I still believe the Truth and I love Jehovah... I just dont' understand how the people can be so self-righteous, controlling and judgmental.
Because unfortunately, Witnesses are just as self-righteous, controlling and judgemental as the biblical Pharisees they love to bash. What you described of your own and your husbands' history is not uncommon nor is their reaction. 'Worldly' people who are victims of sexual abuse are encouraged to seek professional counselling to help them through the trauma. Since Witnesses are taught to view professional therapists and counsellors as being part of 'Satan's world', most Witnesses who have suffered sexual abuse in the past do not get the help they need. Plus, the elders are not trained to deal properly with victims of sexual abuse and therefore, they will generally offer no sympathy or support as you discovered. Instead, the focus was only on the 'adultery' and that's where it will remain.
The elder was right on one thing: It would probably be years before you would be reinstated and even then, you'll have people who will never speak to you again as long as you live. This happened in my old congregation several years ago. The PO left his wife for a younger pioneer sister who also left her husband and kids. They both got the Axe and I think it took something like 5 or 6 years before they got reinstated. He actually phoned me in the summer time (he needed my dad's phone number) and he told me that people he's known for 35 years still will not speak to him.
In a nutshell, Witnesses today do not, for the most part, practice the compassion, the love or the forgiveness that Jesus did. As you are the recipient of their judgemental non-Christian attitude.
I have no interest in 'apostasy'. I am just so upset.
Hmmm......You think the Pharisees viewed Jesus as an 'apostate'? You better believe they did. I would strongly advise that your husband get professional counselling to help him through the hell he's living through. You may also want to consider getting marriage counselling to help you both support each other since the congregation can't be bothered to.
Best of luck to you and I hope you come back on the board.