High Profile Case: Seeking Reinstatement

by headisspinning 113 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • GrandmaJones

    You poor dear child! You are beating yourself up with guilt and shame. Stop. Everyone makes mistakes, and we are all imperfect. Can you imagine Christ telling a repentant sinner, "Get back to me in a couple of years"?

    I am a born-in with five generations of family in, and I am well into my social security years. I am not disfellowshipped, but the mere fact that I can't go along with everything we (the WT) think and do would be enough to get me DF'd. Take your time. Don't be afraid to seek the friendship and shelter of those who will befriend you. You sound afraid of "apostacy" but you need not be. No one here will involve you in an unsolicited discussion of doctrine. Many of us are still in the organization, and I'd guess that most here are Christians.

    Good luck to you and your family in this terrible trial.

  • headisspinning

    Many thanks to all of you. The fact that you took the time to read what has happened to us and also have taken the time to respond means a whole lot. We feel so alone.

    GrandmaJones actually made me feel like crying.

    I don't agree with the comment about JWS lacking love 'amongst themselves'. I have felt that love when I was in good standing. But the thing I have issue with is how outsiders are treated. Whether it's 'worldlies' or 'disfellowshipped' or 'inactive' ones. That seems wrong to me.

    To an earlier comment about my putting the word 'apostacy' in quotes... I just didn't want to label anyone's beliefs as apostacy so the quotes indicated I was using the term loosely. I'm not doubting any of the doctrines or teachings... it's just how we have been treated that I have issue with.


  • yknot

    You aren't alone.....

    The ability to talk about things helps a lot!

    We all are a 'mixed bag' of beliefs here with the common experience of the WTS.

    Even if someone doesn't agree anymore with the current teachings of the WTS you will find that most are just interested in being supportive of yall as individuals and as a couple.....because all of us at one time or another felt 'alone' in some experience.

    As for people who are 'ugly' whether within the Org or not...... well my Mama always said you just smile and kill'em with kindness.

    You can't control others reactions but you certainly can chose your responses!

    So what type of 'studying' do yall do....(weekly, monthly, or as soon as they become available on JW.org?)

  • GLTirebiter
    My husband's kids have limited their association and communication with him but they said as soon as he is back, they want to be much bigger part of his life.

    That is emotional blackmail, not the natural affection of children for their parent. The way the WT Society teaches their members to treat those they disfellowship is reminiscent of the "Parental Alienation" that often follows a contentious divorce. The WT policies are using the children as a tool to control your husband and you. This is the behavior of a bitter, vengeful ex-spouse.

  • tec

    Hi and welcome, Headisspinning.

    First, I am so sorry for the anguish you and your husband are feeling. I'm glad you're both in therapy, especially considering your husband's past. The more I read about stories like yours, the more I see the difference between what the WTS teaches and what Christ teaches.

    You said about them:

    I have felt that love when I was in good standing.

    But Christ said: "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?"

    Christ also said: "By their fruits you will know them." But what fruit has the WTS shown you? (not while you're in good standing, because anyone can be good to those who are good to them) And not just the imperfect people, but also by what is written in the elder's manual concerning 'years and years' before you can be allowed back in or shown mercy?

    The prodigal son, the mercy, the forgiveness that Christ taught...

    I just don't know how they can even try to claim that they follow Christ, and yet, treat you and so many others with such utter lack of mercy and forgiveness.

    You and your husband are much better off following Christ, and Christ alone... He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

    Peace and strength to you and your family.


  • carla

    Do I have this correct? First you are sad and upset because the cong & family is basically treating you like crap and not talking to you because of your 'sins'. You are trying hard to be reinstated yet it is still not good enough and you want to bring a child up in this so called relgion? why? you want an innocent child to possibly suffer the pain you are feeling now? That is completely unconsciounable to me. Here you are 'suffering' and you take no thought of this child? What is wrong with jw's? I have never been a jw, my spouse joined up a number of years back and the damage done to our entire family is profound. Can you understand why I can't for the life of me see why you would willing subject your child to this horrible unloving cult?

    I know that sounds harsh but really, think of your child instead of your own feelings of hurt.

    As jw's how could you not know you would be treated with such love from the cong and family? Isn't that how you describe shunning? as love? Did you two think you were special in the cong/org somehow? You have never seen people shunned for much less than what you two did? There are people here on this site who were df'd for hair too long, wrong kind of ties, etc... and they were shunned and their families treat them as dead. Before you were shunned you would have gone along with it wholeheartedly and now it happens to you and what? it is wrong? I can only hope you learn from it and your child does not have to suffer for your fear of truth, truth can stand scrutiny. Ever wonder why the wt does not allow scrutiny, research, debate or independent thinking? Think about it.

