My heart is aching for you all, I am so sorry that you going thru these things. I add my wishes for strength, and a calmer day for you and yours.
Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy
by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private
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Utopian Reformist
I know seems rather harsh to place the burden upon a 13 year old to choose her path, but, this is NOT your average teenager. This is one is practically college educated. Our therapist has been taken aback and amazed by her intellect and reasoning ability, even when it is espousing flawed logic.
Marina needs to grow up and face responsibility, reality and come to terms with her own role in this siutation. She needs to understand that although making such a choice is tough, it is certainly a lot easier than dying in the ICU from smoke and burns.
And, she needs to remember who pulled her from the fire and who cooperated and negotiated away her juvenile charges in return for investigative help. She could be making this decision from a juvenile detention center. Instead, she is NOT burned, she is NOT injured anymore and she is FREE and ALIVE and eating, drinking, sleeping, walking and talking while the little one is dying in the ICU.
I want the truth and I want peace, closure and I need to know who my family is going to be and whether or not I am going to be alone again in this world.
I am sorry for being a hardliner, if you could see the condition of the little one, you would understand why I am so angry and bitter. Just wait till I post pictures. -
Bryan
UR,
Can't the child services see the brain washing Marina has been through? Certainly they would want her away from the witnesses, wouldn't they? Or do they consider the crazed mother NOT a product of an abusive cult?
I understand your concerns. There was a time when I could not trust my daughter, because I new she was asking questions for her mother. And we also ended up with a few documents missing from the filing cabinet. I hated feeling that way, but it's better to face facts, I believe.
Italy is a fantastic idea. I hope she takes the offer.
You will get through this my friend. It will take some time... but there is "the other side".
Love and peace,
Bryan
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bem
Marrio,
Our posts crossed. I to was thinking about this all due to the sensless act of an unhealthy person. I can understand your pain and mistrust. We have to remember Tonya was teaching that warped sense of reality to your daughter. She will need to unlearn those things and have a chance to learn what is healthy and 'right'. You need to chose and control things for your own sake and peace of mind. In my opinion, you have every right to feel unsure of this. I wish you much strength & peace of mind in having to make the choices you will make.
((((((To you)))))
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Utopian Reformist
"After a While"
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
after ahwile, comes the dawn! -
Utopian Reformist
Hopefully, out of tragedy, an "awareness" is awaken and interested individuals will carefully invest ample time in examining known families, friends, relatives and other associations to determine whether or not any of the typical symptoms usually present with these illnesses are manifested and then invoke the personal courage to inform the authorities and intervene before anything tragic can occur.
Please, please, please, do not wait, do not second guess, do not reason away or justify a position of tolerance. YOU MUST TAKE ACTION. I have some suggestions:
1. Inform acceptable, adjusted, balanced and "normal" trustworthy family members of the situation.
2. Chronologically document your observations and concerns and any events, details you have witnessed
3. If time permits, keep a close eye on the situation thru communication, despite efforts to resist
4. If children are involved, GET THE CHILDREN out and socializing as soon as possible
5. List the agencies, authorities and services that can legally intervene, help and take charge
6. Have an action plan for rescuing children, if necessary
7. Watch for sudden changes in behavior, suicidal speech, etc
8. Consult with experts and professionals and get advice and be vigilant
Don't wait until it's too late. We all know of some situations like mine and let's get them under control before it's too late so we don't have any more postings of tragedies. -
Utopian Reformist
I know there are questions lingering out there and in order for everyone to offer their best possible support and help, more information is needed to understand certain issues. I have decided to provide character sketches to help answer the following questions:
1. Why the oldest daughter was extremely obedient and fiercely loyal to Tonya?
2. Why the oldest daughter was able to eagerly participate in the planning and rehearsals?
3. Why the youngest daughter was ignored during the planning, rehearsals and why the youngest did not actively involve herself in the plot?
4. Why Tonya was able to mentally control the oldest daughter and only intimidate the youngest daughter?
5. What type of education and training have the girls received before/after WTBS years?
Marina T. Balletta - Age 13 (1/11/91)
Marina had always been gregarious, outgoing, sociable, loving, extremely generous to a fault and very hospitable. She was very strong at birth and thrived beyond expectations. She was always very intelligent and I began teaching her spanish, italian and latin at an early age. She was a very obedient child and very quiet.
Marina thrived at Montessori and excelled at all of her studies. She was also very athletic. She was my starting goalie in Girls Youth Soccer in Johnston, RI. She was responsible for so many shutouts of other teams, that other coaches begged me to replace her with someone "easier" to score against for the sake of the morale of other players.
