hmmm where do I start...first let me validate myself, I have 2 deaf parents..count em, 2. I have read through all of your posts and from what I have read you sound as though you have a strong vocabulary base and a head for phrasing. To be honest...if you ARE deaf and you have that good of a vocabulary then you should REALLY be working somewhere other than walmart...I find it hard to swallow some of your cries for "pity on the deaf person" my parents never even at their lowest would have used their deafness as a way to solicit others' financial resources. Trust me... with as intelligent as you sound It surprises me that you bring up your "deafness" as a reason for not being able to succeed. Both of my parents are degree'd with a father who runs his own college level language translation program. This thread has really hit a nerve with me...use that language ability that you have been given for some better purpose than asking for assistance on a public forum board such as this...
Ok let me ask you this question. Are you saying that all deaf people (and I mean the entire population around the world as a whole) are supposed be illeterate in some fashion? Limited to say the least? Is that something you are basing upon the experience from your parents? Or with any deaf individuals in all your years?
There may not be tons of deaf people who have the same kind of education as I did, but I am one of (I guess, I have no idea how many there are out there that is like me) the few(?) that is very intelligent regardless of my deafness.
Secondly, I didn't go to college. I skipped that. I went through high school and that was that. I went to a private deaf school in Des Plaines (now moved to Northbrook, IL), IL.
CENTER ON DEAFNESS
3444 Dundee Rd., Northbrook, IL 60062, 847/559-0110, tty 847/559-9493, Fax: 847/559-8199
Serves deaf students & adults in resid setting
Center on Deafness is a non-profit organization and they are dependant on donations from all over the United States. Both my mom and Indiana Vocational Rehab footed my educational bill. It's also the same school where actress Marlee Matlin attended and she took drama class there, which is to her credit lead to her success in landing a film based on the play "Children of a Lesser God". She was in a stage play in Chicago. Other cities had the same kind of play. Some fella in hollywood liked the play and sent some people in various cities hosting "Children of a Lesser God" and Marlee was picked out of all other deaf actresses. In other words, she got extremely lucky.
Then later, she did TV movies as well as some big screen movies. She also had a short lived television series called "Reasonable Doubt" whom she played a deaf attorney.
By the way, her literacy is far higher than mine. Hell, she's better than I am. I am damn proud to have known her. I also dated her girlfiend Janine Therese (Tracy) Alesia. Great girl. Only problem is I'm a country boy and she's a city girl. We never did pan out, but it wasn't that any of a big deal of a loss for the both of us. We're still in touch from time to time. She has a beautiful daughter now, 13 years old.
The big deal was I lost my fiancee two years ago. I told Jesika alot about it via our email corespondance. That's another story. I may talk about it some other time.
Back on track....
Center on Deafness also runs a special program called ICODA (The International Center on Deafness and the Arts )
The school also has a theraputic program with special councelors and shrinks (I can't spell Physwhatever spells) that works with kids like me who are mentally and emotionally screwed up because of their deafness and like me, I had a hard time accepting my deafness growing up. I'll explain more in a bit.
Anyway I spent 4 years there at CoD. Before that I spent 8 years in a special ed classes in a HEARING -SCHOOL. Big mistake on my mom's part and she realized that later, hence I ended up at CoD in my latter years. (Which the school basically saved my life) I was really really messed up bad in those special ed hearing school because it's not only mixed with deaf and hard of hearing stupids but also surrounded by ALOT of hearing kids who attend regular classes outside of the special ed program.
Hearing kids would make fun of us because we were "different" and I would end up in the principle's office more times than I could count for fights with the hearing kids. At that time I absolutely hated the hearing kids the same as a redneck would hate black people. I despised(s?) them and my hate was so bad that I wished I could kill them all.
Fortunantly, I never killed anybody and I'm glad I never did. I would hate to think what my life would be like if I had murdered some kid on account of my hate.
What makes matter even worse was that I hated my deafness. I wouldn't accept it. Simply because as I have posted earlier, my father told me when I was 8 years old that I was a worthless crap of a human being (he said "sh*t" actually) and that I would never amount to anything. Like I said before, something inside me died.
What I did not say is that I spent many years, wasted years trying to win my father's love and acceptance and I never got any from him. Now he's an old man, 79 years old and he could choke at any given time and I would most likely never get what I have sought all my life.
