Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy (page 14)

Utopian Reformist

Greeting All!

We suffered a setback this morning. The specialists and attending physicians were attempting to spur Talia on by slowly and steadly reducing her reliance on life support for ventilation and breathing. Thus, for about 36 hours they temporarily disconnected the breathing and ventilation equipment. They also removed several chest tubes and were hoping she might be able to work on her own and begin using her own faculties to sustain respiratory functionality.

Unfortunately, this morning it was apparent that her overall health was in serious jeopardy again and her efforts to breathe without mechanical assistance were very stressed and overworked. So, all of the life support systems have been reconnected and new chest tubes have been reinserted into her lungs.

It is day 14, and she is still critical and only 30/70 percent chance of survival. If she can hold out 16 more days, the doctors promise her chances will increase to 50/50 and she will be out of the woods.

That's the medical update. Onto to legal matters. Yesterday morning, Tonya was declared incompetent to participate in her mandatory bail hearing. Thus, bail was not set and she was remanded to the Eleanor Slater Hospital at the Institute for Mental Health and Rehabilitation which is located directly across the street from the Adult Correctional Institute (RI Prison).

Due to that status, Judge Murray was reluctant to immediately grant me full custody, marital assets and a final divorce. The Judge told me directly that I would only have to wait about two weeks until December 08, 2004, and by then, whether Tonya is competent or not, the court will appoint a guardian and mediator to ensure that all petitions, motions and requests made thus far will be settled on that date, thus preventing any appeal from Tonya on grounds of lack of representation or incompetency.

While in court, Judge Murray publicly offered any attorney present the standard fee paid by RI to attorneys for temporary guardianship and representation, AND every attorney present vehemently refused. No one would touch this case.

So, I am forced to wait for some administrative justice. In the meantime, my attorney was contacted again about "book rights, story rights and interview rights". As that develops, I will definitely keep everyone informed. Thx again to all for your tremendous help.

Mulan

Thanks for the updates. We are thinking about you and Talia everyday.

Are any of your family there with you yet?

Bryan

Utopia,

I can't imagine what you are going though at this time. My thoughts go out for your family.

Bryan

Utopian Reformist

Hi Bryan and very big hug and hello to you Mulan!

I have missed all of your posts and am very very glad to hear from you now! I appreciate all that everyone is doing. I am struggling day by day and my largest battle is the influence of the soon-to-be ex-in-laws over my oldest daughter Marina.

She has already asked me if she could accompany the grandparents to the Kingdom Hall. She is so excited to return to the meetings and keeps talking about all of her old friends. She is enjoying being out of seclusion and socializing, however, she does not realize it is just another religious "bubble" encirlcling the bubble created by her mother.

She is very co-dependent and keeps hinting at reunification with Tonya after the mother is released from rehabilitation. The grandparents echo the same sentiments. They are so interested in sweeping everything under the rug, keeping things quiet, avoiding embarassment, saving face and protecting the secrets of their dysfunctional twisted family that they have all forgotten about my little Talia struggling for life.

My father from overseas has told me that sometimes "life deals you a wicked hand" and that sometimes people lose entire families and have to move on and start over. My mother has said the same thing. I am upset.

I am trying to keep things together and it's getting tougher and tougher.

avishai

You have at least temp. custody, right? I'd tell her her friends could visit at your house, mcdonalds, etc. But not the hall. And i'd forbid the grandparents from those hints. Seriously. Your ex tried to KILL her and her sister. I'd definitely say hell no. ((((((UR)))))

But I do NOT no all the circumstances, and it sounds like you will do the best for your children, no matter what you do.

Mulan

I assume you have professionals working with your daughter. She isn't going to be able to just move on now. She needs a lot of help to get over what your wife has done to them. They may have post traumatic stress disorder too. Not a minor thing.

I agree that the grandparents should be told to take things slowly and leave her alone for now. Friends can visit her, but I think the KH has to be off limits. They will just suck her right back in. Another thing to consider is her friends may not be interested in her after all of this. Kids are fickle. Just a thought.

Utopian Reformist

Thx for the advice Avi & Mulan!

It's funny. Right now, Marina is enjoying the attention and the company. Since everything was destroyed in the fire, her grandparents are replacing her wardrobe each weekend and she is spending QT time with what I consider the enemy.

I have always been the black sheep in the entire situation. Now, my daughter who sounds exactly like her mother in custody, is already counselling me and discouraging me from traveling for my employer and a few other items. I know if the in-laws could adopt or gain custody, they probably would make the effort.

I have to ask myself, is there anything worth saving? Are they too far gone? Have I been away too long? Are they too indoctrinated? Will I be spoiling their happiness? Should I let them decide since they are teenagers?

Marina claims she wants to continue being a JW and is glad to return to the hall and be with the JW in-laws. She does seem very happy. However, I wonder what she is hiding internally about that fateful night and I also wonder whether or not she is concerned about what happened anymore or is just too busy getting over it with the help of the in-laws? I have a lot of unanswered questions.

I certainly do not want to spend the rest of my life fighting with people over the girls in court, nor do I want to prevent anyone from choosing the life they truly want to live. I know I cannot continue having any dealings, association or otherwise with the in-laws.

As it is, I purposely arrive at the hospital when they are already gone. I avoid contact and am miserable that Tonya's actions have thrusted all of us into this situation. They know it and will not admit and keep pretending we're all a "brady bunch".

I see thru the facades and just want out and away from the WTBS and it's people once and for all. If the girls insist on having contact with the JW's thru the in-laws, then so be it. But, I am entitled to search for happiness too.

I can't possibly be of any good to anyone if I am miserable and depressed again, which happens every time I see any of them or any other JW's. I do not want to have a life that includes scheduling visits and contact with the in-laws.

I don't know what to do right now. I am miserable and feeling nauseous.

Brummie

I don't know what to do right now

awww man, I am so sorry for what you have had to go through and put up with, give yourself time and patience, we think of you everyday and hope all this turns out for the best for you.

scootergirl

Mario...I hear your pain in your post. I have no idea what it is to be in your exact predictment, but one thought to keep in mind is that YOU are the girls parents. And even though you may see your oldest seeming very happy in a particular situation (like being at the KH or w/dubs) you know what is best for her. You not only have the maturity but also the history to know how damaging the dubs can be especially w/young impressionable minds. Hold fast, stay strong and keep you and the girl's best interests at heart. You can do it!

kat2u

I know this is such a terrible situation.Your eldest daughter is still in somr kind of shoch no doubt.And being that she is a teen her "feelings" and desires about what she wants will change alot,, all teens do even in the best situations.She really may not be able to make any important decisions for herself right now. I feel so for you and your daughters, You will be their strength!

They will see the situation clearly sooner or later.

Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy

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