I've been apologizing.
Our goal is to stay together.
I've made some mistakes.
Thanks for the support and comments here.
Wife has vowed to remain JW
by kairos 118 Replies latest members private
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troubled mind
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness ,and would never have thought one day I would no longer believe it was "The Truth" . Yet here I am now ...Each individual has to make up their own mind . It took several years of internal inspection for me to discover what I really believed . This forum is full of personal stories of why and how each of us has come to the conclusions we have . It is a personal discovery and journey .
Your wife obviously has no questions or sees no reason to question her belief system . Until something truly personally effects her ,she may never question the organization. You can not force someone to change their beliefs ,you can only change yourself .
The two of you need to make a resolve of how you want your marriage and home to be like. She has the right to believe as she wants just as you do . Respect each other. Leave the door open to open discussion ,but never force the issue upon the other . You need to be able to tell her what troubles you ,but it is not fair to be so dogmatic as to expect her to accept your perceptions. She needs to be able to express herself to you also without feeling you must accept everything unquestionably .
Set boundaries you both feel are fair . When one oversteps those bounds feel free to speak up with out anger . I think if you really love each other things can be worked out in an agreeable way.
It is like any other blended religious marriage ....give and take ,mutual respect,love .
Best wishes to the both of you , Take a deep breath and be patient .
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problemaddict 2
Hey Kairos,
Its not fair to push a mind set on your wife that you share simply because you believe she too should share it. With children at stake things change of course, but she is free to believe as she wishes just as you are. If you want her to accept your feelings, your changes in faith and life.....then you must give the same empathy to her.
I understand what it is like to feel betrayed by your faith, and even a little by yourself for being duped. It makes you angry, it makes you want to talk about it all of the time, and it is hard to turn off. But make no mistake, it is in this state that you can do the most damage to yourself and others. I lost friendships in this state, caused my wife pain in this state, and did other harm.
NOW, I live a different life. I am tolerant, but not afraid. I can discuss, without getting emotional (mostly). It makes a huge difference. My wife has since also left, but it did not happen wen I was in my fighting and anger stage of coping.
When people know you aren't a threat to everything they hold dear, then you can coexist. No need for you to pretend to go to meetings, pretend your wife is right, or pretend anything at all. Just stop with the constant barrage.
If and when she wants to speak to you about things (which if you both really love each other HAS TO happen), then its up to you to take that as a girt, seak honestly, respect her feelings, and go from there.
One last thought. Things you may see VERY CLEARLY and that seem 100% cut and dry, may not register with her AT ALL. For example.....you mentioned the affiliation with the UN as an NGO. For some people, this is the lynchpin behind them leaving and never going back. For me personally, it didn't and still really doesn't mean jack. For me, the terrible failings of the blood doctrine and enforcement of uniformity of belief through disfellowshipping was what woke me up to understand just what I was doing as a JW....without meaning to.
My wife.......doesn't really trip on the blood thing (but seems my point and is coming around). For her, its all about the unchristian nature of communal shunning, and how it is used as a control mechanism.
Everyone feels differently about different things. Let your wife feel differently about things, give her love dignity and respect, and try to have open conversations that don't put her on the spot.
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blondie2
Author: Jonathan Swift There is none so blind as they that won’t see. Polite Conversation. Dialogue iii.
A person who I studied with asked me to prove Jesus was Michael the archangel....I was so sure that the WTS was definite on this.
After stringing through the linked scriptures and assumptions I realized all the weasel words the WTS used.
*** w84 12/15 pp. 27-28 ‘Michael the Great Prince’—Who Is He? ***
Ezekiel, Daniel’s contemporary, foretold the coming of one “who has the legal right” to rule again as king of God’s people. (Ezekiel 21:25-27) This one is not to be identified with the Levite Maccabees who exercised some authority during a brief period of independence. Not being descendants of King David, they had no “legal right” to be kings. Rather, it was Jesus Christ who was anointed by God to rule as king in a heavenly kingdom. (Luke 1:31-33; 22:29, 30; Psalm 110:1) He was the only one thus anointed. It is therefore only logical to say that Jesus and Michael are the same person.
In Daniel chapter 7, there is another prophecy about the march of world powers that has parallels with Daniel chapter 11. At the climax of that prophecy, however, we read that “someone like a son of man” was “given rulership and dignity and kingdom.” (Daniel 7:13, 14) The one “like a son of man” is widely recognized as Jesus. (Matthew 10:23; 26:64; Revelation 14:14) Hence, in the climax of one prophecy, Jesus becomes a king. In the other prophecy in Daniel, Michael becomes a king. Since both prophecies deal with the same time and the same event, surely it is reasonable to conclude that they are also dealing with the same person.
