by waiting 205 Replies latest jw experiences

  • freddi

    hi all,
    i am 41 yrs old. my discovery of j.w.'s came at the tender age of 13. my best friend introduce me to the religion. what did i know at the time? all i knew is that i was searching for some sort of faith in my life since my parents decided to leave it totally up to me. thank god!!! i continued studying in and out as a teenager who was also dealing with being molested. i guess that i was searching for the help that my mom was not giving me. my best friend saw my unhappiness as a gate. i am not saying that she manipulated the situation but she did see that i was in need of help.
    i kept reading every piece of j.w. material that i could get my hands on but by the time i turned 18, i was just consumed with getting out from my abuser's clutches to dedicate myself. finally after more yrs of trying to find myself in any form, i decided to study seriously. by this time i was 22 yrs. old and i had a son. basically i joined the k.h. for my son. i wanted him to grow up in a united org. who cared about us.
    eventually, i met a brother who prentended to be in good standing. he was considered perfect marrying material. we dated for about 6 months and he taught me the fine art of foreplay and i mean this literally. he would tell not to let the elders know. he said that it was okay as long as we were getting married and since we weren't having real sex. i decided to fool myself into believing what he was saying. remember, i had come from being sexually abused as a teenager. so i thought that i could trust him as long as i had my body for him to play with. the elders never found out. i was baptized at 29 and my baptizmal present from my fiance was to go beyond foreplay. it was now time for the full exposure. i really didn't want to but i was kind of forced into it.
    anyway, the marriage was a wash. as soon as he married he changed. he got what he wanted. needless to say he was disfellowshipped because i discovered that he had been having sex with many women and he had even impregnated a few. i hauled his behind into a meeting with the elders. i also brought with me 2 of the women that he was sleeping with. my husband was thus disfellowshipped and i have still to be re-baptized, according to the elders. when i heard them call out my husband's name as the next person to be dfd i felt so ashamed and hurt.
    things started to crumble after that. i had stopped attending the meetings, blaming situations and making up reasons not to make it even before my husband was dfd. i couldn't take the control. i had to find an escape. i was tired of feeling like all my life had to revolve around what the society thought was best. then i stopped attending altogether. i had to find me. i needed to get in touch with myself.
    well, the good news is that i immediately divorced that idiot and i married an exceptional so-called "worldly" man. he is the best thing that has happened to me next to my son. i am enjoying what life has to offer without feeling guilty about what i say, do, eat, wear, watch, or how i have sex. what freedom.

  • paulvarjak

    I'm 28 and was raised as a fourth generation JW and baptised at 11 (how stupid was that). I pioneered for several years, moved where the need was great and met my now ex-wife and married. Appointed elder at age 23 (again, how stupid was that!). I guess I always had my share of doubts (flood, evolution, GB, always applying prophecy to the org., etc), but was always somehow able to suppress them. But, about two years ago, I remember reading a book concerning the ancient mediterranean and came across the date 586/587. Of course I dutifully did my research and found the 607 (and thus 1914) date to be a sham. It was only then that I allowed myself to truly delve into possible problems with the org. It didn't take long to come to a full realization. When I finally made my decision and disassociated, my wife and family evaporated. Luckily, I had non JW friends at work that I had been leaning on and they helped tremendously.

    Anyway, happy ending. Yes, it has had great emotional consequence, but I'm truly happy and free. I've laid aside the guilt that had always plagued me and kept me so unhappy and am embracing life with my eyes wide open. Each day I realize a little more that, unlike JW teaching, this world is an amazing and beautiful place.


  • waiting

    Hey Freddi, (women first), Eric, and Paul (and anyone else I missed by accident!

    Welcome to our forum. Always nice to meet others like ourselves. Pretty well duped until something/someone opened our eyes and minds for a second - then WHOOSH!!! - we start saying "hmmmmmm...this doesn't add up, now does it?"

    And then, it seems, the inevitable exodus into reality.

    Welcome and hope ya'll hang around.


  • Carmel

    ....Waiting sweetheart, ain't nobody like you.......


