Studying with JWs - Confused, Conflicted ... (page 7)

GetBusyLiving27

Hi RebelliousSpirt, here is a link to an essay by Ray Franz regarding the Watchtowers blood policy. I really suggest you read it in its entirety. http://www.commentarypress.com/eng-search-ch9-01.html

RebelliousSpirit

Your husband will be expected to legally fight you in court to block the transfusion. If he secretly tells the doctor he will approve it and then dumps it back on you in public, the JWs will think that the doctor went over your husband's head and he should sue the doctor/hospital. I don't think the doctor will want it dumped on him. Your husband has been out of the WTS organization for some time and you never were a JW so don't understand the situation you are putting yourselves into.

My husband says that if they tried to force him to take me to court with the threat of DF - they would have to DF him. He said if we exhausted every resource to not use blood and still they needed a transfusion, he would absolutely not refuse me the right to allow that transfusion to happen. He said he couldn't do that with a clean conscience because it would be disrespecting our marriage, and that in the end he would answer only to Jehovah for that decision made with an imperfect mind. Maybe that makes him "spiritually weak" to the JW's, I don't know ... but that's something he has to deal with - and really it's between him and Jehovah.

Seeking Knowledge

or he is afraid to make his own way without his traditional family.

So true...Rebellious, I was in a relationship with a DF'd JW who remained that way until our son was born. Then he was drawn back into the fold for the above reason. Granted, we were not married, we were engaged (even before the pregnancy) I had no clue the battle he was fighting for many reasons, most of all because I did not do the research you are doing. Good for you. Truth of the matter is, he kept it all from me, told me what I wanted to hear (still does) and had another plan in mind, one that involved the pressure from his family. He's back in and I'm dirt and this is the hardest relationship I've had to maintain. Granted, we are no longer a couple, but we do have a son so I do still have to deal with him and the WTBT, and the fight is on when it comes to him. Suddenly, everything we talked about before hand, everything he said he would & would not do...are now an issue. BTW, I'm not a JW.

It's good you are asking the questions of your meetings, it's good you have a good relationship with your inlaws and the people you study with, it's great you are going into this with another perspective and a strong personality. What the people on this board are saying is definately something for you to think about. Your husband says these things, but when it comes to the pressure of family & the WTBT, there is no question in his mind who he will listen to.

Good luck!

pleaseer2001

Well, I thank you for asking questions sooner than later! I like the fact that you supprt your husband in such an unconditional way! There is one thing I really want you to think about, why did your husband leave the org in the first place? Why does HE feel he needs to be closer to Jehovah this way? Is he going because of family ties or that he belives this is the "truth"? I think these are questions you as a married couple should be talking openly about! Your concerns are there for a reason, you need to figure out why you are doing this, are you doing this for your husband or are you scared of the choice not to be a wittness. Are you scared of being outcast or the family treating you diffrent? This is something you need to be honest with yourself about. The questions you have about your kids are good one's . I know that for myself growing up as a JW with alot of my family on the one side not being JW I always felt the need for perfection and still find it creeping it's way back into my life! The quality's and values you raise your children with will always be with them! The way they are brought up stays with for life and affects the way they look and live their lives as adults. All I can say is from my own experience, that is that I'm not going to lie but I have made the choice to not be JW and have had the cong treat me in a way that I never want my own children to feel. My Parents yes did not talk to me for many years but I have the freedom to teach my children the meaning of truly aceptance and unconditional love!

Love yourself in order to love those around you!

blondie

He said if we exhausted every resource to not use blood and still they needed a transfusion, he would absolutely not refuse me the right to allow that transfusion to happen.

Just remember that there is not always a lot of time to make decisions and examine all the treatments that pertain to a specific situation. No matter how much you prepare, there will be something you did not think of. Doctors are concerned with saving the lives of their patients and with loss of blood in emergency situations there are not days, sometimes not even hours to analyze the situation and if you add the pressure from the JW community/family...I don't envy you. Get your husband's position in writing...

Be sure you don't tell any JWs. Thinking and talking about doing things against WTS doctrines can get you DF'd too.

Love, Blondie

FreedomFrog

Because he is married to a worldly person, the "rules" are a bit different (I have looked into all of these kinds of things, lol). I have just as much right to my children as he does. And it would be very easy for him to tell them I gave him no choice in the matter.

One question...(hope this never happens) What if you're in a wreck, you're unconscious and one of your children needs blood...and the only one there is your husband...then what?

RebelliousSpirit

You are such a prudent, thoughtful person. I love that you are coming across as totally unbiased here. The Watchtower is certainly biased toward their own teachings, and all of us are certainly biased against those same teachings. I hope you are comparing the types of answers provided here and the types of answers that the Watchtower folks are giving you.

Thank you for the compliment Dave, I really appreciate it. Honestly I try hard to see things from every side before I make decisions in my life.

Your post was really helpful to me, and I really appreciate the way you come across.

The Watchtower may or may not use brainwashing, depending on how you define brainwashing. What they actually do -- regardless of the label we put on it -- is attempt to isolate you from anyone that doesn't believe the way they do. They forbid birthdays and holidays, the times you would traditionally reinforce bonds with family members that are not Jehovah's Witnesses. They strongly discourage you from spending time with "worldly" relatives and friends and encourage you to preach to them when you are around them, further alienating them from you. They strongly encourage you to both attend and prepare ahead of time for 5 hours of meetings, three days a week. They strongly encourage you to go out in "field service", preaching to others in a group of other JW's on Saturday, Sunday, and any other days you can. The effect of all of this is you wind up only ever hearing the Watchtower's side of things. Whatever you hear often enough, unrefuted, becomes truth to you.

The WTS will never be able to take me away from my worldly friends and family, and I have made that abundantly clear to everyone. My JW MIL went so far as to say that if anyone suggested we give up our worldly friends, she would come to the defense of our friends because they are really wonderful people who are important to us and we shouldn't have to give them up. I'd like to see them try to take that away from us.

I will keep asking questions, no doubt. Thanks so much for your explanations.

Seeking Knowledge

Get your husband's position in writing...

ESPECIALLY if God forbid you are not at the hospital during the crisis for whatever reason. Have it put in your children's medical records!! We had that put in our custody agreement, no blood, but I get final say on the issue, so if it's needed, it's my authority not his. I have this court ordered and copies everywhere!

SixofNine

Are you guys even a little pissed off that your hubby's cousin may have been (was?) killed by this religion?

Will Power

There is an ultimate goal in the Art of Persuasion. Get the person to persuade themselves. When that person feels they have made their own decision, they are more likely to stick with it, back it up, even die for it. *sigh* When a publishing company has been in the business of persuasion for as many years as the WT, they have shaped & molded their approach of all good for the good of all.

However, this is not built on a solid foundation. Their own history is everything they speak against, and their present truth is tomorrow's grounds for a judicial committe.

Could this be one of the main reasons you are so conflicted?

You might ask yourself, why doesn't the WT want anyone reading their stuff on their own, (see recent shutdown threats) without supervision, following the proper order of books, timelines, etc. It is so planned, cause the average person sees the manipulation otherwise.

I was also raised catholic married to a great guy for 20 years who then decided to become a JW - they came in thru his fear door. Keep your's closed.

Welcome to the board.

will

Studying with JWs - Confused, Conflicted ...

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