Wife has vowed to remain JW

by kairos 118 Replies latest members private

• 

  dubstepped

  I support you Kairos. You can't just throw away a long history and relationship easily. Only you know if there is still something there, though if she's truly saying to go find someone else I'd have to wonder. Maybe she just wants you to be happy and thinks someone else would make you happier with all the JW stuff between you two. Or maybe she wants out herself and is telling you to get lost. It's certainly worth finding out.

  You said earlier that her loyalty lies with the org instead of with you. I don't think it would be fair to make it an either/or deal. It's her thing, and you have things of your own that you're interested in. The part that hurts is that her thing hurt you and I see why you would see her sticking with it as disloyal, but perhaps seeing it differently would help relieve some tension. Install some healthy boundaries.

  I feel for everyone caught in the middle with a spouse still in. I really think you two need to have some serious talks about her attitude toward the relationship, maybe get a counselor to heIp. Hopefully you can salvage it. All relationships go through ups and downs. The stress of your DFing and drama surrounding it has to have taken a hugs toll on you both. Good luck with it.
• 

  kairos

  Thanks.

  Yes, she meant that she would rather me be happy with someone else as opposed to miserable with her. We talked it through. I want to stay and she wants me to stay.

  We have an appt with a counselor on the 30th.

  Yes, it's taken a huge toll on us both.
  
• 

  JWdaughter

  I want to be 68 and have a husband that adores me with the strength that you do your wife. Good times and bad. . . I think that is so beautiful. That is worth everything, for both of you. Let her see THIS post.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  kairos said, "...Super frustrating... So, how do I cope?.. That didn't go over so well... I've been apologizing... Thanks for the support and comments here... If we can stay together and peacefully avoid creating tension, stress or anxiety toward each other, I'll be happy... I blew it again and couldn't shut my mouth... it was my fault again... I'm so impatient for something she says will never happen... she likes to travel. I need to be satisfied with that... she chooses the GB and their JW.ORG over me, which is hard... I have high hopes and she says not to get my hopes up too high... We are still together and things are not always easy... Sad. Her loyalty is to this Org over me, because she thinks they are the ones that provide her with her relationship with Jehovah.Apparently I'm just a worldly obstacle... I haven't given up. I'm close, though... I'll take any encouragement you can offer... Most of the time we get along quite well and I have no complaints. Yesterday was emotionally draining and a mini vent/rant was needed... She has not made any contributions for about three years now, so it not costing me money or time... We have an appt with a counselor on the 30th."
  

  I owe you an apology kairos. You have exactly the marriage you deserve, the marriage that you created.

  ...or perhaps you are another joker who thinks that baiting XJWs with phony stories full of "sturm und drang" is great fun (you joined here a year ago). I'll leave you to have your fun with your good friends.

  
  
• 

  Lostwun

  Normally I dont get involved in debates but nathan are you having a bad day?

  It seems you are constantly attacking kairos on his intentions to make things work with his wife.

  Let's remember that although we all may have our own opinions on matters to still be respectful and keep this place as a means of support for one another.

  Not tearing eachother down over personal disagreements.

  Lost
• 

  TheListener

  Marriages have their ups and downs. Mine did before I ever even thought of leaving the witnesses.

  Everyone handles those ups and downs differently and needs different things out of a marriage.

  Kairos, if you are happy and you feel satisfied with your relationship then that is what matters. I hope the counseling session is helpful.

  Feel free to vent when you need to because even if you are happy and satisfied with your life and marriage you are going to have frustrations.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  Gosh ,Lostwun, I'm SO LUCKY you joined here 6 months ago so you could put me on the straight-and-narrow!

  Do you PERSONALLY know Kairos? Can you vouch that his story is true?

  You might be surprised to learn that during the 15 years I've been here, conversing with hundreds of people, there have been some FRAUDS who come here to tell their unlikely, wild and wacky stories just to play with people's heads; but apparently you are unequipped to deal with those who might play you for a fool.

  Some have asked for - and received MONEY from those who were seduced by the sob stories that creative writers have fabricated. I am proud of the fact that I have helped expose some of those frauds and that for a moment the users of this board expressed gratitude for my skepticism.

  Kairos makes it clear that he is MISERABLE, and - assuming his story is legitimate - you think it is best that he should remain in his MISERABLE state instead of being urged to seek freedom and happiness.

  What's YOUR problem?
• 

  3rdgen

  I have met and spent hours getting to know Kairos at the past two exJW meet ups at Lake Tahoe. I have known the elder (and his family) who led the JC to DF Kairos since we were kids.(45 years).

  He is the real deal right down to his story about his huge weight loss. I almost didn't recognize him this year!

  If someone needs to vent here or even asks for advice, we have to remember we are all different-one size does NOT fit all. The person receiving the advice can take it or leave it, HOWEVER, being rude and shaming is not the way to have influence-just the opposite!

  After all, if Kairos wanted to be belittled and insulted he could just go back to the Kingdumb Haul.
• 

  kairos

  Thanks for the support, babe!

  Kairos makes it clear that he is MISERABLE, and - assuming his story is legitimate - you think it is best that he should remain in his MISERABLE state instead of being urged to seek freedom and happiness.

  I said I was happy 99% of the time.
  Who makes a claim like that? I'm doing quite well.
  Just frustrated at times that my wife makes decisions, like I used to, that are "cult first".
• 

  kairos

  
  

  
  

  Not that I feel obligated to prove anything to anyone, but I am very happy to have lost 75#s. These pictures are 14 months apart, the last being form this month before my concert.
  

  The vest is from my wedding, 20 years ago. First time I have worn it since.