(((((UR and daughters))))) You are in my thoughts and prayers. In addition to talking to Talia, have you considered taking some of her favorite music and playing it for her?
Ex-JW Mother attempts suicide with children and fails! My Family Tragedy
by Utopian Reformist 1242 Replies latest members private
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kj
That is a good idea, playing her favorite music for her. When my little brother was in a coma, I taped his cartoons for him and played them for him, and his favorite music. He even remembered hearing some of it.
kj
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gdt
absolutely fantastic to see how much care and love is expressed to you, and your little ones. May my small voice be added to the hundreds of kind people wishing you only good things from now on, our scars bodily and emotionally may never be completely healed, but take the advice of so many of your friends expressed here as best you can. May your family members from Italy and Argentina assure you for the future too. There are so many things which could be a joy for you all, including the girl's mother who must surely come back to reality one day and realize the hurt she has done. Please whilst you blame her and perhaps her upbringing, always know that there is a creator, there is so much good in life and nature that someone has to be given credit, so please keep your faith in the creator alive and well, as best you can in your horrible situation.
One day, please feel free to call me and say you and the kids are having a holiday in Australia, and my wife and I would love to help make it such a good time for you and your kids. why not jot down my email [email protected]
Kind regards,
gdt. geoff.
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seeitallclearlynow
Utopian, I'm so terribly sorry for what your children have been through and I sincerely hope and believe life will be better now, in your care, in the days, months, and years to come.
Thank goodness there are wonderful newer treatments for burns now! I hope your little one gets all the very best treatment.
Here's a link for children with burn injuries. Maybe your daughter can enjoy it with you.
http://www.fondtomafound.org/english/kids/index.htm
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Rabbit
It all seems so surreal...it goes against a mothers instinct to put her at risk.
I cannot imagine reading this as a story in the newspaper...knowing it was my family.
I am so sorry. I hope your wife gets help and I hope your daughters get passed this asap and get a chance to really heal.
And as someone else said, take care of yourself, so you can take care of them.
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Happy Guy :)
UR: Your reality was always my worst nightmare. You have my sympathies. Your daughters may have difficulty trusting adults for a while but you sound like the kind of guy who is prepared to stand by them with patience and understanding. God Bless you all.
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hornetsnest
Hi, UR ---
Of all the kicks in the gut --- and I'm referring to just hearing about it, let alone experiencing it. Keep up the courage, friend.
I can't add much to the advice that others have provided, but I'm hoping that a couple of insights will make your load easier. I figure that would be the greatest help to you, if it can be done.
I drove ambulance years ago and have seen some nasty situations. One of the things that is most "normal" and almost universal among emergency workers is the second-guessing afterward. "Could I have done (whatever) better/quicker/with more skill, etc.", is both a healthy and extremely valuable activity, as one never knows when such introspection will save a life sometime later. Sadly, though, it tends to be one-sided in that all that is considered is where one might have erred. To dwell on that alone can be depressing, if not worse. You don't need those feelings accentuated now.
Therefore, when thinking of these things, be sure to tie in the positive aspects too, using "yes, but . . ." For instance, you might be condemning yourself for not finding the youngest, quicker. "Yes, but I was the one to find her and she is alive. Would she still have been living if I had waited for the firefighters to do it? Didn't I have to pull an end-run around the authorities just to get in there to do it?" Remember, you knew the layout of the house --- they didn't.
Or --- You grabbed your wife's arm and took the knife away from her. That scene cannot help but resonate in your memory. "Yes, but --- if I hadn't, considering her state of mind, could she have figured that all was hopeless and decided not to wait for the fire? She could have reasoned: 'Why not use the knife, first on the girls, then on myself? It would only take a few seconds, and then it would all be over.' " Thanks in large part to you, all three people are still alive. Would ANY have survived if you hadn't been there?
Perhaps somewhere you could have done better IF YOU HAD THE TIME TO PLAN AND THINK, but you didn't as all was chaos. You are a human being, subject to limitations. Only God knows all.
Secondly, let's look at your oldest daughter for a few seconds. Everything that happened in that house is burned indelibly in her mind. She knows what her mother did, if not consciously, then subconsciously. She loves her mother, but deep down she also knows that her mother attempted to kill her. This will create a horrific conflict in her and it will come out in strange ways, including (and especially at first) denial and/or shifting the blame, as the truth is too horrible to face right now. Compare it to how we all felt when we found out that the Society, our "spiritual mother" betrayed us, and you will catch a glimmer of it. How long did it take for our conscious mind to admit the things that our subconscious mind was telling us all along? How many of us defiantly tried to prove it wrong? These things progress in stages and will happen to her. Plan for them.
Therefore, I would suggest that you be honest at all times, but especially gentle and non-condemnatory toward her mother when in her presence. If her subconscious is already condemning her mother and her mind is desperately defending her, she views those feelings as the enemy. If you come along and echo those feelings, you too will be an enemy. Grieve with her, from the standpoint of "I don't know what happened. All I know is that the girl I fell in love with and married could never have done things like these. Something is wrong here." Then let the psychiatrists come up with what that thing is.
The day will come when she will hit the wall, yes. If you can maintain a presence that is non-threatening to her fragile mental state, her natural inclination will be to turn to you in her distress, and you will have gained your daughter again.
Run these things past her counselor, and see if she doesn't agree, but above all, keep your courage up, my brother. I send my love.
LoneWolf
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gypsywildone
I am just readintg this all & trying to absorb it. I am sooo sorry, you asre NOT to blame, you did not have her do these sick things. You only tried to help in the best way you knew how.
I will send Talia a note today. You are in my family's thoughts.
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Undecided
I can't think of anything to say that would convey my feelings for you. I don't know how anyone could take such an experience and still go on. It sounds like some TV movie that is make believe. I'm still crying just reading about this.
Just saying I'm sorry sounds so shallow but it's about all I can do.
Ken P.
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Utopian Reformist
Before I get started with today's update, let me thank Lone Wolf, OutNFree, Undecided, HornetsNest, Rabbitt, Gypsy, WildOne, HappyGuy and so many others for the amazing advice and encouragment about alternative burn therapies (which oddly enough were known by Dr. Harrington the main specialist and surgeon who treated the majority of patients during the Night Club Fire in West Warwick, RI) and thank you for the adice on counseling, theapy and putting the family back together.
A few minutes ago, I ended a 45 minute conversation with the prison's psychiatrist who was charged by Superior Court Judge Higgins to evaluate Tonya and attempt once again to gain cooperation in completing a "competency evaluation".
Of ocurse, the doctor called because Tonya refused to respond, speak, comply, cooperate or show any emotion whatsoever, leading to the doctor's dismay. I related all of the examples that I could remember of her bizarre behavior. He is planning to contact the elders at the Cranston, RI congregation of JW's along with Tonya's family.
In the interim, I am working on trying to get the home repaired and cleaned so that I can temporarily move back in while I reorganize the lives of the children and my own. I will be meeting with Fire Marshall's and inspectors at the site later today. As soon as pictures are developed, I will post them from the inside and outside for your analysis.
Thx again everyone and thx for your loyalty! Simon, thx for the existence of this board! I LOVE YOU BROTHER!