Born (Sunny Adelaide, Australia) and raised (from 5 years old in chilly and rainy Netherlands) as a (both parents) third generation dub. Parents dub from around 1945. Daddy PO from the onset of elder arrangement - stayed alive until 75, but somehow snapped just after that year and took our family with him in his destructive demise. Just before he officially left life in the hot summer of 1979, my mother had taken a shortcut to paradise. I somehow survived together with my older sister and was lovingly taken in by cong members. It has been a long and winding, tiring road ever since. At first seeking consolation as a pioneer at 17, I disappeared shortly afterwards into deep depression and denial and fled to England for three years (St. Albans, Hertfordshire) where I attended cong. Back home, went through the motions for a while after which I ventured outside for a couple of years as a cabin attendant on an international airline, shacked up with a worldly colleague for a couple of years, went to university and got my Master's, basically LIVED... until somehow spooked by guilt and fear of the big A-day... I made the worst decision in my life: I went back to dubdom around 1995!! at the exact time many of you guys and girls saw the light. My wife could not stomach the change and just went (of course I was a total misfit socially). Ever since, the past ten years attending the Kingdom Coffin have turned out to be the bleakest in my life. Got caught up as a pub in elder infighting halfway through that period and sided with the outcasts. Afterwards it was a matter of survival, serving time on the back row. Got into reading stuff like CoC in the fall of 2005, saw the light, went cold turkey, and joined this forum. I have experienced a revolutionary 180 in my thinking at a particularly vulnerable time in my life. Though I - like many of you on this forum - savor my release from spiritual bondage, it has also left me empty handed and has released some powerful emotions as well now that I see my past and future in a completely different light. I have a very hard time trying to come to terms with the futility of it all. I currently live alone and am open to making new friends. So if any of you guys and girls ever visit Amsterdam, just drop me a line.