Is he interested?

by Sunnybear 111 Replies latest social relationships

  • Vanderhoven7
    My biggest fear is that he is just using me and at this point, I can't tell. Since we don't have sex that often, I don't feel like he is using me for sex. I have been tempted to ghost him (Block him and erase his phone number). I feel like that is the only way I can really end it and stick to my decision to do so.

    Your biggest fear should be how you can get out of this unacceptable relationship without serious pressure and harassment. Have you talked to his ex? Try breaking the relationship off and you will see what he is really like. My take is this: Tell him its over, block his emails, phone calls etc. and you will find his foot inextricably in your door. The bad-mouthing and criticism will continue ad infinitum.

    Shake this guy loose and fast.

  • dubstepped

    Who told you it "sounds" a little like a cult.


    You have page after page of people telling you as much. What more do you need?

    Again I'll point out that you broke up with him and he "refused" so you are still with him. WTF?

  • KiddingMe

    I'm sorry. Welcome to the forum!!

    The points you disagree about this religion are valid. Feel free to search those topics or post a new thread regarding them.

    Is he baptized? I'm assuming not if you've met his family, they sound a little more lax then the typical JW family. Not that that changes anything, even if the relationship is not just sexual, it's still conditional with the hope of you eventually becoming a JW.

    Basically, the religion teaches marriage before sex, and only with JW's. This is likely why the long term relationship isn't going to work for him. If he is not baptized, he knows eventually he plan to get baptized and in the long run you would be an obstacle since you are not a JW.

    As a way around this obstacle I've seen many young JW's seek relationships outside of the religion with hopes that there mate would eventually study and get baptized. This would make their life decisions to be made on if holidays, and birthdays are celebrated in the household.

  • Pubsinger

    Seriously, follow my advice and see how quickly he drops YOU...

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut
    Welcome to the forum.

    I didn't have time to read all the responses to your opening post but in a nutshell, here's my thoughts.

    If he is on Match.Com, having premarital sex and then following up with all of this by giving you JW literature, he is one messed up dude. He is going against everything he believes while trying to introduce you to the very same beliefs he is going against, himself.

    He told you flat out that he doesn't want to move forward with your relationship. What more do you need?

    You told him you want to end the relationship but he continued to contact you and you allowed it . What's going on there? You are trying to figure out what's going on with him but it seems to me the solution lies in figuring out why you are allowing this to happen.

    The handwriting has been on the wall all along.

  • smiddy3

    He has invited me to church and told me he would go with me if I ever wanted to see what it was about.

    And you would be love bombed by the congregation as a newcomer.

    In the booklet, they say that Jehovah is written as God's name 70 times in scripture. But, when Iooked Jehovah up in original Hebrew, I only saw it written 4 times as just Jehovah.

    In the publication of JW "The Kingdom Interlinear Of The Christian Greek Scriptures" a word for word translation of the Greek New Testament the Tetragrammaton representing Gods name does not exist at all yet JW`s have added the name Jehovah in their translation of the New Testament ?

    If they lie about his name being in the New Testament what else would they lie about.

    One more important thing to consider :Their are numerous / many scriptures in the New Testament that admonish Christians to do this,that or the other in the NAME of JESUS .

    Their is not one Scripture in the New Testament that admonishes Christians to do ANYTHING in the name of Jehovah ,not one.

  • Sunnybear

    We had a long discussion last night and he told me that if I became a JW he would be more open to the possibility of having a future with me, but at the same time he told me that he does not want me to become a JW just to get closer to him. He again suggested I meet with his mom and another sister from the church to discuss the contents of the booklet he gave me.

    He has one ex-girlfriend. They dated for 5 years. As far as I know she was not a JW and he broke up with her because he "feel out of love" with her. He has never said anything bad about her but does wish that they were still friends.

    When I have tried to end it with him in the past, I will be honest and say he does "turn up the charm." He will say that he refuses to allow us to end things and then he will be more aggressive about pursuing me (taking me to fancy dinners, texting/calling more often, pouring on the I love you's, etc.). After one disagreement about our relationship status, he asked me out twice in one week~ and paid both times.

    It has been asked, why didn't I just end it with a guy who says things like "I refuse to allow this to end.". Some of it is because I do love him and I believe he loves me. Some of it is because I don't want trouble. Some of it is because I am genuinely afraid I won't find someone I like as much as I like him.

    There are a lot of things about him I really do like. He has a good heart, he is super affectionate, he is funny, he is intelligent, and has a good job. It is difficult to find a guy like him. I dated many, many guys before I met him and he is the first guy who fit what I was looking for.

    With that being said, I am not sure my needs are getting met. He seems to like me more when he is afraid of losing me. I feel like I am putting in more effort than he is. He loves spending time with me. But I have to ask if he would be there for me if I needed help. Would he help me if I got a flat tire? If I got the flu would he volunteer to walk my dog and buy me ginger-ale? Should I continue in this relationship to see if he would?

    I know this is not JW specific. I really don't know what to do about this guy. I know many of you think I should drop him, but it is complicated because I really do care about him. If I were to actually decide to end things, I would have to ghost him. (And after this discussion, I have gotten very close to doing exactly that).

    Also, I am curious about his beliefs. If anything, the book he gave me has prompted me to get into the word and examine what scripture actually says. He and I have had deep discussions about our beliefs and I feel like its difficult to find a guy who is willing to have those discussions. I do plan on opening up other threads to figure out how I really feel about things.

  • Freedom rocks
    Freedom rocks

    Hi sunnybear if you are gong to meet with his mum to discuss the book then I'd recommend looking at jwfacts as well ance seriously do your research on this cult and watch videos on YouTube from exjws so you get a balanced view. It sounds as though he is a narcissist in that he's bribing you and giving you a hope for the future (on his terms) in that it "might" go somewhere but only if you become a jw. I bet if you told his mum you were in a sexual relationship with him that things would be very different.

    There are lots of genuinely nice men out there and there will be someone that's right for you, this man seriously doesn't sound like the right one. If you want a relationship where you can have discussions about your beliefs you could always try the Christian connections dating website maybe to find someone with similar beliefs.

    You really don't want to be married in a religion where women are treated as 2nd class citizens and where you can't be yourself. I know this from experience as do quite a few others on here.

    I wish you well

  • Sunnybear
    Once you have been "converted" he knows you would never tell of your relationship as consequences would now be had for you and him and so all the power lies with him to choose to make your relationship formal or to drop you like a hot potato. You will have no power or say in what happens.~ More confused than ever

    This post really makes a lot of sense!

  • dubstepped

    You asked how he would be if you were sick and needed him. Ask him how he would react if you were in an accident and needed a blood transfusion to save your life? Or barring that, could you watch the man you love so much die because he wouldn't take blood? That's right, they are forbidden to take blood.

    By the way, this whole I don't want to cause trouble/I can't stand up for myself in big things if someone treats me nice in small ones is how people end up in cults. Yeah, that JW sends up red flags but oh, they're so nice. Yes they are. Manipulative sociopaths often are too. That's how they get their victims. They're nice when they want something, but when you don't want something that they want for you it doesn't go well.

    I think we're wasting our time. You have this guy built up in your head. He's a man of works from a works based cult where it's all about appearances but very hollow inside. You are enamored with him paying for meals and doing the works outwardly, but how much does he connect deeply. He doesn't respect your wishes to the point that you'd have to ghost him. Do you realize that's how many have to leave the cult? To ghost them and start a new life elsewhere? They don't let up. He isn't letting up. What are you will to let happen?

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