An old latin proverb says a "friend is better than a brother". Lisa, you have become a pillar of strength, along with so many others and I don't know what to say. Thx!
I will definitely need to lean on you for support. You will be hearing more from me over the next few days and I could definitely use your advice on some insurance issues. I will keep you posted.
Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy
by Utopian Reformist 1241 Replies latest members private
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Utopian Reformist
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Nosferatu
I'm so sad to hear of everything that's developing. I hope you keep strong through all of this.
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Mystery
Good Evening Mario -
It was good to hear the comments about you and your daughters. They are both very special and very different. Just like my two sons.
Did you coach Marina in soccer? I have been coaching recreational for 10 years. I could have used her on my team this season!
With Marina being all the things you mentioned; playing soccer, technology, Stanford EPGY, and Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth, why would she want to give all of this up to become a JW? Does she realize this? That she will be 'marked' if she pursues academics. She already knows 4 languages and is a computer genius.
Maybe it is different in RI or maybe the times have changed since I have been to the KH; but we were encouraged to pioneer and not search for ways to better our lives. Will she be willing to give all of this up to be a JW? It doesn?t make sense to me.
Will the JW?s there ?let her? pursue her academics?
Are you sure she wants to be a JW or is her loyalty to her mom what is keeping her with JW Grandmother?
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LoverOfTruth
Hi Mario,
I just found your post last night and have posted your story on TowerWatch.com so others can join the prayer vigil for Talia. I have also given them the Hospital address so cards can be sent.
-Dianne
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Happy Guy :)
1. Why the oldest daughter was extremely obedient and fiercely loyal to Tonya?
2. Why the oldest daughter was able to eagerly participate in the planning and rehearsals?
3. Why the youngest daughter was ignored during the planning, rehearsals and why the youngest did not actively involve herself in the plot?
4. Why Tonya was able to mentally control the oldest daughter and only intimidate the youngest daughter?
5. What type of education and training have the girls received before/after WTBS years?
UR, my kids were abused for years until the Youth Protection intervened. My youngest was not affected the same way the older one was. Why I do not know. I always expected my older son to be wiser because he was older but overall he was more easily controlled and manipulated by his Mom.After youth protection intervened my older son was only months away from being 18. A few months later he finished high school and he went of to college about 6 hours drive from here.
At this time my ex had been court ordered to provide child support. She made an arrangement to provide her combined obligation of support for the two children to be sent to our older son who had higher expenses at college. I was okay with this and it seemed to make sense to me.
What happened is that she sent money only two months and then discontinued it. She told our son (by then 18 and a half) not to tell anyone because she would get into trouble. She made him swear not to say anything. Well he didn't and he consequently had no money for food after all his expenses were paid. A little over 2 moths went by before he phoned me and by then he had lost over 40 pounds due to lack of food. A week later he came home on school break and he was so skinny it was unbelievable and he had been eating steadily for a week since I had wired him extra money. It took him months to regain the weight. I can never get over the control she had over him to get him to almost starve himself to death and he was 18 and a half years old! Even his girlfreind wanted to phone my to tell me what was going on with his Mom not sending the support money for his food and he made her promise not to because his Mom would get into alot of trouble (Incidentally it was the same time frame that she sold her house and bought a cheaper one and pocketed an extra 50k in the process).
Right after his Mom was hospitalized for her mental illness and he realized that she damn near killed him - rather by following her demands he damn near killed himself. It took this event for him to finally realize even though he had been through years and years of abuse. She had always managed to convince him that somehow he had brought it on himself.
If I had anything to suggest it would be to not get angry for Marina being brainwashed. Just show her through daily expression the massive difference between your loving and kind ways and her mother's paranoid hostility. Also try to expose her to your extended family (assuming they are normal and loving)
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kat2u
Just wanted to let you know that mt family and I are sending you and your girls positive thoughts this weekend. Hope things are looking better.
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Utopian Reformist
Dear Mystery, LDH, Mosferatu, Bebu, Kat2u, Happy Guy, and anyone else I have missed; Please once again accept my sincerest thanks for the excellent and timely advice. I certainly need as many "heads" and "sets of eyes" to help me figure things out right now and definitely have my hands full.
Well, this past Saturday morning, my sister who flew in from Italy with the hopes of taking Marina on a year-long vacation, had to fly home by herself yesterday from Boston. It seems Tonya's parents were prepared for the discussion that took place that Saturday morning and basically had already altered Marina's mind into refusing to travel away from the situation.