Since Jesus is the one prophesied to crush Satan’s head, and since he accomplishes all these other judgment acts, it is only logical to conclude that he would lead heaven’s armies in the casting of Satan out of heaven. Hence, the conquering Michael referred to in Revelation 12 must be Jesus, who was told by Jehovah to “go subduing in the midst of [his] enemies.”—Psalm 110:1, 2; Acts 2:34, 35.
Nonetheless, Jesus after his resurrection is still called Michael the archangel. (Jude 9; Rev. 12:7) And it appears that the exalted Jesus is referred to as an angel in Revelation 20:1 for, as God’s king, he is the logical one to bind Satan and the demons. So evidently, the term “angel” as designating an office may be used in a general sense to refer to all heavenly spirit creatures.
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She has to see it herself AND see the need to reject it and be true to herself and to the God she sees in the bible. It took me 8 years and other unloving and cruel acts by the "loving" jws towards me and others to conclude God was not with these people and they dishonored him.
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kairos
If we can stay together and peacefully avoid creating tension, stress or anxiety toward each other, I'll be happy.
Really, who wouldn't?
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ToesUp
I know how you feel.
Just about 2 years ago I felt the same way. When my mate approached me about their feelings of doubt, I too went on the defensive.
I think what really woke me up was what was written by the "Society" versus what I was truly seeing with my own eyes. I know what I hear from the meetings and assemblies should be what is truly the correct way of living but what I see within the congregation and what I am seeing/hearing from the CO's visit(s) and even with the Governing Bodies talks, etc., just doesn't match up with what is truly happening.
It is overwhelming! How could something I (we) were raised with be the wrong way? It is a shock to the system, depressing and truly one of the most eye opening experiences of my life. I equate it to a spouse who tells you after 20+ years or more of marriage, that he never loved you but all throughout the marriage everything seemed great.
These men who are supposed to be appointed by holy spirit have truly disappointed our family. Go back recently to the zone visit. How was the final talk from Brother Morris encouraging? Ask yourself...would Jesus have given that talk? Not the Jesus I know.
It is something that I (we) truly have had to learn to digest. It is still sobering but it is getting better everyday.
Everyone comes to the realization in there own time. It will happen. The TTATT is liberating. The best thing for my mate and I is that we have been on this journey together. If you have a good marriage, don't let these "imperfect men" (but are they not appointed by holy spirit?) take that away from you.
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bafh
Part of loving someone is accepting them where they are and tolerating differences. It will not help your intention of staying together if all she herars is how wrong she is or if she feels fro what you are saying that you are a danger to her spiritually.
i find being supportive of something that is important to the person even if I disagree with it goes a long way. It preserves the relationship and helps ease their fear that you might be dangerous to be around
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flipper
KAIROS & WIFE- Much love and caring to both of you. Hang in there I know it's a challenging time. If either of you would ever like to chat, you know how to find me -
NeverKnew
After watching a video posted by another member, even I, a non-JW had to reason that a person's religious belief was mostly attributable to their geographic origin and parental belief system.
If I had been born and raised in a Muslim country, what would the odds be that I'd be Christian?... VERY low. With thousands of Christian denominations, what are the odds that she's really found the true one?... the odds are one in thousands.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIErAz-ZO-I&list=RDxIErAz-ZO-I
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Odrade
Hello Kairos' wife.
If you can both agree to disagree, which would imply each ceasing the attempt to convert the other, then maybe you can find some peace with the idea that millions of successful couples continue to live with varying beliefs: Atheist/Agnostic, Catholic/Mormon, Episcopal/Hindu, Agnostic/Christian, etc.
My husband and I, while having successfully navigated an exit from the JWs, ended up in different but not incompatible places, spiritually. He is solidly atheist, and I'm agnostic in that I'm open to the possibility of the unexplainable - which to a hardcore faith-based religious individual, may sound quite similar, but it's really not. In spite of all, we are both comfortable with our independent beliefs, and we are also at ease with the idea that these beliefs could change in the future.
I know it's hard to see somebody you love be so (in your opinion) wrong, especially if your perception is that it's completely harmful to him or her as a person. But beliefs, and changing them, have to be a choice.
Love each other enough to allow space for your differences.