I have felt that love when I was in good standing.
This is conditional love. Conditional on being in good standing with the Watchtower but completely absent when a mistake is made or when someone doesn't unquestionably follow every requirement of the Watchtower.
Where in the Bible does Christ even hint that our LOVE should be conditional? Jesus hated the sin but loved the sinner.
The Watchtower requires all JWs to blindly shun others when the WT determines they are to be shunned. Shun may be a word you don't agree with since JWs use the word 'Dissfellowship', but the outcome is the same and 'shun' better describes what occurs.
I said blindly as all JWs must immediately cease having anything to do with you when they learn you are disfellowshipped, even though they have no idea of what you have done or the circumstances of why you are in that state.
Although you may have since repented to God and now live an exemplary life and desire to be 'reinstated', you remain an outcast and continue to be shunned until the Watchtower, through the local elders declare you may again be accepted, however long that may take.
Jesus said that his followers would be identified by the love they show, ESPECIALLY amongst themselves. He said to love others, even our enemies but he recognized that we would of course show more love to those who we personally know and feel close to.
The Watchtower portrays the Elders as loving Spiritual Sheppard's. What loving Sheppard beats a sheep to near death for straying and then keeps that sheep separate from the rest of the flock as punishment? Isn't that equivalent to what they are doing to you and your husband?
Jesus used the illustration of the prodigal son. The son didn't have to beg and grovel for his father's acceptance, or even wait for some 'proving time' but his father immediately ran to love and accept him when he first saw him at a distance, not knowing if his son had repented or even why he had returned.
In Jesus' time, he was critical of the Pharisees, not for what they believed, but for the extra man-made requirements they were placing on everyone, supposedly to ensure acceptance to God. Were these extra requirements demanded by God or demanded by men that said they were speaking for God? Is this much different than what the Watchtower requires of others? The Elders will not show kindness, even if only to provide you with a Watchtower magazine nonetheless reinstate you without first being directed or approved to do so by the WTBTS.
Right now, you think that being reinstated will be the solution to your problems. Since everyone in the Congregation is only 'imperfect humans' there will be some that will forever hold your mistakes against you and may even make these mistakes known to others. True love does not keep a record of wrongs. 1 Corth 13: 4-8.
I'm sorry that you're both going through this situation but I hope that you'll both take this opportunity to research how this organization operates and its background on how it started and what it has taught as `truth` over its relatively short history.
Learn and educate yourselves. If this is truly Jehovah's organization, there is no harm in questioning and making sure yourself. Jehovah understands! If you then conclude that the JW religion is 'The Truth', you will be better JWs for having proven this for yourselves.