by RebelliousSpirit 278 Replies latest members private
: The more they're teaching me, the more I wonder if there really IS a trinty. Isn't that bizarre?
Hah! Too funny... but I kind of understand. Now that I'm out, I see it not nearly so onesided as we always made it seem. I'm agnostic now, and seriously doubt that a single "Jesus" character really even existed, but if he did, he certainly kept the issue cloudy.
One other thing ...
The ladies at the hall told me not to let my child watch teletubbies because one of them has a magic bag - its obviously magic because its a little bag and big things like scooters and balls fit into it.
AND
Not to let my child watch Barney because it's spiritism.
I was given a stick called a minder and told to smack my little baby with it.
These are the lovely people who will be associating with. They think warped thoughts.
If you are sad about the Catholic Church not being the place you want it to be have you carefully researched other bible based churches? There are some good ones out there. My parents have found one but I am not ready to get back into going to church.
Too much hurt here still.
Rebellious...don't give up on hope that you're husband won't come out. My parents are very strong believing witness's and yet I have put some doubts in my Mom's mind. There's still hope yet.
FF
Rebellious Spirit, don't forget that however liberal your husband and inlaws are, they are constantly warned to stay off the web and we'll be branded as Satan worshippers, anti Christ, apostates or something else!!! Hopefully you've seen that most of us are, in fact ordinary, happy people, even if some are "damaged".
Your comment "My in-laws are such wonderful people, and so is my husband. I want to make them happy" seems well intentioned. However, IMHO the way to truely make them happy is to be true and happy to yourself. If you have doubts and are only doing this to "Please" them it seems to me that much unhappiness awaits your journey. The WBTBS destroyed my 30 year marriage and I really, still do. love my ex-wife but I could never do enough (that was acceptable to me) to make her "Happy". Keep in close contact with this board. There are many very wise and experienced, and wonderful, people here that will be there when you need it the most. The UU, Universalist Unitarian, are an excellent choice. At least check them out. I went once and heard them talk about that they did NOT have the TRuth but they were searching for it and would be willing to truely share and welcome any and all regardless of their "set of beliefs". Very courageous people. battman
Not trying to scare you, just present the facts. Some facts are scary, I admit.
As for your husband's promises, I have no doubt that he means well at this time. But in due course, he'll come under more and more pressure to "do more in the truth", and as he "reaches out" for more responsibilities in "Jehovah's organization", he'll find out that a non-JW wife is a big albatross around his neck. In other words, he'll find out that it's nearly impossible to become an elder for a man with a non-JW wife, because he's looked down on as "spiritually weak" because he can't control his wife. What he does then depends on his personality, which I certainly can't say anything about. He might decide that his "relationship with Jehovah" takes precedence over all other prior committments and promises, since this is a fundamental JW doctrine.
What should you do now? IMHO, quit doing the JW things as quickly and quietly as possible. Make sure you keep your kids out of it (although this is bound to become an issue as your husband gets more involved, since he'll want them to "come to love Jehovah", which really means come to love the JW organization). Begin educating yourself on various issues related to why the JWs are a destructive cult that should be avoided like the plague. Once you get comfortable with such issues, begin dropping bits of information in discussions with your husband that will force him to think critically, in that he must either admit you've got a point against the JWs or he doesn't have an answer. This board contains links to references that will help you in this. I can supply others.
What you do depends on how badly you want your marriage to work. Time and again non-JWs have found that their world is turned upside down when their mate gets involved with the JWs. The newbie JW gradually gets more involved, often to the point of fanaticism. They often come under pressure to pressure the mate into converting, and when that doesn't work, pressure is sometimes brought to bear to create a situation where the non-JW wants to quit the marriage, thus leaving the JW "scripturally free" to remarry. Plenty of people on this board can tell you how this works.
Unless you've been through it, you just can't understand the huge social pressures within the JW community to force family members to conform. This board can help a lot.
AlanF
Something else ... Jn 20:25 says "... unless I see in his hands the print of the nails...", indicating that there was more than one nail used to crucify Jesus - how could that be if he was on a stake, versus a cross as "Christendom" teaches? So which is it??
The reason I was given, was that Christ hands was on each side. The right hand nailed on the right side and the left on the left. If you look in the Strongs Concordance it has the Greek word "stauros" which means a stake or post..a pole or cross. So far what I've seen of my understanding, it could be either. I'm still searching on this myself. I just think it's interesting that they will brow beat you if you say that Jesus died on a "cross".
FF
My Not-so-rebellious newbie friend, let's keep chatting.
You may not have experienced the hot/cold reaction yet, but then you have not made a concerted effort to go against the grain. As AlanF has described so well, you will experience the cold shoulder if they get any idea you will not be joining. An early comment an elderly JW woman gave me still gives me the shudders, "Don't worry, dear, you will get used to it." I had the strongest image of a songbird trapped in a golden cage. I wanted to claw my way out of the building right there. For that reason, I take your Mother-in-law's comment, "Don't expect too much of yourself too soon" in a competely different light. She wants you to go slow so that the indoctrination can completely kick in.
THERE IS A REASON they want you to go through the books slowly. THERE IS A METHOD to their madness. It takes about six months of this dragging, hypnotic pace for you to open your mind to just SUCK IN THE INFORMATION without questioning. The Watcthower society knows the rythm of conversion; if not by design, then it is a happy accident. They want you to slow down so you will STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS. By the way, your hubby's excuse that he has been "out of the truth" too long to adequately explain your questions is a cop-out. My hubby can't answer them either. He advises me to ask an elder. I tell him he is my spiritual head, the elders are not in authority over me, why would I ask them? I asked many similar questions to my study leader, and she quickly changed the subject. I am still waiting.
There is hope for a third way. Back out of your own involvement. Get yourself labelled as an "uninterested one" but not "opposing" your husband in his beliefs. Cut back in your meeting attendance 'till it drops to nearly zero. I go on nights my husband has an assigned part, that's it. As much as possible, provide alternative experiences for your children, and for non-meeting nights, for your husband. I hope and pray your husband lives up to his word, accepts you as you are, and gives up any rights to microphone handling.
So, you may have to face the loss of a child over the blood issue? Could you watch your husband die to honor his beliefs? Don't let your husband sit on the fence on this one. Make him think it through completely. By the way, if any JW-thinking interferes with the two of you in this matter, don't think you must abstain "because the bible says so". Blood is a symbol of life. Blood IS life, because, without it, we die. Jesus gave his blood for all. What is preventing me from donating my life-blood to save another? It is not like the recipient has to eat it.
Weird observation: Why do so many non-JW wives give themselves derogatory names when they sign in here? I am thinking of Worldly Wife, etc.
P.S. I still hold out hope that a "mixed marriage" can work. My hubby and I are pretty accepting of each other and our differences. He goes to his meeting nights, I go to mine. That is an absolute requirement for a peaceful marriage. Unless my husband goads me, I try and avoid any nasty comments about his faith. I also don't try and tearfully demand that he convert or get away from that weird cult. Anger, accusations, and ultimatiums are absolute no-no's.
I think he secretly delights in my "independent spirit". I suspect your husband loves you for yours, too. Don't suppress the part of you that makes you such a delight to live with.
But they don't let up. Is that fortelling of things to come, or what?
Yes it is, big time.
Dear girl: I raised four kids in the "truth" and now we live with a lot of regrets for the years we wasted, the hurt we put them through. My advice: Run as fast as you can and do not look back. Your kids deserve better.
