I heard this talk at the DC too, and have been mulling it over for some time. After hearing it again in this video, I was reminded of my feelings on the matter.
I have been a baptized JW for 30 years, and just recently stepped down as an elder after 9 years. Here is an experience that shows that flat-out direct shunning of ALL does not provide the best benefit:
When we still had the Book Study arrangement, Ms Harper and I were attending the KH Book Study... I was the conductor. Now for anyone that doesnt know.... if you had the KH Book study, that was where anyone who was disfellowshipped would come...ie.They werent "allowed" to attend at a private home. So, we had several that would come to the KH, and on any given night, we may have as many as 3 or 4 DF ones. We were always happy to see them, because they had made the enormous effort entailed just to be there.
There was no possible human way that we could ignore them, and treat them like pond scum. I didnt care what their "offense" was, it just wasnt right to treat them in a completely sub-human fashion. Ms Harper and I would always acknowledge their efforts, with a little wink, a nod, and even a "hi, good to see you tonight".
We always made it a practice to have "goody night" at least once a month, even at the KH, just to give the friends a small outlet to get out of the drudgery of another night at the KH. We always had a good time! On those nights, we would "break the rules" even more. Ms Harper would go to the back a few minutes early, before the meeting ended, and make some "to go" plates. As soon as the concluding prayer was said, and the DF ones would get up to leave, she would meet every one of them at the door, give them a plate, and make sure to say a few encouraging words to them on their way out. We ALWAYS wanted them to know that they were in our thoughts, and that we were NOT going to ignore them. They were NOT invisible to us, and we appreciated the HUGE amount of effort it took for them just to be there. They were a part of our little KH family too, and we loved them. We didnt care what their "offense" was that put them in that particular situation, we werent going to judge them.
We did this for a quite a while, and it reaped GREAT benefits! Some returned, some did not, but we DID get feedback from our efforts. Many of the "friends" turned up the scowling eyebrow, and we got a lot of flack for it, but in the end, I would just pull the "elder" card, and tell them to mind their own business. We took some heat, but it was worth it.
Some would be in tears, and spend half the meeting in the girls bathroom with Ms Harper, pouring out their hearts to her. Oh, the other 'sisters' would fume! She listened tho, offered a loving shoulder to cry on, and was always there for them. It went on like this for many months.
Several, and I can think of very specific individuals, that were eventually reinstated, and some who werent, came to us both later and expressed their gratitude for us "breaking the rules". The concern we showed in the little things, and the small ways that we were there for them had made all the difference in their struggles. They were truly greatful for NOT being shunned. It showed them that people were still HUMAN!
I guess my point is that complete, unabashed shunning is NOT the way to show people that you love them,.... its just not. I know firsthand, I have seen it both ways, and Ms Harper and I will ALWAYS be the first to acknowledge you for who you are, as a person with feelings and struggles of your own. What you decide to do with your life is up to you, and you should not be FORCED to do anything. Emotional blackmail is WRONG.
Jack Harper, Tech49