Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy

by Utopian Reformist 1241 Replies latest members private

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  LDH

  please check your email.
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  Narkissos

  Mario,

  Thank you for the updates, however heartbreaking. I really admire your strength and wisdom.

  Both your daughters need your unconditional love. At the present time I guess Marina mostly needs professional care to help her work out what she has been through. She might be struggling with an overwhelming amount of guilt, especially if she doesn't seem to. Talia needs your regular presence, voice, touch. One minute at a time.

  Thinking of you all,

  Didier
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  formerout

  Mario,

  I have been involved in a custody battle with my ex-wife myself, so I haven't had much time on the forum. But tonight I did read through this entire post, though, and I REALLY feel for you!!!!! You are going through more than anyone should have to. My deepest thoughts are with Talia. I also feel for what Marina is going through. (((Mario))) (((Marina))) (((Talia)))

  I tend to have the same thoughts as Happy Guy in that perhaps now is not yet the time to draw the line in the sand for Marina. Her thoughts, no matter how deluded because of her mother's actions and brain-washing are still very real to her. If you push her too hard right now, she will probably resort to the most familiar thoughts... right now, unfortunately those are pro-JW, pro-mom.

  I know this is easier to say than to do but just try to be there for her unconditionally. Any other help, as Narkissis said should be left for the therapist/s to take care of. It's not that you don't know what's best for her, but Marina will be trained by the JW side to go against what you are saying if it is anti-JW.

  As hard as it is, Mario, stay positive. Positive thoughts for Marina and Talia will have the best effect of helping them both. Also, keep getting the support from others for yourself, too.

  Brad
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  Xandria

  (( Hugs)) To you UR and your daughters. This is going to be a one step at a time situation.
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  outnfree

  (((Mario)))

  You are experiencing a LOT of anger right now. But is Marina bearing the brunt of your anger at Tonya and the JWs and her JW family? Brilliant or not, is she EMOTIONALLY a grown up? It seems to me, from what you have posted, that she is not. Therefore, you must continue to be the grown up and SET THE RULES. There is no reason (unless there's something legal?) for you not to decide with whom Marina associates. Cut off the JW influence. Thirteen is not old enough to decide custody issues for oneself. She needs your guidance whether or not she resists.

  I will be making a special effort for Talia tonight during my meditation. And for you.

  outnfree
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  Shelly81

  Mario, You don't know me but I've been following your post about your family since the beginning. I just wanted to extend to you and your family my thoughts and prayers from one parent to another. With that being said, I feel you should just put your foot down and send your oldest daughter to Italy. It'll do you both some good and you wouldn't have to worry about her since she is with family; most importantly with your family. Remeber, you're the father, she is the child, no matter how old she is. What you say goes.
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  Utopian Reformist

  Thx to all of you who posted some really sound advice. Much of it was right up my alley and was what I was thinking all along on the inside. It really is in her best interest to be far away from Tonya's family.
  
  Yesterday, my sister flew back in disappointment by herself without Marina. Now, I will definitely have a fight on my hands plus opposition from the ex-in-laws. So, we will see what happens tomorrow when I make my second approach.
  
  This will be tough. A few of you gave me some other good advice about holding back my tongue and relaxing and being unconditional with Marina. All of you were right. She is NOT Tonya. She may sound like Tonya, she may behave and gesture like Tonya, but she is NOT Tonya. I will have to find another outlet for my anger.
  
  It's just that the more the ex-in-laws are involved, the worse things are becoming and the more anger I am building up on the inside. I need some help.
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  karategirl

  Mario,

  I agree with Shelley. You are the father and you need to decide what is best for Marina. You are not in a position right now to deal with your feelings towards Marina and Tonya an dneed to focus on the Talia and the administrative side. However, you if you and Marina are to have a relationship in the future your best bet is to have her away from the dubs and in laws. Send her away and do not make her choose. She is a child that is currently brainwashed and suffering from guilt and confusion. Being with the in laws and JWs will be the worst you could do. You may lose her forever. You are not in a good mental state right now either. Make sure you receive counselling too.

  Stephanie
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  NewLight2

  Mario,
  You don't know me, but I used to be a regular poster here. I have been reading this thread since Sunday afternoon when I popped in for a quick look at what has been happening here on the board. I'm so sorry for what has happened to shake up your little world!
  
  I understand that Marina's situation overwhelms you right now. But I also understand that she desires to be near both of her parents and her sister at this difficult time. Is there someone that you know as a friend who lives in town that would be willing to let Marina stay with them for just a few weeks until you can take care of remodeling the house? If Marina understands that this arrangement is only a short time, she may be willing to go. Or maybe there is a live-in counceling program that you could enroll her in for a few weeks until the dust settles a bit. Explain to her that you are the parent and that she really does not have a choice in the matter. Let Marina's councelor deal with her emotions.
  
  But you MUST keep her away from the JW influence right now. If you do not - she may NEVER heal emotionally.
  
  NewLight2
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  LittleToe

  Do you have a punchbag?
  It may help to have something to beat the living shyte out of!

  Anger management isn't all about suppression. Therein lies madness...

  You've already received sound advice here:
  You're the adult and parent.
  You have the right to make decisions for your minor child.
  Those decisions extent to associations and upbringing choices such as religion (or lack thereof).

  When she's an adult she can make her own choices. Until then it's your responsibility, as law decrees.

  Counselling is going to be essential for some time, methinks.
  You continue (as a family) in my prayers.