by Utopian Reformist 1241 Replies latest members private
Good morning Mario,
I come here everyday and look for news of you.
I am not in a position to offer any advice, but there is sure a wealth of intelligent and practical help from members of this board. I am just amazed!!!!!!!!
I just wanted to let you know that my family think of you often and are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there. Things will start to look up soon.
wanna
Hi Friends:
Thank you all again for the great moral support. Many of you are absolutely right! Perhpas, I should use the job loss to my advantage. i should file for unemployment insurance, collect temporary benefits and then use the time off to finish retreiving my personal effects and property form the wreckage. I could finally get all of the thank you cards and letters mailed, and I could get my life straightened out.
Right now, my apartment, my vehicle and my whole life is cluttered and in utter disarray. I need to get myself organized and ready to make progress. My mail is backed up, and so are my messages. I lost one of my cell phones during my visit to Tonya's hospital.
That's right, the staff psychiatrist assigned to Tonya's case at the Eleanor Slater hospital (Womens's Correctional Institute) called me several times and has asked me to visit to conference with hin, interview and help him develop a profile about Tonya's mental state. So, since nothing can bring Talia back to me ever again, and even though I am feeling a very strong desire for vengeance, I cannot act foolishly and have to be realistic. The worst has definitely happened and it can't be undone.
Thus, I calmed myself down. I drank lots of herbal tea, I meditated a bit, and last night I visited the hospital. It was not your typical hospital designed to treat patients. This was ROUGH. It had the primitive appearance of hospitals one might see overseas. The corridors, hallways, rooms, doors and windows were very old and in need of modernization. The place had a very bad odor and smelled of death, like a funeral parlor or nursing hospice care.
It was dreadful and depressing. I made my way upsatirs to ward AM8 in the Adolph Meyer Bldg where Tonya is being held as a patient. The doctors and staff interveiwed me about our lives, about the JW culture, and about the in-laws. I gave them quite a dissertation about everything. They were sometimes shocked and sometimes bewildered. Overall, they were extremely sympathetic.
Dr. Tactatan who is treating Tonya mentioned that Tonya has still NOT greived at all over Talia's death. Tonya is under 24/7 surveillance and has not cried, not wailed or whined or shed any emotion over Talia. As a matter fact, when the staff learned of Talia's passing, they were instructed NOT to tell Tonya anything at all, out of precaution.
Instead, Chris Fuller, Tonya's older brother happened to call the hospital and asked to speak with Tonya and he gave her the news in violation of the policy. The doctors and staff were livid. Anyway, after about two and a half hours of interviewing, they asked if I would stay a little longer and see Tonya in person in the visiting room. I was told that she had been asking for me for quite some time and wanted to see me in person. I have not seen Tonya since the night of the fire in the emergency room.
I didn't know what to do and what to say. I asked if I could see the visiting room first and wanted to know what the protocols and rules were during a visit. The room is small and there is a full screen glass door with a vent for speaking that separates both parties. Obviously, there is no physical contact.
I checked out the room and then I was informed that Tonya had already been medicated for the evening and was in bed. I was told her hunger strike was over, and the force feeding had been stopped since she was eating her meals. I was told she is still very quiet and will not speak with any doctors, professionals, therapists, and will only speak with the nursing/housekeeping staff.
Well, somewhere on the grounds, I dropped my cell phone and it has all of my information. Another great event in the life of MJB this month!
I can't wait to see what next year brings!
OH! Mario! What a rotten break! I think I'd take the suggestion to notify the reporter and explain what has happened. Talk about heartless!
People are very generous at hearing these things---a local couple just lost two little ones in a fire at 4:00 AM when all were sleeping. The parents jumped from the 2nd story and were injured and burned but alive. People have been organizing benefits, bringing clothing, blankets and furniture for when the parents are discharged from the hospital.
I think that if more folks knew of your situation, they could be some kind of help. I am so angry at that boss! Beyond angry, mlore like furios. I can't think straight. HOW can he sleep at night?
I'm just another voice here to send my love and wish so much I could DO something to help......
hugs,
Annie
That herbal tea comment resonated with me. I do not like pills unless they are absolutely necessary, especially mood-altering and sleeping pills. But when I was waiting for my son's diagnosis of pre-schizophrenia, I was under extreme stress.
Chamomile tea.
When I went through my worst time (not that it compares in intensity with yours at all) I drank chamomile tea and it calmed me and helped me sleep.
OK. As you know, it's always about the money, right? That's right. Even after a death,homicide, arson, tragedy, everything boils down to the questions about money. So here is my current situation, (I need some shrewd advice from some of you ral movers and shakers out there):
1. All of the marital property is in Tonya's name (due to a refinancing back in 98...she had better credit back then and we wanted to keep our credit separated).
