What is the most bizarre counsel you received as a JW, from a JW?

by Funchback 180 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Aprostate Exam
    Aprostate Exam

    I was the assigned reader for the Witchower on a Sunday for the study. I wore modest suits and my mom always made sure I looked spiffy. A bastard Elder came up to me at the end of the meeting and told me that I should cross my legs when participating on the platform. That disgusting bastard was looking at my [email protected]#k and B%#ls.

    Some Idiot Elder that would make up sh*t as he always got into doctrinal pickles. This elder told my mom and I that we would make it into the new system if we turned at least one worldly person into a Dub.

    Also, my mom had me burn some Cabbage Patch Kid dolls, because Brothers said they were demonic.

    Did anyone ever hear the stupid story about the kid in a hall who was sleeping on the floor between a row of seats? He woke up crying because his Barney plush toy woke him up and ran out of the hall laughing?

  • SoJo16
    One Sunday I wore a button down shirt and men's tie over a skirt. I was pulled aside very quickly and was told it was not appropriate attire for a sister.
  • DwainBowman

    Oh did you guys give me a good bunch of laughs!

    One CO, would explain the rules of driving to whoever would be driving in service. The driver was not to even be involved in the conversations with others in the group while driving. The driver must keep both hands at the 2 and 10 position all the time while driving. No eating, drinking, looking at a cell phone, or territory card or map! About 10 minutes explaining all of this!

    I have many more, but the brain is not working tonight!


  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    Did anyone ever hear the stupid story about the kid in a hall who was sleeping on the floor between a row of seats? He woke up crying because his Barney plush toy woke him up and ran out of the hall laughing?

    I never heard of this story but it sounds like a variation of the Smurf doll urban hoax story. I read it on here years ago. It goes something like this, "Smurf doll was sitting on one of the seats at the KH when about half way through the study, the Smurf doll got up, said enough of this shit and walked out". I recall the poster saying that at least that Smurf doll had more sense then the dubs to sit through the BS. lol

    Well, the manager (a JW) refused to eat any of them. But one of the other workers there (also a JW) would take a knife and scrape the Christmas icing off of the cookies and then eat them (I guess that made them less pagan).

    Yeah they are so inconsistent with what they practice. I knew one elder that said if you offer me Christmas candy I would eat it. I recall a story where my ex was out in service took out a holiday chocolate and started to eat it and a sister had a shit hemorrhage. So inconsistent.

  • Dissonant15
    @funchback we had Anthony Conti too at one point LOL. He was as old as the pyramids. I remember he used to make a chopping gesture with his hand and it was funny that his crooked fingers were all misaligned to constantly slant downward
  • wozza

    My ex was counselled for smoking on the FS ,someone reported seeing her from a distance ,it was her pen as she used to be very fussy keeping notes of return visits ,then I counselled the elders for approaching her instead of me first.

    Old elder giving talk ,stops and points out to the sisters in the front row that they were dressed immodestly and should move to the back of the hall, all skirts were on the knee.I later asked him why he was looking up the skirts of those sisters - no priveledges for a while.

    Priveledges taken off me once at the back of the hall by an elder in front of the roster and an audience of bros and sisters - I had,nt had time earlier that day to drop everything and fix his computer for free.

    A brother counselled in front of a congregation for working the mikes with a "shiny" suit on by DO Franz Hoobler -what a prat.

    The old elder mentioned before, while conducting the Watchtower study on apostate literature says he picks up a copy of The Plain Truth" (religious mag) at the railway station on the way to work regularly, then counsells the congo against taking the book of Mormon or any religious literature from house holders .,

    Counselled to not talk about the pedophiles in the congregation

    Oh and this little gem from the "80s in Adelaide Australia at the district Assembly by a prominent DO at the time "brothers do not follow the world with your haircuts ,especially the one they call the "penis cut",

    That one cracked me up as it was just short back and sides just like 99% of old brothers

  • Diogenesister

    Oh yes I had the hairdye is worldly. In fact, I was told you are not allowed to dye your hair.

    Anyway, stupid one is this.

    I was in a school play & I was going to be wearing a (particularly beautiful)sari my school friend lent me. I was told, in all seriousness, that I should rethink it as Indian religon is demonic and some Indian women in Saris' have been known to astrally project.

  • smiddy

    About 3 times in my 33 years of association I tried to sport a beard in different congregations and I was always counselled to remove it .

    For the past 22 years I have proudly worn my beard


  • Oubliette

    William Penwell: The elders fall back line is always, well if it should make someone stumble then maybe you should [not] do it.

    And that, my friend, is how the people with "weak consciences" end up ruling the congregation!

  • Oubliette

    Muddy Waters It's like death by a thousand cuts.

    Very apt description!

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