  • bajarama

    Hi All,

    Df'd, 26, wife, 18 month old boy, 5 month old girl and a trip to the doc for the big V, scary shit. Live in Montana, the Yellowstone river is a mile away, just got home from fishing.


  • Carmel


    Just a warning, the right side, no problem! Left side hurts like sumbitch!

    three day drunk though will take care of everything

    carmel who walks straigh and tall...now

  • dins

    Hello everyone,

    I am new to this site and enjoy it very much. Never knew there were so many people in the same situation.

    I was raised as a JW. Don't have very good memories at all; endless boring hours at meetings and assemblies, out in service where most people were hostile, and lots of hypocrisy and backbiting in the organisation. Fortunately for me, I had a good sense of who I was at an early age and vowed that I wouldn't get baptised even though I was asked constantly when I was going to be. I was the only teenager NOT baptised in the group. (I guess I was marked then.)

    My parents were very weak in their convictions and stuck in there probably more out of convenience rather than any sense of belief. It was easier (and cheaper) not to celebrate holidays or birthdays or get invovled with any of the "wordly things."

    When I was 18, I packed my car and moved to Florida to go to college, although was advised that it would be a waste of time as Armegeddon was "just around the corner." That was 13 years ago.

    I had a wild time, finally living. I married a man from the UK and spent 8 years in London, working in London at the House of Lords and the Old Bailey as a Court Stenographer. I traveled extensively and have seen a lot of things beyond the organisation. I had a lovely son named Luke, who is now 9 years old.

    Breaking tradition, my husband and I have since parted company (uh-oh!!) and I am back in the States now. I have a lucrative career in a courthouse as an official reporter and love it. I have finally come out of the feeling guilty stage of my life and I am enjoying every day as it comes.

    I shudder at the idea that I might have just listened to everyone, not gone to college, just waiting for the "end of this system of things." I don't consider myself an apostate (apostates were always portrayed by the borg as wild looking old men with beards and demonised eyes). I consider myself and those of you survivors in the best sort of way. I think our experiences have made us stronger and certainly more determined to make something of our lives.

    I thank you for reading this. Best to you all..


  • slipnslidemaster

    My mother found the "truth" when I was less then one year old. I was raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I figured out at 13 or so that this was not for me and I started my struggle against the borg.

    I fought elders and parents and elders and CO's. However, for some reason I have been luckier then some here on the board. I was never disfellowshipped. I have been reproved twice, once public, once private and marked.

    I am now inactive and a constant source of irritation for the elders of the hall that I am in the territory of. I like to think that after all this time they respect my intelligence and tenacity, but somehow I should know better. Especially after reading and posting on this board, I know that these are very petty, uneducated men that get off on lording it over the flock.

    They are no match for me.

    p.s. I have self-esteem issues and consider myself emotionally retarded. Brands that I will carry until I die, thanks to "publishing firm".

    Slipnslidemaster: I thought you said your dog doesn't bite? That isn't my dog!

  • Cautious

    This seems to be a really good place for my first post. I've been dfed for nearly seven years and never realised that exJWs communicated like this. I've never posted to discussion boards, but like someone in an earlier post (sorry, I can't remember your name), I experienced a lot of feelings, ones that I thought I had dealt with. I guess having over twenty years of constant bombardment tends to leave deep scars.

    Like many, I was baptised young (14), regular pioneered for a while.

    I guess the turning point for me came when I had problems and sought "worldly" help. These people were so much nicer to me than my "brothers & sisters" were, not at all judgemental. It was wonderful being with people who could accept you as you were. They even gave myself and my children housing when my "brothers" would have let us be on the streets. That was when I allowed all the doubts I had pushed down on for years loose, and from then on I wouldn't turn back, just keep running from the org. I've been very cautious about committing to anything since then!

    I guess there is one thing I am grateful to the Borg for - they do teach you how to study! I found it really useful in studying for my degree.

    Thanks for listening

  • Carmel

    Greetings Cautious from a kindred spirit. Skeptically trained by twisted sisters and their male overlords of the Borg.


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