Hey ya'll! My first post. Please help. In need of advice/comfort.

by Stepford Wife 121 Replies latest jw friends

  • Stepford Wife
    Stepford Wife

    Hey ya'll! I have been lurking for years on this site and others but never had the courage to post anything. Actually I was afraid of posting on an apostate site in the event I was wrong. But now I am convinced that I made the right choice to mentally leave the witnesses. The next step is to physically leave. Gonna be hard since my husband is very active as an elder and everytime I hint about something he asks me if I am reading apostate sites. For example I have been researching about the stance against using blood. I don't think I need to get into details why the JW org has got it all wrong but I secretly tore up my no blood card. When I told my husband that I would take blood he started to cry and tell me that I was one step away from being an apostate and that it would be his duty to report me if I mention this again. Ok so there we are.

    Now, I'm not going down that road. My whole family are witnesses. It is all I know so getting dis-fellowshipped is not an option. So I am going to do the fade. I have not attended a meeting in about 3 months. No service time, nothing. I still have my close friends in the hall and we do things together and they don't seem to mind that I am inactive. My husband comes home the other day and says the brothers want to meet with me and that it is a shepherding call to motivate me to get back in. He said he has tried his best to encourage me and now the elders would like to visit me. And I am a little bit nervous. I never had the brothers talk to me about anything.

    What can they do to me if I have not committed any sins? What will they say? Our daughter told me recently she also does not want to go and I told her we can stay home together. Is being inactive something they can shun me for? My husband said they will remove him as an elder if I do not begin to go to meetings. Is that true?

    Anyone have gone through this already? Thanks in advance ~TD

  • juandefiero

    Stay strong!

    Yes, they will remove him as an elder if you don't go back to the meetings.

    Remember: anything you say can and will be used against you in an elder's meeting.

  • Stepford Wife
    Stepford Wife
    juan ok thank you but what can they do to me if I have not done anything? What is the worst thing about being inactive? My husband and I have moved 3 times in the past 5 years because of this work. Will they notify the other halls about me being inactive?
  • nicolaou

    Welcome to the madhouse StepfordWife!

    Don't agree to meet those elders. Claim stress, doubts, anxiety or anything else you like but avoid meeting with them at all costs.

    As time passes you'll gain confidence and become more comfortable with your situation but it is a long process and you and your husband will have real tests along the way.

    Keep us posted, I know you'll get some great advice from some lovely people around here . . . and a few nutjobs too.

    Oh and , don't meet up with those elders!

  • Stepford Wife
    Stepford Wife
    nico why should I not meet with them? It is only a shepherding call! Not a judicial committee. Why do you say this? What is your experience?
  • nicolaou
    If you are only inactive they can do nothing unless you give them the rope to hang you by. Don't face their questions, you owe them no explanation.
  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro

    Stepford Wife - First of all welcome and I love the name!

    My 2 cents -

    1) yes they can remove him because your inactive but that will depend on how well liked he is on the BOE. If they like him, they can say he's done all he can to reactive you. If they don't, then they will wack him.

    2) I wouldn't met with any other elders. Say your not comfortable, depressed whatever you can do.

  • Stepford Wife
    Stepford Wife
    But I have nothing to tell them. If they ask me anything I will say I agree with everything the Borg says including the blood issue. My husband has assured me that he has said nothing to them about my doubts.
  • skin
    Welcome to this site from New Zealand, thanks for dropping in and letting us know your circumstances. Sorry I'm no help but I look forward to seeing what others say and please keep us up to date with your life. Can't be easy for you knowing TTATT living with an active elder.
  • nicolaou
    It is only a shepherding call!

    How would you answer the question; "Do you still believe this is Jehovah's organisation?"

    What if your husband has informed them of your new views on the blood policy? Would you defend yourself?

    It is never only a shepherding call, it's a Pandora's box you do not want to open.

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