2. Since Tonya is incompetent, she cannot execute any legal documents, like quitclaim deed, divorce, etc.
3. My original divorce filed back in August asks only for my personal effects and work equipment. I did not ask for visitation, custody or 50% of anything as is allowed by RI Law.
4. The original divorce has now been amended by my new attorney who IS asking for more than 50% and is asking the court to place all marital property in my name. This requires Tonya to be competent to appear and represent herself in family court, OR it requires a court appointed guardian to act on her behalf and make the decisions for her in court and notify her in person.
5. Thus, the process has been held up. The house is worth $150-180K repaired. The outstanding note is only $50K and the repair costs amount to $30K. So, if the court could manage to transfer the home and deed into my name and enter that into the record, I could then authorize repairs and also sell the place after or rent it as a single family home.
6. The next hearing about this matter is scheduled for Jan 20th 2005. In the meantime, Tonya is confined and I have lost my job. Should I continue paying the mortgage for December, January and also the utilities and taxes until the corut date? What if the judges decides against me?
7. I can't collect any compensation without selling the house, and I can't legally sell if I am not the deeded owner, thus I am stuck.
8. If I file for bankruptcy, then I cannot profit from the sale of the home and the creditors will take everything.
Now, here was my initial plan. I wanted to apply to Habitats for Humanity and ask them to simply clean up and rebuild the rooms that were damaged (only 30% of the home is fire damaged). Then after repairs, I wanted to finish the divorce proceedings, transfer the property and then sell it ASAP.
I would then take a portion of the money, and then immiediately approach some creditors and negotiate some lump sum settlements in retunr for paid in full status on my credit report. I could then fix my credit problems, buy another home somewhere else and start over.
Well, let me know what eveyone thinks.
I can't say I blame the employer. When I interviewed back in August, they and I were very excited about the possibilities. I was hired predominantly because I would be free to travel alot and help open new practices in Atlanta, Rochester, Oakbrook and in Europe.
As a matter of fact, I was supposed to travel to several sites in Germany to oversee a SuSE Linux migration for the german national bank (Deutsche Banke). Now, that opportunity is gone. I totally understand that they need someone who does not have therapy appointments, doctors appointments and a locally high profile homicide case coming up in the local media.
Nobody likes to get their hands dirty in other folk's laundry and you can't blame them at all. That's what real family and real friends are for, not employers and work mates. I am sorry about it and so are they, but they are trying to run a business or they will all starve.
Besides, I noticed everyone was getting colder and distant over the last few weeks and people were avoiding conversations. That is always a sign that they know before you do and that you are marked. Plus, I was feeling guilty that people were avoiding me because of the fire and they didn't whether or not they could talk to me, or what about or whether it was apporpriate to ask about the tragedy.
It was uncomfortable and I felt bad for them all. I tried to just make jokes, talk about sports, news and avoid the topic altogether so they could see I was normal and not to be afraid to treat me normal again. But, it didn't work.
Oh well. It's time to call division of unemployment.
Mario,
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was more I could do or say, but I will have to settle for that.
Happyout
Thanks, Lazy and Mystery, for your kind words.
Mario needs someone in his life right now, to lean on, and I'm glad I am close by enough to give him that support, and to be there for all of you that want to be and are unable to be.
He's a great guy, and even though he is much smarter than I am, I feel comfortable around him. I think it's got a lot to do with all the vibes we get from the forum. There is a closeness here that we can relate to.
I didn't get to meet up with Mario tonight, although we did talk on the phone. I am meeting with him tomorrow after I get out of work, for an early supper (dinner) together. Down east, we call dinner, supper. ie: breakfast, dinner, supper... Everywhere else in the world... breakfast, lunch, dinner. One of our New England traits, I guess.
Mario is "hanging in there". He's got a lot of will power, and a good head on his shoulders. If it was me, I would have been a "basket case" by now. Don't know how he does it, but I'm glad he keeps coming right back. WAY TO GO, MARIO !! .....Hey, I'm a poet. LOL !!
Anyway, I just want to say, I enjoy his company, even though at times it's very sad, but I look forward to seeing him and being there for him, and him being there for me, too. We are becoming close friends, and part of it is because of all you fine people out there that have given him all this support.
So, keep it up guys, you are doing wonders for him and his daughter. God bless all of you, and them, and especially little Talia.
Merry Christmas to all of you and your families....
Hubert and family
what a man you are hubert!!!(((hugs))))
((((mario))))
Stop it, Morton, you're making me blush! LOL !! Thanks.
Hubert
