Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy

by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private

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  bem

  Hello ((((((Mario))))), Yes always, we need to hug and love those young'uns. Reminders are always welcome. Good to hear from you.

  Dorothy
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  Utopian Reformist

  Greetings Family:
  
  As some of you may know, I had been attending a regular stream of therapy sessions at two different agencies. The primary agency (assigned by the court system) was "Children's & Friends Services" located in Providence, RI.
  
  Marina and I were originally assigned to a therapist and we visited the agency twice weekly for our appointments. Recently, the therapist (pregnant with twins) was arranging her substitute to transition and continue our therapy while she is out on maternity leave. Marina and I were sad, but very happy for the therapist who is a remarkable person in too many ways.
  
  Well, I guess the substitute therapist did not work out. Marina is seeing someone different and receiving additional counseling at school. I learned that during the last few stages of personal darkness, I was in danger of vioanclating the court order to continue therapy and treatment. I did miss more than three appointments. On one occasion, when I missed appointments, RI State Police were dispatched to my apartment to apprehend me and I was taken to Butler Hospital. Therefore, I learned after a third visit to a hopsital by force to simply comply as much as humany possible with the treatment plan.
  
  Since a transition was taking place, the therapist requested a visit to review the new and revised treatment plan for Marin and I. Unfortunately, I missed the appointment and several rescheduling attempts also failed as I was very sad at the time and could not muster strength to face the public.
  
  Since then, a letter arrived yesterday indicating the appointed therapy has now been "cancelled" by a court-appointed social worker and our joint case has been closed. I was advised in the letter to continue seeking counseling from any other alternative source.
  
  Obviously, without employment, I do not currently have medical insurance and cannot afford professional counseling. Well, lately, the spontaneous generosity and kindness of friends and strangers has been EXTREMELY OVERWHELMING and timely, to say the least.
  
  The dear souls (Ann-Marie & Kathleen) from the RIVASC victim's support agency contacted me yesterday to make me aware that Marina and I are entitled to take advantage of up to $25,000 in medical assistance for professional counseling and psychiatric care. The grant is from the State of RI - Attorney General's Office and is designed to assist families of crime victims in coping with tragedies. Apparently, the funds can be used with any willing psychiatrist / psychologist who will accept this form of payment. Also, I was informed via e-mail from RIVASC that Marina and I can attend seminars or workshops dealing with tragedies, grief counseling and support groups.
  
  I know this may sound trivial or perhaps second nature and just par for the course, but I never understood the extent or depth of help that is available and how to access services until our tragedy came into our lives.
  
  I am so grateful. RIVASC is connecting us with the famous "Dr. Therese Rando, P.hD., Psychologist and Thanatologist". Her website address is: " http://thereserando.com ". I had heard of this doctor before and cannot believe she is located in RI. I am also shocked that a state agency would cancel our therapy, close our case and then one day later, we are connected with a recognizetd expert in loss counseling.
  
  Thank you all for your cards, support, donations, gifts and everything y. ou do for us. I can only ask that you please be patient with me as I attempt to return to work as soon as possible and I can begin the path to secular recovery. I also ask that all of you please ensure your return mail address is provided in your cards and envelopes as I absolutely insist with all possible respect and grace, that you allow me to reimburse you for your generosity.
  
  You cannot know how many times I have reached absolute financial destitution during the last several months, and then suddenly, like a miracle, your cards and letters would arrive, and inside I would read words that gripped me and made me cry, and I would also find your incredible generosity. And somehow, I would make it another week. I have cried so many times opening your letters. You know who you are and some of you have chosen to remain anonymous. You have lifted my spirits, and at the very same time, touched me so deeply that I have wanted to feel the pain of Talia's burns and suffer as she did to be with her in spirit.
  
  I just wanted all of you to know (especially Bebu, BEM, Dorothy, Angelina, Hubert, LDH, Narksissos, Tex, Avishai, etc...) that I truly love all of you and consider you my family, no matter what the situation, condition or distance.
  
  Thx again for saving me, I don't understand why and I get more and more confused each time it happens and it makes me cry like an infant, but I can feel the love and it is humbling. I am so sorry Talia is gone and does not know what is happening because she would have been proud.
  
  MJB
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  Bryan

  Mario,

  It's great to hear form you... and two days in a row!

  I'm so happy thing are working out for you bit by bit. A recovery of this magnitute will take some time and we will be here throughout. I'm so happy your life is going forward, though slow it may be, forward is always good.

  Take care,

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
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  Sunspot

  Dear Mario,

  You sound much more hopeful. It's so great to see that! As far as your "case closed" surprise, this looks like a case where when one window closes, another one opens! Apparently the substitute therapist wasn't working out and now you have the option of so much more open to you and Marina in the line of services being made available to you now. I see this as a real blessing.

  I know this may sound trivial or perhaps second nature and just par for the course, but I never understood the extent or depth of help that is available and how to access services until our tragedy came into our lives.

  There is no way that this seems trivial, etc. Maybe you're just beginning to come to the surface after mentally "shutting down" and seeing things more clearly now. Climbing back up out of the pit of despair is a long journey---but it can be done. It looks as though you are experiencing "coming back" and coping nicely.

