Thanks so much for the report Hubert. You have been an amazing friend to Mario. We all greatly appreciate what you're doing.
Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy
by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private
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Narkissos
Thanks Hubert for the updates.
Just would like to recall a suggestion I made a few days/pages ago: find a good lawyer in the area and review the entire situation (debt and possible bankruptcy application, divorce sharing, job dismissal etc.), as very different aspects of it may be legally interfering. To me this is priority # 1 at this stage. If somebody close enough to Mario could help him manage and prepare such an interview (perhaps going with him if he so wishes) that would be great. I have no clue about American laws, but usually there are limited delays for all kinds of actions, and Mario might be losing some essential rights as weeks go by.
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Big Tex
Thanks for the update Hubert.
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Utopian Reformist
Dear JWD Family:
I LOVE ALL OF YOU! From the calls, cards, letters, messages and visits to every post and reminder I receive, I am constantly overwhelmed and moved beyond description by all of your generosity. Never has a person received so much from so many and without method or resource for reciprocation. I am floored.
I met with Hubert and another friend who works with foster children and runs a special program at UMASS General Hospital in Worcester, MA. We enjoyed a light dinner and encouraging conversation. Hubert brought some posts for me to read which contained a poem from someone and I fought very hard to hold back the tears in public. It was too much. After Hubert left and I dropped my friend "Tai" off, I went home.
I used some of the anonymous donations to make a payment and keep my internet and phone connection in tact for at least another month. Friends, I must ask all of you to stop sending money. I cannot accept the money in good conscience and it makes me feel very guilty. The blanket of flowers for Talia's casket, and all of the cards and letters and gifts sent to the hospital were more than enough.
I read and whispered the contents and thoughts of every letter and card into Talia's ears while she was still on life support and I hope she comprehended the vast amount of anonymous love, kindness, generosity and humanitarianism that was unselfishly poured out in her behalf and mine.
I periodically re-read those cards and letters and I still cry rivers over the sentimental memories contained in those words. I feel so guilty, and every day it increases. I promised Lisa (LDH) I would work on a few tasks and I haven't been able to make much progress.
This Thursday the 20th, I am back in divorce court again and hoping that it will be the last appearance. I cannot take any more of these arrangements and appointments. I know I should be much stronger and it has been over a month since Talia's passing, but even tonight, I found myself crying out her name out loud and calling to her for help.
I miss my little girl and I can't join her in good conscience if everyone keeps helping me and providing assistance. I explained to Hubert that it isn't the typical male pride that prevents me from accepting help, but, rather, it is the moral obligation to avoid squandering the efforts and sacrifices of wonderful people that is keeping me alive right now.
I told Hubert I would already have been gone if my greater family at JWD had not taken action. He knows this and knows that I feel very guilty about the anonymous donations which I cannot afford to return, and that obligate me to continue trying another day. I want to join Talia without feeling guilty or selfish. I do not want to selfishly abuse the kindness and generosity of a family like JWD and continue accepting assistance. I am trying desperately to liquidate the administrative affairs of my life in order to avoid leaving any "messy" aftermath or burdens.
I truly love all of you and would give you anything at all that I have in my possession and want you to understand how much I appreciate everything that everyone has done for me and my little Talia.
BEBU, I apologize for the many calls and messages, but I am afraid to talk to anyone and I want to avoid a changing of the heart, so to speak. But, I want you to know you earned a place in my heart like Lisa, Hubert, Nina, Chris, Zev, Tex, Avishai, Nathan, Alan and a host of others, new and old.
I will accept the cards and keep checking my mail, but I must ask that you cease sending donations. I cannot check out in good conscience after so many people offer personal sacrifices, it would be unfair, selfish, disingenuious and downright criminal. I cannot have that on my conscience. All of you have done much more than enough and way beyond any expectations.
Anyone who is associated with this family (JWD) should always count their blessings, consider themselves eternally fortunate, and remember how important this special place is for all of us! Don't let arguments, differences, bickering, flaming, or anything upset the special karma that exists in this digital paradise. Simon, you are a godsend. All of you stay united and continue your wonderful work and efforts in publishing the real truth about JW's, religion and I know many more will be helped to find their freedom again, like I did.
Talia would have loved all of your catchy names, avatars, and unique personalities. I know all of you amazed me for a very long time. This is truly a home away from home and sanctuary. You are like a warm security blanket and that special hiding place when life is sad and difficult. Strength, truth and love are in abundance at JWD, all you have to do is reach out. I am glad I did and I hope thousands more will as time goes on.
Love,
MJB -
Utopian Reformist
Tomorrow at 4PM, I am required to present my "action plan" to my appointed therapist. She has informed me that her supervisor, per mandatory procedures and state medical regulations, is going to review my plan. I have been informed that my acceptable choices were either placing myself under the doctor's care and being admitted to the psychiatric ward as an "in-patient" for an unspecified period of time; or provide an alternative arrangment such as temporarily moving in with relatives who will accept partial responsibility for my supervision.
I have until 4PM tomorrow to communicate my plans. I cannot travel to Italy without losing my apartment. Unemployment compensation takes almost three weeks of processing to initiate and verify a new claim, and then additional time to begin payments. If I travel to Italy, I would not be able to complete that task or attempt to job hunt to establish income.
