor now.

peph.

lazyslob

Mario please call hospital, call somebody, get help now. Please

Lazy

cruzanheart

Don't go, please. Listen to us and get help. You need someone who can help you rest a while until you can gather your thoughts. Dear friend, you STILL HAVE A DAUGHTER. She is not acting as you would wish right now, but perhaps that is her way of coping with the unholy hell she went through. One day she will deal with it. One day she will need her father there to help her, to tell her that she isn't a bad person, to tell her that she too is loved as Talia is loved.

Please, please, please let someone help you right now and maybe one day you can help Marina.

Love & hugs,

Nina

Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy