Studying with JWs - Confused, Conflicted ...

by RebelliousSpirit 278 Replies latest members private

• 

  Billygoat

  ((((((Rebellious))))))

  My husband says, "Well honestly... im sad that things have fallen apart with your studies and beliefs. I really thought this was working out so well. I understand your hangups... honestly its never troubled me. Im secure in my belief and in who i am. I dont feel threatened. Not anymore. Jehovah expects a lot from us. Its not for everyone. His earthly organization operate in a fashion that rubs ppl the wrong way. Likely because its similar to other organizations that have negative connotations. But I told you, if you chose not to, that wouldnt change my feelings about you. I still love you, and nothing will change that. Understand, for me, the end is coming. I know it. I believe that. Even if you dont. And thinking of not being with you does upset me."

  The whole thing is so upsetting. And I know he's not trying to make it that way for me, not at all. But it is very painful to have this division between us. I don't like it. I don't want it there. It's not fair.

  I'm so sorry you're hurting. It really is difficult when you love someone so much to see them pained by your actions or beliefs, even if there is NOTHING wrong with your beliefs!!! But try to take your husband's words at face value. If he truly loves you like he claims, then your stopping the studies isn't going to bother him that badly. I think jgnat has given some wonderful advice. She's living exactly what you're living. You might consider pming her or even emailing her after that. But to follow her advice: LOVE HIM. Treat him like gold. Laugh, spend time with each other, be his best friend. That's what a good wife does for her husband. That's also what a good husband does for his wife. Don't treat him differently should you decide to quit studying. Just keep lovin' on him like you already do. Maybe if you can keep him focused on the here and now, the idea of NOT having you in the New System won't hurt so bad. Tell him to make the most of what you have now. (In the meantime, 50 years of an amazing marriage will have flown by and Armageddon will still "be around the corner".)

  (((hugs)))

  Andi PS: You might also consider saying something along the lines of "Give me some more time...I'm just not capable of digesting this right now. But maybe sometime later I'll be able to. Just give me time."
• 

  Ratboy

  I honestly feel for you RS. It is not an easy road to take when you are honest with yourself. For what it's worth, I wish I had questioned things the way you do as I grew up. I would have had a better life ultimately.
• 

  AlanF

  Rebel, you "DON'T FREAKING GET IT" because it's not possible to understand nonsense.

  Consider Matthew 24:32-41. The passage is about the parable of the fig tree and "the coming of the Son of Man". Obviously, the things described there have not yet taken place. However, until 1993, the JWs taught that all of these things took place between 1914 and 1919, culminating in the Society's claim that "the faithful and discreet slave" was appointed by the "master" "over his domestics" in 1919. That "slave" is claimed to have been most of the Bible Students alive then, led by the small group of men who were in charge of the Watchtower Society, namely, J. F. Rutherford and his group of cronies. In 1993 the Society revealed a bit of "new light" and began teaching that the events of Matt. 24:32-41 did not occur in 1919, but will occur just before the beginning of "the great tribulation", which has obviously not occurred. That radical change, in and of itself, ought to make a prospective JW sit up and take notice.

  The problem with the new teaching is that the events described in Matt. 24:45-47 obviously are in sequence with those of verses 32-44. Since the events of verses 32-44 obviously come before those of 45-47, the Watchtower's claim that those of 45-47 occurred in 1919 are false. Therefore, these people are teaching something demonstrably false concerning the most fundamental doctrine of their religion. Therefore they are false teachers, and by both their own definition and biblical usage, are "false prophets" in the biblical sense. Therefore, no real Christian should get involved with them.

  Like several posters have told you, the JWs expect you to just accept their nonsensical teaching without any real evidence and despite your misgivings or objections. They expect you to blindly accept that whatever JW leaders tell you comes from God, despite knowing (but so deep down that they normally don't admit that they know) that much of what they teach doesn't really come from God but are the fallible opinions of the men of the Governing Body. In other words, they expect you to suppress your thinking ability and become "like an ass" that meekly lets itself be led around by a rope. If someone accepts this nonsense, then they've decided, consciously or not, to be "like an ass". I don't think you're that type.

