” That knowing each other has added to our lives, we are great friends and the companionship expands out lives. At the end of a lousy day, a wonderful day, we can lay down together and sleep knowing that what is most precious is with us.”
That is the valuable lesson IMO. (edited to say: most movies aren't made about this post-romantic stage; perhaps we should watch less movies and move on in real life)
You not alone as far as your circumstances are concerned. Please take heart; aarque’s experience shows that there are lot’s out there in the same position – who shy back – but who have learnt the essence of caring and loving. That’s the upside of the progressed state as far as age and experience is concerned. It is a matter of seeking such ones out.
Do you see your self remarrying?
That is the part I am having trouble understanding. Why can't you have that deep trust without that legally binding marriage certificate? IMO that deep trust is there or its not. You would think it would be there before the marriage hopefully? I have never been married (no plans to be) but I have been in love twice. I experienced that deep trust you speak of. I don't think marriage would have made any difference. That trust was already there.
I used to tell my husband that there was no need to be married. A piece of paper was nothing but a physical manifestation of something that had already happened in our hearts. I trusted him and loved him deeply. After 3 years of living together, I did marry him. We married because he was more old fashioned than I was and wanted it that way. Since I was going to spend my life with him and since it made him happy, I went ahead and did it. We had a little ceremony in a church.
Much to my surprise, a change did happen. I cannot begin to tell you changes that occurred in both of us. I didn't think it was possible but the love and trust did became much deeper. That was when I realized that I had been mistaken. That is why I know that you are mistaken also.
Since you haven't been married, I don't think that you can understand the experience of what it is like. As I said in a previous post, I've been married and I've lived with somebody. Married is better.
...Someone you have loved more than life itself could be your mortal enemy 10 years down the road. If they were on fire you would not piss on them to put it out. That's why i really don't see the point of marriage. If you are going to stay together you will stay together no matter what a peice of paper says. I swear I am not trying to fan the flames but if you think about it marriage is really a form of ownership.
How so? How is marriage a form of ownership? I am not trying to fan the flames either but, imo, to not get married because you may turn out to be enemies isn't true trust.
I now realize I only live once, and life is short. I have learnt many lessons the hard way. Now that I would perhaps be free to do as I please, I find that I am totally uninterested in exploring casual relationships. Accepting my mortality and losing my jdub morality, I found myself left with next to nothing, having to reevaluate and reestablish what life should be about for me – completely on my own this time. I have decided that no matter what, in the end all that counts is love and people. This is what bears fruit, makes beautiful things happen and thrive – regardless of any beliefs. Only on the outside of the org have I finally and fully recognized the possible implications and meaning of the concept of love and acceptance – without judgment.
I’m sick of being alone. The rest of my life, hopefully the next 25/30 years or so, I want to share and grow old with someone. No situation is ideal, but I crave for taking my responsibility in accepting, caring, loving, cherishing and devoting myself to/for someone willing to accept me as I am. I try to no longer look in the wrong places and at external attraction. I want to make somebody happy and be happy for it.
VG, your post was lovely and eloquent.
BTW, I like your forum nom de plume. Van Gogh is my favorite artist. When in Amsterdam, I have sometimes waited in line a couple of hours just to get into the museum--it is so worth it. Are you an artist also?
perhaps we should watch less movies and move on in real life)
perhaps you are right!
had a date last night and leaving right now for second one .........(same person) so I am giving it a go.
hope the bathing suit fits!!!!!
Purple sofa I am certain that you will look stunning. Just let that inner beauty keep shining through.
Perhaps deep trust can take on another meaning beyond the age of 25; beyond having “deeply trusted” a couple of times already. You might have noticed that this issue comes into play when people have been disappointed once too often; at an age when we might feel left behind, alone, without the advantage of age or external beauty to ever remedy the way we envisaged it.
Deep trust then takes on the meaning of lasting commitment. True love never just falls out of the sky. This kind of commitment could not be ownership.
:“Van Gogh is my favorite artist. When in Amsterdam, I have sometimes waited in line a couple of hours just to get into the museum--it is so worth it. Are you an artist also?”
No, though I have dabbled somewhat in attempting the application of paint to canvas. Van Gogh is one of my favorite painters also, just like many in the rich cultural heritage of a country currently facing an identity crisis.
When you are in Ams next time, don’t forget to let me buy you a drink.
I entered my marriage at age age 18 with such childlike fantasy that I had no idea what the reality of marriage was. I was playing house. Thirty years later, I know what I want in a relationship and wonder if I am still living nothing but fantasy. Trust doesn't come easy. Fear puts up walls. That is the baggage of marital failure. My ex remarried recently. It took him less then a year from the date of our divorce to remarry. Is it easier for men? Most days I am happy as a single but loneliness can be a problem.
Trust doesn't come easy. Fear puts up walls. That is the baggage of marital failure. My ex remarried recently. It took him less then a year from the date of our divorce to remarry. Is it easier for men? Most days I am happy as a single but loneliness can be a problem.
Hi Peg, I think that fear and lack of trust is the baggage of life not just marital failure. I don't think that it is easier for men. My ex-husband still suffers even as I suffer three years later. We are only now getting to where we can tolerate running into each other in public.
I think that you may still be depressed. Like me, you were married a long time. I still have bouts of depression and thinking of how it could have been. It's not the dream, it's the waking.....
I'm sending you a pm with my phone number. Use it if you feel lonely. Sometimes I feel lonely too. (((((Peg)))))
When you are in Ams next time, don’t forget to let me buy you a drink.
That is a splendid idea. Thanks. Do you ever travel to the USA?