by oompa 192 Replies latest members private
oompa
i have not read all the responses.
I have had to look at myself in the mirror and seek help and just shovel through all the shite until i came to find "me'. I had to find a reason to be here, even if no one else cared if i was here or not. you will have to get to that point. it isn't pretty or easy, but it is so much better than anything jws can give you
. weds
ABA:What's so wrong with giving attention to those who want it anyway? Maybe he doesn't get it in his house with his jw wife. Maybe he doesn't get it because his brain tells him that he's not worth as much as the rest of us. Maybe he just needs it because he knows that he needs to fix things in his life but he's still scared. Why is reaching out to people who are asking for help, attention so wrong? We aren't encouraging him to not take care of himself. We are validating that he has value regardless and then, on top of that, giving him suggestions to talk to someone who can help more than we can. I truly can't see why that could be considered a bad thing.
I am really sorry to have even posted this thread. I really enjoy humor at JWD, but have tried to help some others in bad straights. While something is not all right upstairs, I hope I will never again post while intoxicated. I have reached out in the past, but was not really meaning to this time. I was just reaching the bottle.............oompa
Eclipse & Dinah,
You have said some beautiful things on this thread, and I am glad that you put them so eloquently. There are a few people in this world that have no compassion, or are so wrapped up in themselves that they only think of their own narrow worldview.
First of all, if you are not alcoholic, you do not have a clue what an alcoholic goes through on his or her path of recovery. It would be like me saying that I know everything about being pregnant because I read about it, and know others who were. I would sound like a damned jackass. Take note, Outlaw and BizzyBee.
And for those who wonder, yes Oompa has reached out for help and is getting it. Very few alcoholics do not have slips when trying to live without alcohol. It is a part of the learning process, convincing them that experiences with drink will never get better. Pain is a great motivator in helping one to recover.
Will the people who are basically mean spirited just shut up, and not post on these threads? What are you, a bunch of blow hards? Do you like to hurt others? You make OBVES seem sane at times!
There are many on this board that have had problems with alcoholism, and have given me and others support in times past. And there are many who have not that are loving and compassionate, and a great encouragement. I love and appreciate all of you. And I also thank those struggling like Oompa, for helping me realize that it wouldn't be any better for me if I got drunk today.
Sincerely,
John
I guess the part about not suffering fools.
dinah - that was a general statement - I have not specifically labeled anyone a fool. Thanks for a thoughtful response to my question. My post may seem 'heartless' but the principles are accurate.
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oompa,
That bottle probably makes you honest for awhile. DON'T YOU EVER BE SORRY FOR ANYTHING YOU'VE WRITTEN HERE.
I'm thinking when you are drinking (damn I'm a poet!!) your most innermost thoughts make it up to your consciousness.
I've had blackouts. My husband would say "remember last night when you told me about....." I would be like, nope. I can remember being drunk outta my mind and crawling up in his lap and crying REALLY HARD. My faith had been pulled out from under me. This was before I read CoC, it was from reading the bible.
Your mind is working overtime. Just take a deep breath. Then take several more. We are here for you. oompa. Helping you is helping me to "pay it forward". I was helped and I just want to help someone else if at all possible.
Hang in there. It doesn't happen overnight, and DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! We all fall short and all that jazz. The simple fact that you have reached out for human companionsip speaks volumes.
Will you be my brother? I would be honored.
If you let yourself live long enough the day will most likely come when you are sick from something and wish you could live longer. Get treatment for your depression and I promise you that things will look better. HTH
Dinah,
I just got your PM, you can be my little sister too.
John
(( Oomp ))
((((((( oomp ))))))
I'm here for you my Brother.
DO NOT BE SORRY FOR POSTING THIS THREAD !!!!!!! You are breaking my heart man . . I was you 10 years ago, I got through it. you will also. I did not have the support group you have here . . .
I am not as eloquent as many here who have posted how much they care for you and have compassion and empathy for your circumstances . . . . . but let me say this . . .
Edited for profanity .. . . Outlaw, you are a tool, drop the Clint Eastwood smiley, it is obvious that that is how you think of yourself. Have some empathy fer crissake
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Although Outlaw,and Bizzy's post may seem a bit rude,or disrespectful,i understand what they're getting at..
Sorry in advance,if some think i'm trying to "hijack"the thread,because that is not my intention,just to give my view on the matter at hand..
I have an aunt who's an almost perpetual drunk..for most of her life she has been that way..she get's drunk,she get's violent,then get's sad..it repeats forever,with no end in sight,and no,i'm not saying that that's the case with Oompa,cause i don't know the man IRL,or his circumstance...but I'm speaking in general about people who "self medicate" their problems with the alcohol.
I just told my aunt when she visited me a few weeks ago,that it was over...I told her i still loved her,and wished she wouldn't drink anymore,or at the very least less than she was,but she can't come visit me anymore. She told me that "we(my family) we're just gonna have to accept her as she is,because that's the way she is..it surprised her when i said"I can't say what everyone else is gonna do...but No I WON'T be accepting you the way you are..in fact you have to accept that that's the way I am..I told her"I don't like drunk people around me because all it does is give some people an excuse to do what they really wanted to do from the get-go,they just needed an out,if it went bad for them..but all of that is a moot point cause i'm sure you've heard this many times already..so with that in mind,it's time for you to go" I gave her a big hug,and told her "You can come see me anytime you want..as long as you haven't been drinking beforehand,and you're not smoking when you get here" she said alright that she understood that that was how it was,and left.
If i would have allowed her unconditional access to me,she would just continue with her same routine..she just would know that she could come to me and drag me into it with her,as selfish as this may sound,i'm not gonna do that for ANYBODY,my own stuff is F'ed up enough..and i'm ACTIVELY trying to get it fixed,i can't really handle trying to figure out,and help people with problems that they don't want to be helped with...if someone needs a little help,and they're seeking other options,i'm all ears,and all hands are on deck to get things picked up for them..but if they just want someone to wallow in self pity with,i'm not there..if i wallow in self-pity,i've already defeated myself before the rest of the world has even had a crack at me..to me that's the same as being dead,because i'd have no future,no hope,no nothing...
Right after i left the cong where the sh!t hit the fan..i went down that road for awhile..back then "Gin & Juice" was my poison of choice,i'd drink a pint just about every night before bed,so that i'd be "right" in the morning. That went on for almost 2 years,till one day,i looked at what i was doing to myself,and realized that i was just giving "the people what they wanted"..to see me washed up,and sitting on bricks..when they knew of my potential.
I had to get myself up out of that bottle first though,THEN,catagorize my problems i had at the moment,then analyze them from all points of view i could find..after i had that information,it was time to destruct them,one by one,with an already thought out plan of action. I had to get tough with myself,and say what i wouldn't tolerate from myself when i knew i could better. And that's what i still do till this day,rather than let my temper get the best of me,upset,or even worse,depressed about things that regularly go wrong..I channel all of that negative energy i feel into finding a solution to my problem,to the point i get downright relentless about it...i analyze the problem and look for the solution as if my life depended on finding the answer..the sooner i solve the problem,the sooner i can move on and enjoy a little happiness,and perhaps contentment before the next problem comes up,however short that time may be..but one's things for sure..i won't be wasting ANY time trying to figure things out because as the commercial says:"Life comes at you fast"..and indeed it does.
I'd say to anyone who's having trouble in life,try changing your "view" as many times as you have to,you might be surprised at what you find in the process.-KenShi
I do not see Bizzy Bee's remarks as personal attacks. Actually I see a lot of validity to them. They may not be what our good bud Oompa needs right now, but then again....
