Wife has vowed to remain JW

by kairos 118 Replies latest members private

• 

  Giordano

  Here is a site that may help with the emailing. These are quotes from Eric Hoffer who wrote The True Believer back in 1950. He makes no mention of the JW's or WTBTS............ I doubt he was even aware of them.

  What he wrote about was how mass movements have a lot of things in common and how they exercise control over their followers. Here is a free download: http://evelynbrooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/The_True_Believer_-_Eric_Hoffer.pdf

  Here are a few sample quotes:

  "An active mass movement rejects the present and centers it's interest on the future. It is from this attitude that it derives it's strength, for it can proceed recklessly with the present- with the health, wealth and lives of it's followers. But it must act as if it has already read the book of the future to the last word. Its doctrine is proclaimed as a key to that book."
  "All active mass movements strive, therefore, to interpose a fact-proof screen between the faithful and the realities of the world. They do this by claiming that the ultimate and absolute truth is already embodied in their doctrine and that there is no truth or certitude outside it. The facts on which the true believer bases his conclusions must not be derived from his experience or observation but from holy writ. "(p. 79)
  
  
  
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Great news, my friend!

  I'm sure you are enjoying the "day off".

  Her JW friends will probably all be envious when she drives the new "toy" to the KHall.

  Doc

  The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!.
  
• 

  MissFit

  Kairos, I think you are on the right track. You two can show each other mutual respect. She has the right to her beliefs and so do you.

  I tend to sympathize with the spouse who finds out the person they married and thought they knew and shared the same goals with has totally changed the ground rules on them. I cant imagine the feeling of betrayal. Especially when they want you to embrace it and change as a proof of your love.

  This goes both ways:

  *The non-active JW who marries a nonJW then gets her religion back. And the active spiritual JW and spouse where one of them wakes up and wants to dump their religion and starts challenging everyvthing you believed in and thought you knew.

  The person changing the rules and the game plan should not expect the other to just jump on board. They dont get to be the bitter ones. They knew what they were getting , what they agreed on. Their spouse didnt sign up for a drastic change.

  *The one i feel that has it the worst is the non-jw who gets saddled with a JW who reactivates.

  My 2 cents.
• 

  never a jw

  Kairos,

  Patience, temperance, acceptance of differences would help you cope. Not everyone is ready or will ever be ready for my and your brand of reality. My wife is in the cult, and it's fine with me. She is better in that social club than she would be out of it. Almost her entire family and circle of friends are JW's. Waking her up can be a shocking reality that would not make her happier.

  Let sleeping dogs lie.
• 

  notsurewheretogo

  My wife is still in...

  No matter what doctrines you challenge or what evidence you produce that the WT is NOT God's Organisation it is all utterly futile.

  Your wife believes Satan controls the media world and that the GB are appointed by God...you cannot use facts and logic to counter it when your wife is still in, it rarely works like that.

  I've been out 3 years and I was a busy pioneer/elder...it hit my wife hard and I've done all the "1914 is not right, 607 BCE is not right, child abuse policies etc etc" and it doesn't work.

  What IS working is me attempting to be the best darn husband and father I can ever be, I am more loving, more caring, spend more time with my family, do nice things for them etc...I make a point of doing something like that every day.

  This confuses them since I'm supposed to be a bad person since I've left "the truth"...Satan is supposed to poison my mind and I become a worse person...

  Nothing can be further from the truth, she sees me happy and content with little pressure in life and our marriage and family life has never been as good.

  At some point she will question why this is and will relate it to it that I'm out...but until she is ready to do that talking about facts and doctrines just does not work.

  After the first seeds of doubt are planted in your wife then that is the point where all your research and all the good points on here come into play but the hardest part is that initial seed of doubt.

  Good luck.
• 

  mrquik

  All points well taken. Most of us wouldn't raise an eyebrow if she was in any other religion. Many couples have one religious spouse together with one who couldn't care less. They go through life just fine. I know it drives us crazy knowing TTATT & not being able to convince anyone else. Sometimes you just have to let it go.
• 

  kairos

  Small breakthrough yesterday.

  We haven't talk about it yet, but here's what happened:

  I called her and JWs "cowards", because they will not engage someone or read something contrary towards their beliefs. Fear of the destruction of one's "faith" is clearly on the line.

  Well she surprised me once again. I had earlier asked for her to read each of the topics I have started here on the forum. ( http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/users/104050/kairos/topics )
  After I got the computer set up for her, she planted herself at my desk with a nice bottle of wine and read not only my posts but all of your comments that were made in reply. She may have spent 5 hours reading through them all. I went out for the evening to visit with one of my long time JW friends that is new to this site.

  I got home around 1:00am.

  When she woke up in the night, I greeted her and she was very friendly and affectionate.

  Although we haven't spoken about what she read yet, things are noticeably more peaceful around here!
• 

  cappytan

  kairos: That's great!
• 

  flipper

  You never know my friend. Your wife seems like an intelligent, sensitive, reasonable individual - and a person who loves you very much. If she can see that you have not made your decision lightly, you've really thought it through - and you are a intelligent, sensitive, reasonable individual - she may begin to see the realities of things you've been telling her. As a person who was born and raised in the JW's like your wife was - and I exited at age 44 over 11 years ago- if your wife would ever want to chat with me, I'd be more than happy to do so. Take care my friend, hope to chat soon
• 

  kairos

  I have high hopes and she says not to get my hopes up too high...

  My biggest fear is the pain she may feel from the lack of contact with her "friends" if she was to fade.
  I think her relatives would make room for her as long as there was no formal DF/DA.

  I'm watching what her exit speed is and trying to match it to cushion the blow. Ain't easy!
  ( I thought keeping up with Jehovah's chariot was hard )