Is he interested?

by Sunnybear 111 Replies latest social relationships

  • Sunnybear

    Hello. I met a wonderful man on several months ago. On our first date, there was amazing chemistry and we ended up having sex. It was not planned, it just happened. I am Christian. His dating profile said he was christian. Later, I found out he was Jehovahs Witness.

    We have been dating for six months. I asked him if I was his girlfriend and he told me "I love you. You are my best friend. But I don't think a marriage would work between us. I don't want to ruin what we have by making this a relationship."

    I told him I wanted to end it and he refused. He wants to keep seeing me and spending time together. He texts me all day and we see each other once a week.

    Soon after that, he gave me a booklet on his beliefs and he wants me to start meeting with his mom and another female JW to discuss the contents of the book. Honesty, many of the things in the book are similar to my beliefs and a few things are different (But those are BIG things).

    I can't tell if he is interested in something potentially longterm and is waiting until I accept his religious beliefs OR if he is not interested in a future and is just having fun with me. If he is interested in something that could be longterm, I will continue seeing him, meet with his mom and find out what his beliefs are really all about.

    If he is just having fun with me (place filler) I will end it.

    Any advice?

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    To mess emotionally with a Jehovah's Witness is to invite disaster into your life.

    Truly you would regret getting more deeply involved with this man who is already wrestling with his conscience (if he has one) because sex outside of marriage is a religious offence for JWs.

    If you want to remain sunny Sunnybear, please do not listen to the teachings of this paranoid toxic cult and look for an honest partner who instead will put you and your interests above and ahead of his religious obligations.

  • fastJehu

    Hi Sunnybear,

    meat with his mom and the other female JW and tell them in the first 5 minutes, that you have a deep relationship with her son including sex once a week (since half a year). You will see, what will happen.

    Don't let yourself be forced into a dangerous cult whose supreme rules your friend doesn't follow. If his mom know that you have sex with his son, he has to be repent and he is being forced by the sect not to see you again.

    If he does not abide by it, he will be excluded from the sect and his whole family and the entire congregation will no longer be allowed to have contact with him. This is the most inhuman thing you can do to a human being. It's cruel.

    It's hard - but please run away from this cult, as fast as you can.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen
    I told him I wanted to end it and he refused.

    Doesn't this mean he really only cares about him, not really about your feelings?

    If you want to end it, you can. That's your decision. You don't need his permission. He has absolutely no say in that. Just as you can't force him to stay with you if he doesn't want to.

    Does he disregard your input and opinion in other things as well?

    From the rest of what you write it's clear he doesn't really want you to be part of his life long term. Believe him when he says it isn't gonna work out long term.

    The man is telling you he won't be with you for long. He just want a sexual friendship with no commitment. He told you. Believe what he told you.

    Now if you are fine being friends with benefits for as long as it lasts, by all means have fun.

    If you're not fine with that, leave. It's your decision, and your decision only.

    Don't stick around to see if you can change his mind, you can't. Believe what the man told you.

    The above is all just about human interaction. In this case, it gets even worse because there's a cult involved. If you are anything less than absolutely sure that both you and him want to be committed to each other for a long time, leave.

    Yes, that hurts. But it's better than wasting your precious time with someone who doesn't want to be committed to you if that is what you desire.

    Good luck!

  • tiki

    He must be on the fringes of the religion...seems to me having a relationship with a non witness, including sex would get him in major doodoo if his elders found out.... He is not worth your time anyway...anders explained it to perfection....break it off...hang in there...thare is better than that for you.

  • Vanderhoven7

    Back to This is not a match and never will be unless you join a cult...and then you will know there is a hell after all.

  • ducatijoe

    ADVICE??? RUN! He's is living such a double life. He has no loyalty. He's a coward.


  • OnTheWayOut

    This guy will only be happy if he converts you to JW. Run away! Run away!

    If he is clingy and you feel he will be difficult to get rid of, then do as fastjehu says and meet with his mom just to tell her about the sex and all.

    He is breaking their rules by seeing you. He is extremely breaking their rules by having sex outside of marriage, and each time adds to his guilt. I am okay with two people doing what they want, but Jehovah's Witnesses are not okay with that. He will only have a "relationship" if you become a Jehovah's Witness, and that's a doomsday cult that uses coercive mind control. Run away! Run away!

  • nonjwspouse

    You are describing a very toxic relationship.


  • dubstepped

    I can't get past you trying to end it and him "refusing". Why are you still seeing him? You do realize you have a choice, right? It only takes one to end it.

    Honestly, he's got you on the down low and is trying to convert you as well. He's messed up. Step back outside yourself and read what you wrote. It sounds abusive and like you're just along for the abusive ride. If it starts like this, do you think it will get better?

    Tell him to get lost. He doesn't respect you, and you need to respect yourself. Nothing screams desperate like dating a guy because he refuses to take no for an answer and then looking into his cult. JWs are a powerful cult that utterly destroy families.

    R-U-N, not just from him but also to see a therapist to see what makes you attracted to a guy like this. You're willing to overlook huge red flags, and that may be something you need to address internally.

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