She was always my biggest helper in my technology business. At an early age, Marina could re-format desktop computers, install operating systems (even LINUX), and monitor and maintain our home based fiber optic LAN. She could connect devices, run cabling, and handle Unix, Novell and Linux servers in my home office.
She was great with math and doing algebra II at a very early age. She tested and qualified for the Stanford EPGY, and Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth curriculums and programs. She devoured the materials and progressed rapidly. Marina is so nice, she is so worried about her sister now.
She is also trying very hard to attempt to get along with me that last night she actually asked me if I would ever get married again, to which I obviously responded NEVER again. But, she obviously understands the marital situation and is ready to adjust, to which I am very happy.
Talia was a small and thin child at birth. Tonya refused to eat, was depressed throughout the pregnancy (pressure from the local hall to reach out, pressure from in-laws to conform more to WTBS family lifestyle, pressure to just accept menial work and poverty) and thus, Talia did not thrive until the last two years or so where she actually filled out.
Talia has always been very fast. She was a fast speaker, fast runner, fast mover and always like the tasmanian devil. She was exciting and the cutest little girl. Talia was the best looking member of the family. She was voted best looking at school and her teachers favored her quite a bit. I did spoil her a lot because she was thin and I was always trying to compensate by favoring her more than I should have which Marina noticed and so did others.
When Talia was smaller, she was my little sidekick and always climbed on me as soon as I would come home. At school, she would always jump on me and would share her lunch with me and we would eat snacks together. She was always a little fearful and shy, more than Marina.
They both loved "Lord of the Rings, Barbie Dolls, Star Trek, lots of books and classics, computer games, Playstation, dancing, ballet, guitar, keyboards, drums, etc". I always tried to get involved and do their activities with them after work. I played with Barbies and learned how to braid hair, etc.
Every day, I prepared their lunches for school, dressed them, brushed and braided their hair (kiki braids, beads, etc) and drove them to school and picked them up in the afternoons. We did homework together and spent our weekends running errands, going through drive-thru lanes for fast-food and snacks and playing sports.
At home, we rented movies, downloaded music, and had a very modern lifestyle. Tonya was the only stick in the mud. I traveled with the girls and we all took cruises, visited europe, canada, etc. We hit disney a few times and other places.
Basically, it all went south just before, during and after the gubenatorial campaign. I will cover that later, but I hope this was helpful. -
LDH
Mario,
I see that Marina has been Tonya's little stool pigeon, and has been indoctrinated by her well. Her 'reasonings' aren't really reasonings but robotic scripted responses.A little more exposure to the 'worldy authorities' and they will clearly see it, too.
Please don't judge her harshly. Please don't be angry at her. You may regret it one day.
You simply cannot compare a normal, healthy, 13 year old to one who has been subjected to 13 years of deranged behavior. Don't punish her from escaping the horrible condition Talia is in.
Would you be any less resentful, hurt, angry, scared if Marina was laying in that bed right now?
Do not misplace your anger. You did all you knew how. Do you accept that?
Lisa
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Utopian Reformist
Hey Lisa:
Thx for the calls and for being there, I owe you a debt of gratitude of tremendous magnitude! I know I should be patient and keep my head until things continue developing, but it's very hard to remain calm.
I am coping every minute. Every time I visit the site and walk through the house and smell the carbon, the smoke, the chemicals, see the charred wood, and then I see Talia's clothing, shoes and toys in their usual places, still intact, I fall apart and lose all composure.
It's a very heavy weight to bear. I see how organized she was about keeping all of her possessions in order, and where her favorite things were, and all of her posters (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Vigo Mortensson, etc) and awards, certificates, plaques and accomplishments still hanging on the now blackened walls. It is such a tragic waste.
How can I piece all of this togethere again? How will I trust anyone ever again and who will help me? I should not be alone right now. Where is Tonya in all of this? We are once again left alone to recover and clean up the mess after another one of her episodes, tantrums. I am so tired.
I just want to escape. -
LDH
Mario,
If Tonya had breast cancer, she would probably lose her hair and maybe her breast. It is a result of the illness. Tonya has mental illness, her actions are unpredictable, bizarre, strange. That is also a result of an illness.
Tragically, the side effects of her illness have caused you more heartache than anyone could bear. But they are the action of a deeply ill person.
You will keep being strong because that is what is required of you, you are a Marine. Semper Fi.
You are not alone. I will help you. Your friends are reaching out to you.
Lisa