Hey Ian, It seems you keep sneaking in here to make a quick post and split. Wouldn't be a problem if you weren't such a joy to see and such a splash of warm kindness on this board. Yes, yes, be open and bright. It's the obvious way to go since you do it so well. Happy to hear you have "been contacted". Border Collies are wonderful dogs, kind and intelligent, she will thrive with you. Happy you are here with us, shining friend. j
TORN APART
by Dansk 449 Replies latest members private
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nicolaou
Hi Ian
Just read 'TORN APART' for the first time and wanted to say how much it resonated with my own fears. As you now know, I am still, nominally, in the org' and am treading a very fine line so as to prevent a complete breakdown in my relationship with my Mum, two sisters, and the youngest of my two brothers (you'll find my other brothers story here http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/21351/1.ashx). Very recently, after not going to the meetings for several months, my wife has been "encouraged" to attend again by a well meaning but interfering older sister.
It's a battle for her heart and mind. Her father is PO of another congregation. ALL of her family are at least 2nd or 3rd generation JW's. My greatest fear is to experience with her or the rest of my family what you Claire, Karl and Dominic are going through with your daughters.
It was a pleasure to meet you both yesterday, to see how close and strong you and Claire are is so uplifting. It may take some time but I hope that one day the kindness and patience of two clearly very loving parents will be rewarded by the reuniting of your whole family.
I would encourage anyone in the North East of England who is struggling to drop Ian and Claire a line and maybe, if I'm not being too presumptuous, arrange a visit. They will give you a warm welcome (as will Rosie!)
Be assured Ian that your gift will be used effectively and keep an eye out for your postman, probably around Tuesday or Wednesday next week.
Warm love to you and Claire.
Nic'
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Dansk
Hi Nic,
Thank you for such a lovely worded post - the pleasure was all ours! It's always good to put a face to a poster and we were only sorry you couldn't have stayed longer. By the way, we're in the North West of England - but wherever exJWs are from they're sure of a warm welcome here.
I'll read your brother's story now. I know your own family problems are extremely trying and, as we discussed, we can identify with you.
As mentioned, next time you can get here you must stay over and we'll arrange to have a little get-together with all the local exJWs.
Glad the gift will come in useful
Keep in touch and carry our love in your endeavours. United, we can win this!
Love,
Ian, Claire, Karl, Dominic and Rosie
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Satans little helper
Dansk, my heart goes out to you. I lurked here for a while a few years ago and haven't popped in for some time. It's sad to see pretty much the same stories and the same heart ache being caused by such a misguided group of people.
My father is an elder, and some of the hypocracy I saw whilst growing up was incredible. I was DF'd when I was 18 back in '90 and was completely cut off from my friends and family, losing my whole social circle and complete way of life. 12 months later my younger brother left home leaving my kid sister being the only one left with my father and step monster. My sister was a pioneer during her teenage years but got herself a boyfriend when she started work and eventually dissasociated herself about 2 months ago. So hang in there, there is hope that something may open the eyes of your daughters. As a dad it may be a two edged sword of comfort but with some luck they may meet non JW men that encourage them to wake up.
I got married at the end of september, my father decided it would 'damage his conscience' for him to attend. That was truly the final straw for me and so far as I am concerned he may as well be dead. If he wants to treat me like that then two can play that game. It was OK to keep in touch when he wanted his PC fixed ( I am a software engineer) and to meet up once in a while some place he wouldn't get seen by any of his 'flock' albeit maybe 5 or 6 times in the last 13 years. Despite my not wanting it to bother me that he didn't come to my wedding, I look at the pictures now and am angry that a cult which claims to uphold strong family values can destroy those ties without any remorse. There is no more dangerous a fool than that which believes that their actions are endorsed by god.
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invictus
Dansk and family,
You are really great people.It breaks my heart to read how much pain and injustice you suffered from "loving brotherhood". As a parent too I can to some degree feel your pain of being separated from your girls. As a person now completely free of wt bondage I am outraged how much power one group and their ideology can have over people. With all my heart I wish that one day you`ll be reunited with your daughters.
Your best victory is to live and enjoy your lives to the fullest. Take care.You are truly deserving" Invictus" award.
Invictus
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Dansk
Thank you Satan's little helper & Invictus,
I look at the pictures now and am angry that a cult which claims to uphold strong family values can destroy those ties without any remorse.