I was sorely disappointed. My daughter would rather continue a relationship with Tonya, Tonya's family, and the JW's than have faith and trust in her own father. Here I am, I have literally saved this child from the fire with my own hands, and negotiated away the juvenile charges, and now she is safe, free and out of danger, and yet she cannot fathom the love I have for her and her sister.
She does not realize the danger of continuing association with the ex-in-laws and the JW's at the hall. She does not realize that her insistence is placing more distance between us and that this time, I am not budging. I am not giving in as I have so many times in the past. This time, a final and permanent dividing line is going to be drawn between all of us. For her sake, I hope she winds up on the same side of the line where I am standing. If not, I am going to lose another daughter, but, I am not backing off and no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the costs, no matter what the consequences, no matter what the risks, I AM DETERMINED TO SEPARATE ONCE AND FOR ALL FROM THESE PEOPLE!
If I have to go forward alone in life, and without Marina, then I will, but, Marina and the ex-in-laws will be forever denied access to Talia because I will barr visitation, prevent access and Marina will be forced to choose between Talia and I, or the JW's. I will not tolerate both or allow sharing of my children. This is it!
Now,onto the medical news. Since Talia's lungs and overall ventilation were not improving at a "fast" enough rate (although I don't understand why everything has to happen quickly). Thus, in order to stimulate improvement, in order to improve ventilation, and in order to make suction and bronchoscopy procedures more effective and less intrusive, the specialists had been recommending a "tracheostomy".
Today, the procedure was carried out. Unfortunately, Talia's vitals were not strong enough to sustain transport to the operating room, and the procedure was performed in the ICU. It was successful. However, as has been the case after every procedure, Talia's vitals and other systems have all suffered setbacks and have returned to critical/danger zones.
So, we are now in anxiety mode, hoping for some hidden reserve strength on Talia's part to make it through the evening into tomorrow.
I am nervous, anxious and nauseous all over again and very worried. I am so scared. -
candidlynuts
thanks for the update.. your older daughter may come around in time. you know she wont find long term comfort or help thru her disfunctional jw family. there will come a time when she turns to you with her doubts and her need for answers and help. just remain open for her. i really sincerly hope for the best .
your younger daughter.. i hope the procedure will ease some of her suffering and my heart goes out to her and to you. hugs
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Happy Guy :)
It is surely alot to be dealing with: worrying in one aspect for one daughter; and worrying in a whole different aspect for the other daughter.
I don't question your judgement, as you are the father and know best but, I wonder if there is any reluctance on Marina's part to be seperated from family in distress right now. Aside from the obvious, in Talia's distress, could she also be concerned about abandoning her Mom who she probably still loves and worries about since she is not well and facing charges?
Maybe she is not ready to leave those in distress right now regardless of it being a good thing for her? I know you're fed up with the JWs and I would not be surprised if they are playing their own game on her emotions right now but, maybe taking a stand of drawing a line in the sand is a matter of timing and maybe it is too soon for that?
There also may be some emotions of blame which Marina is suppressing. Perhaps if you make comments to let her know that as a child she does not share in blame for being manipulated by a parent, this will help to break down some walls of resistance.
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Utopian Reformist
Mentally, my mind is ready to work for Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey's Circus as a juggling act. I have so many considerations and stmuli going on all at once it is impossible to keep up with it all. Never have I needed a second right hand person, partner or assistant as I do right now.
I know some of stances may appear a little sudden, angry and harsh and inconvenient at the moment, but I am running out of time and have to attend to the damaged home, my apartment, my employer, the insurance, medical bills, finding alternative treatments, scheduling visits, returning phone calls and messages, and I am currently in the middle of preparing for two upcoming exams in mid-December.
I am swamped. That's predominantly why I needed Marina to travel overseas and reduce my level of anxiety for at least six months to a year. Schooling, counselling and asthma medication had already been pre-arranged along with travel and other details. Someday, she will realize she made a grave mistake following the advice of Tonya's family which is only interested in harvesting information from Marina in order to protect Tonya and possibly fight for custody of the girls.
I, of course, will not spend the rest of my life fighting off the JW's. Life is short. People make choices and I have to figure out what is best for the dying child. I am the only friend she has right now (besides everyone at JWD) and am the only one not connected to the family dynamic responsible for corrupting Tonya and Marina. If people make the wrong choices, then Talia and I will start a new life and hopefully someday, Marina will awaken and realize who her true benefactors are and come to her senses.