Hey ya'll! My first post. Please help. In need of advice/comfort.

by Stepford Wife 121 Replies latest jw friends

  • John Free
    John Free

    When I suddenly stopped attending elders wanted to meet with me but I told them there is no point because I have doubts that cannot be resolved. Still, some came around uninvited; I welcomed them in, but when they tried digging I simply repeated the statement 'I have doubts, I don't want to talk about them'- they left soon after.

    Remember- having doubts is not a disfellow offense neither is not wanting to talk about them.

    Still, best to avoid the meeting altogether. You know their motive and you know you're not going back-the meeting can achieve nothing good.

    A warm welcome to the forum!

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon
    Can one be DF for not reporting time in service????
  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    Can one be DF for not reporting time in service????

  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro

    SW - I hear what you're saying. I use a similar strategy when people ask me about the borg because I still attend to keep family happy. I even turn in fake FS reports.

    Their specific purpose will be to try to find out why you are inactive and not going to meetings. It's fine to say you believe everything but you'll need to have a believable reason why you're not going. You were stumbled, depressed, discouraged, something.

    I'm sure he hasn't said anything about your doubts which is good. The problem is because your husband is an elder, it's attracting more attention.

    You are right, they can't DF you if you don't give them anything. Just make sure you yes them and you'll be fine.

    I've refused numerous shepherding calls because I"m not confident I won't get angry and say things that will cause me problems.

  • John Free
    John Free

    No James that is not a disfellowshipping offense lol.

    A full list of disfellowshipping ofenses is available on the jwfacts website.- its worth any recent fader checking that list- just to know the enemy

  • Finkelstein

    I told her we can stay home together. Is being inactive something they can shun me for? My husband said they will remove him as an elder if I do not begin to go to meetings. Is that true?

    Firstly they cant shun you for only being inactive that comes about vicariously by each JWS that you know, as they see it .

    .. and they might only remove him as an elder more so if you do get DFed

    The big and most important issue at stake is whether or not your spouting off opposition to set doctrines such as the blood issue. There someone like your husband may rat on you and provoke a JC, where you will inevitably be asked " Do you faithfully accept that the GB members are the FDSL of Jehovah's earthly arrangement ? "

    Your direct answer will decide upon if you will be DFed or not.

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon
    John Free thanks, there have been so many changes over the years, New Light BS.
  • ScenicViewer

    James what could they DF me for? They have no evidence. I committed no sins.

    You don't have to commit a sin to be DF'd, you simply have to disagree with a Watchtower concept. The charge would be apostasy.

    One of this boards most beloved posters, screen name Mouthy, was DF'd because she didn't accept the Society's teachings about 1914.

    This post reveals that she is near death and her active JW daughter won't have anything to do with her even though Grace (Mouthy) committed no sin.


    Some have been able to pull off a meeting with elders with no bad outcome and their fade was successful. Not everyone can do it though. If you decide to go through with meeting with them be very careful and I wish you the best. They really are very sneaky, and probably experienced at drawing information out of people.

  • Stepford Wife
    Stepford Wife
    Finkel thank you for that. My husband told me that they will ask me that question so since you are also confirming this then it is true. My husband was a loving man when. His attitude has changed the more active he became. Anyways thank you for your advice!.
  • Cadellin

    Hi, Stepford Wife:

    I was you, about a decade ago. I was in exactly the same situation--good wife to a loving elder husband. We had a child (well, we still do! But our child was only about seven then). It wasn't blood that woke me up but starting to investigate the turquoise Creation book--actually tracking down original sources and reading them. Wow--what an eyeopener. The depth and breadth of their misrepresentation of sources was heartstopping. My entire family, along with my husbands, were and continue to be strong, zealous JWs. So my world basically fell apart.

    Fortunately, my marriage didn't. My husband ran interference between me and the elders as I became inactive and faded. At one point, they wanted to meet with me after the meeting but during the closing song, my husband whispered to me to leave the KH the moment the prayer was done and wait in the car. Since then, no one has said boo about anything.

    I should add, too, that my husband has never been removed as an elder. We moved to another state about six years after that incident and he was recommended for appointment in the new town. Our child is now 18 and not a JW, although still at home, and it doesn't appear that this makes any difference to my husband's status as an elder. So it must be very dependent on how much the body likes an elder as to whether he will be removed.

    You cannot be d/f for being inactive, but if you answer the "loyalty" question wrong (Do you believe this is Jehovah's organization?) then you might be in line for some kind of sanctions, although I can't imagine a single response to a single question would trigger d/f-ing. Still, maybe it's happened to someone out there.

    It is possible to hold a marriage together, but not easy. I've been lucky in having a wonderful husband and even though he is still deep in "The Truth", and knows my feelings on the whole canard, we maintain mutual respect and our marriage is stronger than ever. I give a LOT of credit to him, because he's balanced, reasonable and loving.

    Welcome to the forum! I'm happy to answer questions. You'll find that it is far more common for a husband to wake up to the TTAT and the wife to remain "in" than the other way around (like with us!).

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