  This is a totally personal journey, and one only you can make. Others are there for help, support, offer options and give complete love and compassion to one suffering life in this pit. It's frightening, I know, having been there myself. I have been hospitalized in the "worst" level, or ward in the place and spent weeks getting better and "going through" the "better" wards until I went to "staff" and was able to return to society. I don't usually talk about this, but I really have gone through the same feelings of desperation and not feeling as if I was worth anything at all.

  This was many years ago, in the mid 1960's, and it was a horrble time for me, but as years went by, and the times I have gone through some awful things......I have never felt that empty, desperate, hopeless feeling ever again. I have been depressed, but never to that extent again.

  I am bringing this out to show you that you can rise above this, and go on to live a full life. Thankfully, the pain of horror and tragedy does fade and doesn't smack you in the face each morning when you open your eyes. It does subside in time. Making it through until that time is what you're facing now.

  You know and acknowledge that you do have a wonderful support base from folks there and more folks from this board. We love you and care about you very deeply. We look forward to every word you write, and are here to offer you any support we are able to. You're a good person going through a very bad time.......but, You're going to do just fine!

  Love & hugs,

  Annie
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  bebu

  Wow, that's just amazing! Within one day, you lose the court-appointed counseling and then gain access to a renowned grief counselor! I looked at Therese Rando's books, and they are amazing, too. I think I will end up getting one or two of these for myself. Edited to add: HOORAY for RIVASC!!!!

  I'm so glad to know that you have been carried along by people who post (and lurk even) on this board. What an incredible blessing that must be! What a salve to your soul.

  Thanks for writing us again, Mario. What a wonderful update, even in just one day. You inspire us by your tenacity, even though you feel so fragile.

  bebu
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  LyinEyes

  ((((((((((((Mario)))))))))))))

  I can not express in words the dept of feelings your post had made me feel. Your words about missing your daughter are so powerful, so full of such emotions.

  I don't know what you believe Mario about an afterlife,,,,,,,as ex JW's we all have so many different views now, and I can tell you that I am not even sure what I believe. But, I can tell you that I opened my mind and now I feel closer to my Mother who passed away 20 yrs ago, than I ever did when I was a JW.

  In the last three years,,,,,,,I have had a reawakening of her within myself. I have to wonder if she is out there somewhere still a part of my life, and that she was all these years but being a JW, I refused to see it. Sometimes I go outside and I sit under a big tree and I hear and feel the wind blow the leaves,,,,,,,,,and I can almost feel like she is there. I have dreamed of her, she and I talking,,,,,,,that seem so real. When we love someone so much and they pass,,,,,,,,,our relationship with them is still there, in away. Just on my personal experience , I have had experiences that leads this self proclaimed "unbeliever", to believe that there is something very strong and spiritual out there. And that my Mother is definatly out there and possibly is with me , even thou I don't know it for sure.
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  love2Bworldly

  Hi Mario--I am pretty new to the forum and just now read your story. I haven't finished reading everything, just the beginning and the end. I am at a loss for words at this story. I extend my sympathy to you and your surviving daughter. I am not sure what to say other than I will pray for you and your family. Be patient with yourself as far as the emotional healing process. I feel like crying today because of your story, and the one unfolding in the news about the father who murdered his daughter and her friend. I have 3 children and cannot imagine life without them.

  Please hang in there, one day at a time. You have a lot of support on this website.
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  love11

  I'm so sorry to hear about the horrible circumstances and the loss of your daughter. I can't imagine having to lose my baby girl. You must be a very strong man. I would probably end up in a mental institution. But I am glad that you are trying, to the best of your ability, to carry on. Your story fills me with strength in the fact that, even after such a horrible thing happens in your life, you still are living and trying to make the best of things. I give you alot of credit. I hope you and your other daughter are healing and trying to find peace with yourselves. Enjoy each day together and don't feel bad about being happy, it doesn't mean you don't love Talia. It just means that you also need to love yourself and Marina, and that means living the best life that you can. It may take years before you can just remember the good without all of the bad, but you owe it to yourself to have a good life from here on out. You deserve a little alot of peace and love. Take care, my thoughts are with you both.

  Love
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  Shania

  Mario, we are so proud of every little step you make to feel better. We love hearing from you and want you to always express your saddness here..........we have big shoulders to carry it for you.............Take it one day at a time-------and cry all you want ------------it is your pain and only you know how much it hurts and it is so important to let it out. I wise friend said "tears are the savety valve of our heart, you have to let them out to protect our hearts from breaking in two" So know my friend we will always be here for you!
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  bem

  ((((((Mario)))))) Such a joy to see your recent post, I agree with what sweet Sunspot said,

  As far as your "case closed" surprise, this looks like a case where when one window closes, another one opens!

  I am so thankful that you have another therapist and I am glad there are folks that take enough time in there lives to help others, unconditionally. Of all the reasons I have benefitted from this forum, the chance you have given us to help you has been the sweetest and most rewarding. Although none of us would ever have wanted you to suffer this awful tragedy that has came upon you. We're, I have no doubt benefitting in human emotional terms as you are. Thanks for letting us in your life.

  (((((Dede)))) hello sugar your words are like a breath of fresh air your so honest.

  Dorothy