My only recourse would be to sell (probably pawn) my possessions of value (computers, camera, watch, etc.). Thus, I won't be able to give an action plan that keeps me free to try to keep starting over and keep living. If I do not move in with relatives who will accept some legal responsibility, I may be forced to enter the psychiatric hospital again and I have already clearly stated to the therapist in no uncertain terms that I will never enter that building again as long as I have the use of my mind and my limbs.
Thus, I am almost at the very end of the last chapter in my life and Tonya must be smiling somewhere. Her plans to ruin everything in my life and destroy me have finally succeeded, despite her temporary confinement. She actually left me a voice mail asking for a computer to play games with while she is hospitalized because she does not have anything to occupy her time other than movies and TV.
Can you fathom the audacity behind such a ludicrous request? My Talia loved computer games and PlayStation and cannot play anything ever again, and this woman is asking for games.
People say that Tonya will never have her freedom again and will have to live with what she did and that is worse than death. I say prove it! I am willing to bet my life at this very moment that anyone who has ever died, especially Talia, would rather trade permanent death for life, even life in a hospital or cell with three meals a day and occasional interaction is better than death and unconsciousness.
How can I continue to live? How can I possible find hope? Do you see what has been done to me? I have been forced into confrontations with the authorities now, and am still not free of this woman. I am facing similar confinement, or absolute poverty and/or both and cannot defend myself.
This is why I cannot continue to struggle anymore and have lost the will to continue fighting against a machine, and an evil woman, her family and their organization. I do not have the strength, meanness or resources to stay the course. I have to plan my exit and plan it quickly. All of you should understand this by now and accept my sincerest gratitude for your wonderful and amazing efforts and display of love. All of you have done the impossible and now it is time to stop and let go and let nature takes its course.
Sometimes, in the animal kingdom, certain species travel away from their kind and go off in private when they realize death has approached and is waiting. It is sad, but, quiet and noble and painless. I have heard the call several times now and it is getting louder and louder and my dreams are confirming my instincts.
This situation will engulf and entangle many more good people if someone doesn't stop it now. I know it wants its pound of flesh, its perverbial human sacrifice and apparently Talia was not enough, thus I have to step in to finally put and end to this madness.
I ask that everyone document my thoughts and please relay my story to the media and make Talia's memory a good one. Help prevent religious fanatics from isolating children with home schooling and causing tragedies in the future.
Speak out in Talia's name and my name for abused family members.
P.S. Please, please, please, DO NOT CONTACT any anuthorities in my behalf. You will only cause a confrontation as I will not cooperate this time and I will not enter any psychiatric facility or cooperate with any uniformed agents. It will only surely mean a morning headline in the news. Just let things take place decently, quietly and naturally.
Please respect my wishes as my friends. Thank you all! I will post another update tomorrow after my meeting with the therapist and her supervisor. As soon as I have arrived at a decision and/or plan, I will post it here so that I can be reached or contacted by all of you. Thx again! -
bem
Edited becuase I missed Marios second post and it was in apropriate with the second post
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Yizuman
U/R please don't do anything rash, because if you do, you will have given this woman the exact victory that she wants.
Yiz -
Xandria
Mario:
Did you see my post? Homicide bereavement is much more different in process than "normal" bereavement. I put in some resources for you to contact. Crisis Counseling : To be effective, crisis intervention must be provided in an orderly, structured, humanistic manner and must focus on the individuality of the victim and his or her needs. Not forced. Forcing the issue can do more harm than good.
Mario, please contact sidran, and the National Center for Victims of Crime for resources. Second opinions will help, as well as therapy options. Sidran has great resources and work books.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/83563/1369627/post.ashx#1369627
http://www.pomc.com/ * Read Crisis Intervention
Survivors of homicide victims do not have a roadmap on their journey through the aftermath of murder. Professionals are in the delicate position to help or hinder. In fact, the professional holds the key to most of the information that the family will seek in their travels. Survivors need patience with themselves and others, sensitivity, and above all, honesty. Expect that families may be needier, more demanding, and angrier than other victims of crime. Their needs and intense feelings are normal under the circumstances and must be validated. Please try to understand that total resolution or closure for survivors cannot be expected. They integrate the tragedy into their lives, they painfully reconstruct their very being, and they strive for a "new normal" way of life.
Knowledge is power and this will help bring you to some balance Mario. It is there you just need to ask and don't be afraid of second opinions with this.
Xandria
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bem
((((((Mario))))))
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Narkissos
(((((((Mario)))))))
I just read your posts. Slowly.
At some point one has to enter alone and barefooted in the temple of nonsense from which life continually goes on.
Either we never come out or we come out changed. Lighter and freer, which may sound good. Somewhat colder and stranger too, which may sound bad. Whether we find another way of living or not, we can never live as before. What is especially unbearable (at least for some time) is the very thought of future. But still we can choose to be there one day more. Just like life itself goes on, awfully and beautifully meaningless. Dead or alive we are part of it anyway, inasmuch as we have been there. Nothing can blot us out from the book of life really.
Beneath all attempts at helping and the unwitting though inevitable pressure they may add to the situation, you know we all have deep respect for you and solidarity with you in the unique place where you stand -- ultimately alone. If some of the practical advice and help can clear the ground for a few steps more on your path there will be must joy around, and you know that too.
Didier