Yes, only yesterday while looking for some photographs connected to my work I came across some old pictures of the family on holiday and also in our old home. Everyone looked so happy. My family was loving and close. Now the girls are older I feel they think they have to ACT adult and that they have their own lives to lead (which they do, of course). The sad thing is, they HAVEN'T their own lives to lead - it's all being done for them!
Have you ever seen the film 'Coma'? It's about a young female doctor who discovers that young, healthy patients are being deliberately killed during minor operations in order for their organs to be sold to the highest bidder. No-one believes the doctor - not even her fiance and colleagues(at first) - but it ends with the truth coming out. I feel somewhat like the young doctor. I have all the evidence here that Watchtower is a lying, murdering organisation - but my daughters won't believe me. However, just like the film, one day I sincerely believe the truth will be so obvious it cannot be covered up. I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.
Thanks for your extremely kind comments.
Love,
Ian
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hornetsnest
Hi, Dansk,
Been there, done that. All of it, with interest and wierd sidelights, circumstances, and the works. Ever have the elders worried that you were going to bomb the Kingdom Hall? It would be funny if it wasn't so pitiful.
I started in Service at the age of 6 in 1946. I was never an elder either, for exactly the same reason you weren't. I've been married for 43 years and have 6 kids, and everybody is still in. That would be over 80 people on my side alone and another 80 on my wife's side. My Great Uncles were supplying the Society's inks back in the year 1900, and my mother still has one of their color charts. My wife is still in good standing and is thoroughly respected in the congregation. I've been DF'ed for about 15 years now. We are still together, although some of my daughters are exactly like yours.
If that sounds unusual, it is. The only way I could hold things together was to decide at the outset that if I'm going to be attacked by this "Sand Worm" ("Dune" comparison), that by gum, I'll ride that sucker for all it's worth. Our "loving brothers" didn't know what hit them.
I'd like to give you a gift. If you're like me, it's easy to see the inconsistancies and defects of the Organization. The trouble is with using that as an excuse to leave, is that you will always be answered with the observation that everyone is imperfect and that Jehovah uses imperfect men for his purposes. That has been so inculcated into us that no one has to say it, as it is always there in the background nagging us and won't go away.
It's easy to say that they did this, or they didn't do that, or that they changed so-and-so, etc., etc. All that proves is that they are imperfect, and everybody already knows that, including themselves. That's viewed as no big deal, and to a certain extent, they are right.
It wasn't so much their imperfections that moved us to leave. It was something gut deep and hard to express, something that we know and can feel, yet somehow escapes our ability to phrase in words. After I was DF'ed, I spent 10 years and over a million miles on the open road as a long hauler. This was one of the things I pondered over during those endless nights.
The time came when I needed to explain these things, for they were inviting me to rejoin, and to turn them down would make me look petty and spiteful. So, as much for myself as for them, I sat down and wrote them out. I then personally handed this report to one of the Society's officials, one who has more raw power that a Circuit or District Overseer.
This is my gift to you. I hope that it might streamline your journey, give you a few answers, and remove some of the nagging doubts that are so troublesome in the night.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/16556/1.ashx
My best to you and your lady!
LoneWolf
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Billygoat
((((Ian & Claire)))))
I just wanted to pop-in and say hello! I hope your holidays are going well. Although I'm not in touch with everyone here that much...I lurk a lot and post on the fluffy items. I can tell by reading your posts that a lot of healing has gone on in the last several months. For that I'm so happy and sooo proud! Keep up the hope for Stephanie. I'll continue to keep up the hope for my parents.
Love to you,
Andi
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Dansk
Fabulous letter, Lone Wolf. Very articulately written, very polite - but to the point! My only concern is that I'd be surprised if it was taken as seriously as it should. I once wrote a seven-page letter to London Bethel about the hegemony being displayed by elders and the utter pain and despair it was causing - and I supplied evidence. The reply I got was a fudge and so I telephoned Bethel and managed to get hold of the person who replied only by mentioning the district I was in. He refused to give me his name and it was plainly obvious that if he'd even read my letter he gave it scarcely any consideration. I feel your letter would be treated similarly.
The contents of your letter are superbly put but the organisation is so unchristian it will overlook all your salient points (which is virtually everything!) and brush you off as a bitter apostate who is insidiously attempting to undermine 'Jehovah's loving and spirit anointed organisation'.
Personally, I'm grateful. Your letter is excellent for the armoury.
Best wishes,
Ian
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Dansk
Andi,
Thank you again I know you care!
Ian