Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy

by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private

• 

  outnfree

  ((((Mario))))

  I just caught up with about three weeks of posts on this thread. I am so grateful that you are still here with us, still processing your enormous loss, and still persisting on the road to better mental health and overall well-being.

  When you wrote of wanting to save all of Talia's things -- seeing them, touching them as a way to be in closer contact with your baby, I nearly cried. I understand this so well. When I was 19 my dad died, and I kept one of his shirts near to smell it for the longest time. Right now, I have a handkerchief of my mom's in my bedroom. It doesn't really smell of her anymore, but it did for a while and I just like to have it near. What I've done recently, when I've felt the need for their support somehow, is to place a piece of jewelry of my sister's and mom's, and a small medal my dad won, in my medicine pouch which I carry in my purse. The act of placing the items in the pouch and sort of inviting their presence into my day is soothing to me. Of course, the most recent of these deaths is 18 months ago, so I have had more time to mourn than you, plus it wasn't my little girl. But I offer this as an idea for something you might find helpful in the future. To keep a small piece of Talia with you, rather than having all her things constantly before you.

  My heart goes out to you and at the same time I'm cheering inside, because you are doing so well!!! To know that you and Marina are carefully renewing your relationship is wonderful! That you are spending some time doing something you truly enjoy -- football/soccer -- is a positive thing! And sharing it with Marina? Fabulous!

  I can't say it often enough, Mario. You are my hero. Never mind second-guessing yourself. It comes through very well in your posts just the kind of man you are: a caring, decent human being and loving, dedicated father. Believe it. Please.

  Love,

  outnfree
• 

  hubert

  ((((Mario))))

  Although I may have in the past, I don't like to post anything that will make you feel sadder than you already are.

  But, my wife and I have a thought that you might consider.

  2 years ago, our neighbor was expecting triplets. She carried them all the way to birth, and when they delivered, they found one had died, aspyxiated from the umbilical chord. They were monitoring her very well, but didn't realize one heart wasn't beating anymore, because of multiple heartbeats. It was a very sad time for all us neighbors, too. They are wonderful, kind people.

  So, after a time of grieving, they had a little ceremony, and planted a lilac tree in behalf of the boy that they had lost, and a plaque with his name and birth date, and placed a little stone angel that looks like it is playing on the ground next to the tree. Our neighbors have recently moved, and very soon now, as agreed by the new owners of the house, will dig the tree up and re-plant it at their new home, along with the stone angel and plaque.

  I am writing this so you can see that maybe you could do this, also, or something along this line, for Talia's birthday. If you do something like this, we would like to be there too, if you feel you can handle us being there. If not, it's okay, too.

  I hope I didn't make you too sad. I don't like to suggest things to sadden you, but I felt you should know this option.

  Mario, we all love you, and are looking forward to your healing, along with Marina.

  Very sincerely, your buddy(s),

  Hubert and wife
• 

  hubert

  (((((Mario)))))

  Looking for an update from you, old friend.

  Hubert
• 

  Sunspot

  BTTT

  I agree with Hubert! We'd love to hear from you---even just a few words!

  love & hugs,

  Annie
• 

  Utopian Reformist

  Dear Family:
  
  I hope all are well and happy and enjoying spring. Our weather is still gloomy, depressing and cloudy most of the time.
  
  For several days, I have not been able to contact Marina. Through the outsider grapevine (local so-called apostate rumor mill), I found out Marina lost another cell phone. I feel sorry for her trying to remember things because I know I am not able to exert my best focused concentration on anything.
  
  Lately, I have been worried about Marina. The trial is eventually getting closer and closer and she is still living with the family of a woman that attempted to burn her children to death. I have been notified on several occasions by the Attorney General's office and the RI State Police that Marina is in fact a primary key witness for the prosecution and the state agencies are wholly intending to secure her cooperation, presence and testimony at the criminal trial.
  
  Due to the nature of the offenses, the gravity of the consequences and the plethora of charges filed against Tonya, I am starting to become concerned for Marina's personal safety and mental well-being.
  
  Here are my reasons why:
  
  1.She is the only other person alive who was in the bedroom when Tonya started the fire, thus only she can tell the truth about those last ten minutes my Talia was alive and how she became trapped in the closet.
  
  2.Marina's testimony will have a direct affect on whether Tonya receives a very harsh sentence or she receives leniency from the court. Remember, in RI Judicial History, no female ash ever been convicted of Life without Parole.
  
  3.If Marina tells the real truth, how will the Fuller family react towards her after the trial? Will they continue caring and supporting her, or, will they disown her and turn her into a cinderella like step child and treat her cruelly? Would they harm her physically? I believe they are capable of almost anything as desperate religious fanatics.
  
  4.If Marina lies to protect her mother (APS & Stockholm syndromes), will she understand she is being disloyal to Talia? Will she then avoid me out of shame and guilt?
  