  For an extended discussion of the suppression of your thinking ability and the Society's expectation that JWs should be "like an ass", see this link: http://www.geocities.com/osarsif/think.htm

  AlanF
• 

  Jez

  I am reading your story continually with interest. You amaze me. Only strong, intelligent people question the power that the WBTS has over people. I ask myself over and over again lately, why did i not question? Why did I just accept? I hate that part of myself now.

  In another post you said that the bible was MAN'S interpretation. Remember, this is literally a MAN's interpretation, not one womens. ALL THINGS ASIDE, just the very fact alone of how they treat women in this organization would make me not even look at becoming a member. There have been threads about this but remember, women are lower than men, they can't have any positions of power in the congregation, including handling mikes, can't give talks to the congregation, must have a 'partner', can't say a prayer in public,,,I mean it goes on and on,,,there are threads about this, but JUST look at the archaic way that women are viewed (weaker vessel) and treated too!!!

  Jez
• 

  ChristianObserver

  Hello and welcome :o)
  
  I am so sorry for your predicament and the confusion and conflict which you are feeling, but applaud your attempts to find answers to questions which are important to you and your querying of those doctrines and beliefs which are accepted as 'the truth' for those who adhere to the (sometimes transitory) teachings of the ::F&DS::.
  As a baptised Jehovah's Witness, you would no longer be allowed to question those teachings and you would be expected to accept any published 'new light' without scruple as it would have been dispensed by the F&DS which, whilst accepted by baptised Jehovah's Witnesses as God's channel of communication, is made up of ::imperfect men:: who have periodically given unclear or erroneous insights in the past and who may continue to do so in the future.
  
  *** jv chap. 28 p. 629 Testing and Sifting From Within ***
  
  But anyone who publicly or privately advocates views that are divergent from what appears in the publications of an organization, and who does so while claiming to represent that organization, causes division.
  
  *** w87 6/15 pp. 19-20 Testing and Sifting in Modern Times ***
  
  How have God?s people responded to such progressive enlightenment? All along, there have been a few who could not accept certain adjustments. These were ?winnowed out.? (Matthew 3:12) On the other hand, how happy Jehovah?s loyal servants are for such spiritual enlightenment! At a time when Christendom gropes in spiritual darkness, the path of Jehovah?s people grows brighter and brighter. Should we not be determined to stick closely to the channel of communication that Jehovah is using, accepting all such progressive enlightenments as ?food at the proper time??
  
  I know someone who accepted a 'Bible Study' and found that what was offered was a study of organisational material intended to lead to the acknowledgement that Jehovah's Witnesses had ::the truth:: and that their interpretations of scripture and their linking of scriptures were the only 'correct' ones. His questions were answered until they became 'unanswerable', and then it was suggested that he lacked faith. His problem areas were the designation of the F&DS; the belief in a literal 144,000 being mainly Jehovah's Witnesses in 20th century USA; the witholding of communion from the majority of Jehovah's Witnesses; the existence of 2 classes of christian within the membership; the absolute acceptance without question of everything published by the organisation; and the blood doctrine.
  
  Although he holds his conductor in high esteem and has met a number of kind witnesses, he has decided against becoming a member because his questions did not receive adequate answers and were then by-passed - this after studying for a year and a half. He has now embarked on a course of study outside of Witness publications. He noticed the [ ] (denoting additions) and the ........ (denoting omissions) and started to observe the persuasive style of the publications with their leading questions. Once he noticed the 'style' of the writing as opposed to the subject matter, he started to have severe doubts about the integrity of the information presented.
  
  I understand your reservations about the blood doctrine. I was struck by your mother-in-law's and conductor's emphasis on blood being sacred to God. That is because blood was considered to represent life, and life was what was important.
  
  May I suggest that you read the information at www.ajwrb.org and the very informative posts at this site submitted by TD relating to the blood issue?
  
