Hi, Stepford Wife:
I was you, about a decade ago. I was in exactly the same situation--good wife to a loving elder husband. We had a child (well, we still do! But our child was only about seven then). It wasn't blood that woke me up but starting to investigate the turquoise Creation book--actually tracking down original sources and reading them. Wow--what an eyeopener. The depth and breadth of their misrepresentation of sources was heartstopping. My entire family, along with my husbands, were and continue to be strong, zealous JWs. So my world basically fell apart.
Fortunately, my marriage didn't. My husband ran interference between me and the elders as I became inactive and faded. At one point, they wanted to meet with me after the meeting but during the closing song, my husband whispered to me to leave the KH the moment the prayer was done and wait in the car. Since then, no one has said boo about anything.
I should add, too, that my husband has never been removed as an elder. We moved to another state about six years after that incident and he was recommended for appointment in the new town. Our child is now 18 and not a JW, although still at home, and it doesn't appear that this makes any difference to my husband's status as an elder. So it must be very dependent on how much the body likes an elder as to whether he will be removed.
You cannot be d/f for being inactive, but if you answer the "loyalty" question wrong (Do you believe this is Jehovah's organization?) then you might be in line for some kind of sanctions, although I can't imagine a single response to a single question would trigger d/f-ing. Still, maybe it's happened to someone out there.
It is possible to hold a marriage together, but not easy. I've been lucky in having a wonderful husband and even though he is still deep in "The Truth", and knows my feelings on the whole canard, we maintain mutual respect and our marriage is stronger than ever. I give a LOT of credit to him, because he's balanced, reasonable and loving.
Welcome to the forum! I'm happy to answer questions. You'll find that it is far more common for a husband to wake up to the TTAT and the wife to remain "in" than the other way around (like with us!).