  5.Is Marina in danger of committing suicide? I believe she is in danger. At some point, she will have to face herself and her conscience will determine whether she moves forward or becomes distraught over everything. If she lies to protect her mother, she may feel very guilty later and feel like she betrayed her sister and I and then she might become self-destructive to act out her own personal penance.
  
  She might also tell the truth, and then still feel guilty because the Fullers and the JW reasoning and guilt may over power her into believing she betrayed her own mother to the authorities and violated Fuller family confidence, thus she may still harm herself in some way.
  
  In either scenario, Marina is in danger. She probably doesn't even realize that her so-called mother is the evil person who placed her in this precarious position. How can I go on every day knowing this and worrying while I am still grieving day and night over my Talia?
  
  I cannot believe the tentacles of this clan continue reaching into my life making chaos and tragedy. You cannot fathom how much I want to personally destroy all of them with my bare hands and take pleasure in burning them all by fire.
  
  I am so angry at all of them and literally hate them with intense passion. I know that is wrong, counter-productive and costly, but, I cannot help the feelings.
  
  I just wanted to vent today and see if anyone understands Marina's predicament and maybe offer some suggestions. I thank all of you for the comments and words and support. I would ne be here if it were not for a whole bunch of you!
  
  MJB
• 

  cruzanheart

  The best thing you can do for Marina right now is concentrate on YOURSELF, Mario. Work through your issues and try to avoid "what-if's" about Marina. If you are on the road to recovery, you will be of immeasurable help to her if any of those scenarios come true. So continue to take baby steps for yourself -- you know that old 12-step phrase? "Let go, let God." At least let go for the time being and take care of yourself. Marina has a roof over her head and people who are making a pretext of caring for her. The future is unwritten.

  Poor Mario, it is hard enough to lose one child without having all of this on top of it. Hang in there, my friend!

  Nina
• 

  happyout

  Mario,

  I wish I had the wisdom to give you healing words, and a solution to all your challenges. Instead, all I have is love for you and Marina, and prayers that you will both pull through.

  You are always in our thoughts, minds, and prayers, and we are all sending you our most positive vibes.

  Happyout
• 

  hubert

  bttt
• 

  Aude_Sapere

  Mario -

  I have no answers for you. Just fondness and support during this difficult time.

  Thoughts that come to mind are: Truth. We must always speak the truth. Even when it is difficult. Truth is very powerful. It will come out, eventually - one way or another. The truth can change lives.

  I have been in similar situations with minor children. (No wheres near as traumatic as yours - but still tough: Child Abuse, also Attempted Murder.)

  One child abuse situation we had the opportunity to bring to light the extent of it back in the late 70's. A couple of us (in the org.) decided to downplay the extent. It became a MUCH bigger issue about 15 years later. The truth eventually came out but many more people were hurt.

  Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is to just be there.

  Sounds like Marina will be suppoenaed. She will have to tell the truth. Painful as it is, the truth needs to be told.

  Maybe letting her know that you are concerned (frightened - ??) about any outcome, but will be there to see her thru and that you both will live your lives knowing that you spoke truth. People who truly love her will know that she is doing what must be done even though it is so painful.

  I really feel for Marina. This is a lot for a young woman to deal with. She should be wondering if that boy in the corner noticed her and is she wearing the right color nail polish. Dramatic court cases should not have to be on her calendar.

  But it is and she will have to do what is required of her.

  I think that the psychologist you/she is seeing is probably in a MUCH better position than any of us here to offer suggestions to fortify Marina's spirit at this time. (Your's, too)

  Acknowledging that this is a most difficult assignment - more than most adults are ever required to do - can help her to keep her sanity. Being there for her and making sure that she knows you are on her side (no matter what) will help her, too.

  When you have the court date, maybe post it here. Perhaps some posters can attend to help provide support for you.

  {{{{{{{{{Mario}}}}}}}}}

  -Aude.
• 

  bebu

  (((Mario)))

  Does Marina's counselor speak with you about anything? You could explain your concerns, so that they might be addressed carefully thru another. If she has good counselors then they are aware of the issues she could (or could soon) deal with. It would be better for her AND YOU if you explained your fears and let them work with it. Your best help is to alert others and let them (in their respective jobs) assist her.

  It is easy to be fearful!! But please remember that Marina is a STRONG girl, and she very likely has a lot of resources within her that would yet amaze you! Also, remember that the way you deal with this tragedy will not be precisely the same way she deals with it, even though there is going to be a lot of grief and upset for you both. Children can survive a tragedy, and with supportive family and friends, and good counselors, their lives can heal surprisingly well emotionally, just like they can physically. Marina won't automatically grow up to be wretched and tragic adult, with a dismal, depressed future. Marina truly sounds like she has a foundation in her to hold up, with HELP, to the storms within and without her. Community, guidance, and love will help her just like it helps you.

  Praying for you and Marina during this particular time...

  bebu