  I wish you well in your enquiries.
• 

  XQsThaiPoes

  hope i aint getting in too late. from what I se it is not really a watchtower problem. it is the local yokels problem. Also you really do need to accept the "FDs". One thing you well learn is the wts likes renaming common terms to should like they invented them. What they are talking bout is born again christians. they are saying basicaly what every church is saying except on slight difference. JWs believe that non born again people will live in paradise instead of being cast into the bowels of hell or purgatory. And by the way if you think you are born again and a jw that means you are anointed btw and have to consume the snacks at the memorial.

  also i think the wts is getting so much back lash from smokers they are trying to make obesity a dfing offense too. They are slowly demonizing it more and more and dropping helpful weight loss tips. in a few years they will either turn down smoking or tune up obesity. and being a jw aint really a big deal. heck for some reason it seems that i am in some alternate deminsion because only the few new 30 something eldes take it seriously around here. theyll loosen up in time too.
• 

  Odrade

  it seems that i am in some alternate deminsion

  You said it... not us. From the horse's own mouth. LMAO!
• 

  outoftheorg

  HELLO AGAIN REBEL.

  YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME, WHEN YOU SAID "MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TAKE THEIR WORD FOR IT".

  IF WE DO REACH THAT POINT AND ACCEPT WHAT THEY "DEMAND", IT IS BECAUSE WE CAN NOT SEE ANY LOGIC AND WE START TO BLAME OURSELVES AS NOT BEING INTELLIGENT ENOUGH OR WE TIRE OF THE STRUGGLE AND GIVE IN.

  SO WE STOP ANALYZING AND ASSESSING. WE GIVE UP AND TURN OUR RIGHT TO THINK FOR OURSELVES OVER TO THE CULT.

  AT THAT POINT THE CULT OWNS US. BEEN THERE DONE THAT. HATED IT AND STILL STAYED IN THEIR CONTROL. THE CULT BECOMES MORE OF A HABIT THAN ANY RELIGIOUS BELIEF.

  WHEN I SAY THE CULT OWNS US I MEAN IT. THE CULT REALLY FEELS THEY OWN THE MEMBERS.

  THAT IS WHY THEY FEEL THEY CAN FORM JUDICIAL COMMITTEES AND BEHAVE LIKE A COURT AND DISH OUT PENALTIES AND CONTROL WHETHER YOU HAVE BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS AND PUNISH YOU IF YOU DO.

  DON'T GIVE UP YOUR RIGHT TO USE YOUR OWN MIND AND MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS.

  YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY AN INTELLIGENT PERSON AND YOU DESERVE MORE THAN LIVING THE LIFE OF A CULT MEMBER.

  Outoftheorg

  YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING?? YOU'VE ALMOST GOT ME CRYING. THIS BRINGS UP A LOT OF SORROWFUL MEMORIES OF MINE.
• 

  AuntieJane

  Listen to these people who have lived this JW mindset. DO NOT let your kids get baptized. You are smart, open minded. Even if your husband loves you, please keep your mind open. Pray for his to open up too. Stay on this board, these people are awesome.
• 

  fairchild

  Dear rebelliousSpirit,

  I read through your story, and, except for the fact that I am not married, and don't have children, I feel EXACTLY the way you do. I have been studying with JW for a long time. I don't have doubts about the fact that there is a God, but something is keeping me from being baptized. There are times when I ask myself.. what if it is not the right thing?? Then there are other times that I don't have doubt, it all depends on the day I guess.

  After posting my story on this site, I got very confused by the comments from people. I haven't read through this whole list of comments to your own story, but from what I have read, I am feeling that you too are starting to get more and more confused. I stopped going to the meetings after posting on this site. Then went back to the meetings, then stopped again...

  I am studying the worship book as well. I don't know what chapter you are on, but I had a very rough time on chapter 5 (which I just finished). It was about freedom, and a part about 'bad associations'. I have a few very dear friends who would give you the shirt off their backs, but because they are not JW's, they are supposed to be bad associations. They don't smoke, don't drink, don't swear and are just really nice people. Then it makes me think.. are they really bad associations? Oh well, what I'm saying is, I'm just as confused as you are.

  Please send me a pm some time. I would love to talk to you, perhaps we can help each other.