Dear Cognac,
WOW!! I finally finished reading the rest of this thread. My head is swimming with so many different things I want to say to you. But where to begin. My heart goes out to you, as does everyone elses, as it is obvious from reading all the other replys to you. We know your frusteration, your shock, the anger, and the great sadness and fear you no doubt feel. These are all normal emotions that you will most likely experience as you continue your journey.
If I may suggest to you from experience, that you research everything, and don't just take someones word for it. Take the information you discover, and verify it, prove what you are finding to be true. That way you will never doubt yourself later. (Ask for actual copies of literature if you can't find them, from us here.) Also, keep close to Jehovah and Jesus. Keep praying for Holy Spirit. When I was discovering everything like you, I was so overwhelmed, I didn't know which way was up. So I prayed for Holy Spirit, and for Truth, no matter what it was.
I prayed that God let me find the Truth about the "Truth". I asked that if it was what I had always believed, to help me realise this, and let my question go, and to quit questioning. But if, what I had always believed to be the truth was not the truth, please help me to see it and to see what was the truth. I totally relied on Jehovah and Jesus to help me. At times it was hard, because I had been brain washed all my life to believe I could not have a relationship with Jehovah if I was doubting his "faithful slave". So it was a inner battle. At times I was very afraid. My mother who left the organization with my father 2 years before we did, gave me a wonderful scripture on a magnet to remember: 2 Timothy 1:7...For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. And too, to use the God given brain I was given, to ask questions. Amazingly, my prayers were answered, and I was more determined then ever to get to the bottom of my questions. And as you are finding, one question, leads to a 1,000 others.
I truely felt Jehovah was answering my prayers. Now I look back on it and know that they were drawing me out of the organization. Imagine that! Holy Spirit leading me out! That still sounds funny ..it has been 3 years in March since we were at our last meeting. But since then I can assure you that I am still happily married, we have a lovely teenage daughter who is respectful, moral, and loves Jehovah and Jesus. We have not fallen apart and become these horrible people that I had been told would happen if we didn't come back.
I cannot count how many times we have prayed to Jehovah since leaving the organization for help, guidance, reassurance and Holy Spirit. And EVERY time, our prayers are answered. Only Jehovah and Jesus can read our thoughts. And there is not doubt in our minds they have not held our hand through this whole journey.
So, I guess what I am trying to say, is just because you may feel you have been lied to by the organization, does not mean that Jehovah and Jesus have lied to you. They are leading you to Truth, because obviously your heart is ready for truth. Let them guide you. You are in safe hands. So many "throw the baby out with the bathwater" so to speak. They blame God because of their pain. I pray that those will one day realise that it was God who drew them out.
There are so many wonderful people here on this forum, who like you have been down this road. They have been and continue to be pillars to me and my family, and are here for you as well. Hang in there!!! Take one day at a time.
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty