Dansk, I am pretty new here. Hadn't read your story until today, when I read every comment from everyone. I am sad about what you folks went through, but heartened about the fact that your daughter is moving back home.
I was on the other end of the spectrum. My daughter did a couple of foolish teenage things at sixteen. Nothing as bad as I did, it wasn't a pattern, and she was never in trouble previously. However, the elders that met with her used lies, innuendoes, and harshness. They tried to force her to admit to fornication. Finally, they humiliated her, demeaned her, and disfellowshipped her after making her read the scripture in Rev.--outside are the cowards and the dogs and those disgusting in their filth, and they will burn in the fire with the devil and his angels.
Needless to say, she was devastated, thought that God viewed her as so much refuse. My husband -an elder- tried to stop them, but they ignored him.
We spent two years wanting to die because we felt so betrayed by this organization. The Society backed up these men. We would never turn our back on a young girl and shun her, especially when she was metted out treatment such as this. This is love????
Yes, we have read many similar examples of "love in the congregation" on this forum. I have been encouraged greatly by "meeting" others who have been dealt with similarly. At least, like you and your wife, my husband and I both were totally appalled by our treatment and have not been to the meetings. My daughter has anxiety attacks just thinking about the witnesses.
I have not met any former witnesses. Glad you have friends to visit. We are hoping to make new friends eventually. Of course, like you described, if anyone appealed to you but was "worldly" you must not pursue friendship with them. As loyal dubs, we never did.
Anyway, great to "meet" you and your family.