Do you see your self remarrying?

by Cabin in the woods 112 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dansk

    I've been happily married to Claire for 27 years and should anything ever happen to her I just couldn't see myself ever marrying again................... one else would put up with me!


  • Van Gogh
    Van Gogh

    Having grown up as dub, I have been a bit of a loner all my life. I was proud of my independence. Now, I believe this to be an unrewarding easy way out as well.

    Since leaving the dubs six months ago my perspective on life past, present and future has of course changed radically. Within the confines of the bOrg there seemed to be few options but to remain alone. This could somehow be justified.

    My non-jdub wife left me when I went back to practicing within the confines of the concept I was still a captive of back then. I believe that through sheer ignor/arrog-ance I was personally responsible to a large extent for her departure. I have been alone for more then ten years now – what a waste.

    I now realize I only live once, and life is short. I have learnt many lessons the hard way. Now that I would perhaps be free to do as I please, I find that I am totally uninterested in exploring casual relationships. Accepting my mortality and losing my jdub morality, I found myself left with next to nothing, having to reevaluate and reestablish what life should be about for me – completely on my own this time. I have decided that no matter what, in the end all that counts is love and people. This is what bears fruit, makes beautiful things happen and thrive – regardless of any beliefs. Only on the outside of the org have I finally and fully recognized the possible implications and meaning of the concept of love and acceptance – without judgment.

    I’m sick of being alone. The rest of my life, hopefully the next 25/30 years or so, I want to share and grow old with someone. No situation is ideal, but I crave for taking my responsibility in accepting, caring, loving, cherishing and devoting myself to/for someone willing to accept me as I am. I try to no longer look in the wrong places and at external attraction. I want to make somebody happy and be happy for it. I’m with anewme, Rabbit and Robdar


  • Calliope

    wow van gogh.
    if a marriage can be anything like what you describe, than i am sold.

    unfortunately, i don't quite see myself ever taking the plunge again.
    marriage has turned into a simple piece of paper with a stamp and a couple signatures.
    and for that matter, so is divorce.


  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy
    I now realize I only live once, and life is short.

    This is, I believe, the most important single lesson we can learn.

    This is not a rehearsal, this is the real thing. You get one chance at it.

    I have a friend, a Chinese young lady. She is half my age, the same age as my children. We get on extremely well, we make each other laugh. We share many interests, we have a good time together. We care for each other. I don't know if we're sexually compatible, but probably we are.

    Next week, she returns to mainland China - her visa has expired. We don't know how I would be received by her family (in a remote part of NW China). Probably she would not be permitted to marry me - and this is the first woman I have met for many years whom I would wish to marry - and because of immigration laws in the UK it wouldn't be of much help for me to move back there.

    So, I guess, we will say goodbye. It will break my heart, to be honest, and probably hers as well. One day - I hope - these stupid national artificial boundaries will fall down and we will come to realise that we are all citizens of this planet.

  • Van Gogh
    Van Gogh


    I did not describe a successful marriage (or long-term relationship based on expresses intentions, for that matter). Only what I believe one should be prepared to invest in order to achieve such a possible result. Of course a long-term commitment or (marital) relationship, like anything in life, is a risk, and could be worth only the paper it’s printed on. My words are only theory and intentions.

    Serving out a marriage-term merely on the basis of a one-time contractual agreement would be a sorry state indeed. There are no guarantees (paper certainly isn’t) and there is no ideal marriage or relationship. But I do believe some sort of a commitment has at least to be made – to the other person. Committing to a marriage proposal is only a start and, yes, perhaps not that important except for the outside trappings. But do we want to commit to keep on committing?

    It often takes many mistakes and failures in order to get this far. You’d need to have some level of confidence for the other party to think likewise. It’s the price we pay for having the freedom not to be trapped in a life-long loveless marriage based on a simple piece of paper with a stamp and a couple signatures.

    Sorry for the rational rambling – empty words in themselves, I know.

    BTW, you live in the Netherlands?


  • Dansk

    Van Gogh and Caliope,

    Er, ever thought of meeting up!

    Joe, if I had feelings for a woman as you have for your Chinese lady friend national boundaries wouldn't stop me and I DEFINITELY wouldn't say "Goodbye". You infer the feelings are reciprocated. Well, then, what are you waiting for?!

    At the end of the day this is between you and her. I know the Chinese put big store in what the family thinks, but it seems to me if you have great feelings for each other you must put your own lives first. Don't let her get away!

    I wish you well,


  • mouthy

    I have decided that no matter what, in the end all that counts is love and people.

    Van I liked what you wrote ....I believe this also. Good Luck you sound like you would make a good partner (hugs)

  • Van Gogh
    Van Gogh

    Dansk the matchmaker

    Looking forward to meeting you in WSM next week!!


    edited to say: Mouthy.......

  • Khufu

    Van Gogh and Calliopé, you're really too cute.

    Joe, I fully agree with Dansk. Are you so sure the Chinese family would not agree? I'm often in China. Ten years ago, westerners were still the attraction on the street, but things and mentalities have changed considerably. Marrying a dabizi (long nose) has become quite accepted. China is more and more part of the global village.

  • Dansk


    Looking forward to meeting you in WSM next week!!


    Erm, are you bringing Calliope?


Share this