I know God accepts me for who I am and He loves me. But it's not the same as my wants from my own biological father. I'm so hungry for his love and acceptance that I have no idea what I am going to do or react to it when my father dies.
I was also suicidal growing up as well, hence that's where my mom found CoD, completed with not only meeting my educational needs, but also my mental and emotional needs.
Like I said in my previous posts. I beat my mom because I didn't know how to handle my problems nor did I know how to communicate with my mother. I spent too many years keeping my problems verbally to myself, except with my fists. I was also angry at my father for not accepting me that I wanted to beat my dad, but couldn't because when he yelled at me at the age of 8, he scared the crap out of me. So I was deathly afraid of my father, plus he was bigger than me. So I took advantage of my mother's frail skinny body and would beat her instead. Plus she was an alcoholic and most of the time she was drunk when I had beat on her. Funny thing is, she accepted the beatings because she felt like she deserved it like she had done something wrong in her marriage.
Dad would go out and have affairs with other women and mom knew about them. So to hide from her emotional pain, she would get drunk.
So with me up at CoD, she got help too. She entered in a alcohol rehab. She spent a year there. Got sober and stayed sober right up to the day when she died in November 28,. 1993. She was 67.
We reconciled our differences and our bond became stronger with each other moreso that we've ever had in many years. I told mom how sorry I was in the way I treated her during those years and she forgave me. She never told dad about the beatings. Plus my dad would be gone for weeks or even months at a time that none of the bruises would be visible by the time he came home. Most of the beatings was middle body and I barely ever touched her face. But I have touched her face a number of times and the bruises would already be healed before dad came home from whereever the hell he was for a month or two.Had dad know, I would probably have ended up six feet deep in the ground. My sister and brother never knew of it either. They both had already moved out before all this started. (I was born 10 years after my brother, mom was 38 when she had me)
Now as far as the "pity" thing goes. I am not asking for pity from ANYBODY. I dont' want any of your pity, period. I would explain WHY I am having a hard time finding a new job or even a part time job for that matter. I'm tired of having to explain this over and over again. I explained it already and I'm not gonna do it again, so read my previous post and if none of you readers can't accept it, tough. That's your problem, not mine.
you said in one paragraph that idioms were a difficulty and just a post or two later your mother was "fighting tooth and nail" hmmm tooth and nail eh? Thats quite a mouthful of idiomic english vocabulary...if by some random chance I am wrong then I will be more than glad to retract my statements but I wonder about the validity of your claim to being "deaf". Even if you are, use some other reason to justify your need for assitance. Being deaf is no excuse for not being able to get ahead...
"fighting tooth and nail" is too easy for me to figure that out. Because of the word "fighting" makes the rest of the words easy to figure out what it means. DUH!
"Kettle calling pot black"...what the heck does that mean? I hearing it tons load of times and I never have figure out what it means nor do I know the origins of it. Beats the heck out of me. I never bothered to ask and this idiom looks dumb, so I don't use it.
"You're full of baloney" is another thing that took me a while to figure out, but I eventually did. It means the same as you're full of crap! LOL
And speaking of crap. This is a very interesting witch hunt some folks have going against me, nitpicking me and trying to find wrongs about me. Now why does this all look familar to me? Hmmmm? Lemme guess, this have anything to do with the fact that you all were once Jehovah's Witness? The game callerd witch hunt seems to be the number one sports game that JWs play on each other all the time. Even the Elders play the same game. Even after many get df'ed from the so called "truth". The game still goes on outside the organization.
This is interesting indeed.
On a final note, as of this day at present with my life. I do NOT use my deafness as an excuse for ANY reason at ANY given time no matter what the situation may be. I want to be absolute perfectly clear on this matter. I do not use my deafness as an excuse when I cannot find a better job. I do not use my deafness as an excuse when I am behind my bills.
For the record, today at this day, I am not ashamed of being deaf, I used to be, but no more! I stand with my chin high and mighty proud to be deaf and I REFUSE to allow anyone to tell me any different.
Now if anyone wants records of my audioalogy(s?) tests that I have been through growing up, I would be happy to provide my records. I will have to write a letter and request a release forms for me to fill out and I will need names and addresses of whom are requesting copies of my records mailed to.
Is there anything else?
Edited by - Yizuman on 8 December 2002 7:6:13