    Sorry if that's harsh but that about sums up the situation.

  • GrandmaJones

    I am sure you are only trying to do what you think is best for you, your family, and your spirituality. It's hard to see the injustice that if happening to you when you are so consumed with misplaced guilt. Please don't think you deserved this.

    Part of the problem with disfellowshipping is what Ray Franz called the "disfellowshipped state", as in status. Once you are in a "disfellowshipped state" then it no longer matters whether you have gone on to repentence, moved forward with your life...you are in this "status" and the only way out from it is reinstatement. I know a sister whose 15 year old baptized daughter committed fornication, and was disfellowshipped. She had no interest in returning to "the truth" due to the shame and humiliation connected to it. It has now been twenty-two years, and she is grown, educated, married with children, and her mother, who is a friend of mine, hasn't been able to speak to her for these past twenty-two years. Unless ****** returns to "the truth" her mother will die without speaking to her again. There is no talking to my friend, I have tried, and she is doing what she thinks that Jehovah wants, that somehow this position the congregation is taking will move **** to repentence. Sad.

  • Incognito

    headisspinning said:

    I have felt that love when I was in good standing.

    This is conditional love. Conditional on being in good standing with the Watchtower but completely absent when a mistake is made or when someone doesn't unquestionably follow every requirement of the Watchtower.

    Where in the Bible does Christ even hint that our LOVE should be conditional? Jesus hated the sin but loved the sinner.

    The Watchtower requires all JWs to blindly shun others when the WT determines they are to be shunned. Shun may be a word you don't agree with since JWs use the word 'Dissfellowship', but the outcome is the same and 'shun' better describes what occurs.

    I said blindly as all JWs must immediately cease having anything to do with you when they learn you are disfellowshipped, even though they have no idea of what you have done or the circumstances of why you are in that state.

    Although you may have since repented to God and now live an exemplary life and desire to be 'reinstated', you remain an outcast and continue to be shunned until the Watchtower, through the local elders declare you may again be accepted, however long that may take.

    Jesus said that his followers would be identified by the love they show, ESPECIALLY amongst themselves. He said to love others, even our enemies but he recognized that we would of course show more love to those who we personally know and feel close to.

    The Watchtower portrays the Elders as loving Spiritual Sheppard's. What loving Sheppard beats a sheep to near death for straying and then keeps that sheep separate from the rest of the flock as punishment? Isn't that equivalent to what they are doing to you and your husband?

    Jesus used the illustration of the prodigal son. The son didn't have to beg and grovel for his father's acceptance, or even wait for some 'proving time' but his father immediately ran to love and accept him when he first saw him at a distance, not knowing if his son had repented or even why he had returned.

    In Jesus' time, he was critical of the Pharisees, not for what they believed, but for the extra man-made requirements they were placing on everyone, supposedly to ensure acceptance to God. Were these extra requirements demanded by God or demanded by men that said they were speaking for God? Is this much different than what the Watchtower requires of others? The Elders will not show kindness, even if only to provide you with a Watchtower magazine nonetheless reinstate you without first being directed or approved to do so by the WTBTS.

    Right now, you think that being reinstated will be the solution to your problems. Since everyone in the Congregation is only 'imperfect humans' there will be some that will forever hold your mistakes against you and may even make these mistakes known to others. True love does not keep a record of wrongs. 1 Corth 13: 4-8.

    I'm sorry that you're both going through this situation but I hope that you'll both take this opportunity to research how this organization operates and its background on how it started and what it has taught as `truth` over its relatively short history.

    Learn and educate yourselves. If this is truly Jehovah's organization, there is no harm in questioning and making sure yourself. Jehovah understands! If you then conclude that the JW religion is 'The Truth', you will be better JWs for having proven this for yourselves.

  • diamondiiz

    Apostate is anyone who leaves their former religion. WTS makes a big deal with this term and it's mostly relevant term to jws. You may not have problems with the belief system but you need to exam the teaching to know why wts teaches things they do and why they treat people the way they do. You can examin other cult groups and compare the shunning and the way they treat ex members. It is important as it's all tied to how you feel and the feelings you have. Christ of the bible never appeared to show this bitterness to sinners but tried to help them, he was a Jew and he talked to the Jewish "sinners" to help them repent and was said to come for the sinners and not for the righteous while wts doesn't help the so called "sinner" but they punish them and hope that by beating them down they humiliate the person enough that when they return they will have their tail between their legs and head down and never look into the eyes of their masters who ravage the flock. Examine the history and the teaching. Once you know who you're dealing with you will understand why wts does what they do.

  • carla

    Apostate is anyone who leaves their former religion.-- That include the founder of the jw's, Russell.

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