High Profile Case: Seeking Reinstatement

by headisspinning 113 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • flipper

    HEADISSPINNING- I'm very sorry you & your husband have been going through this awful experience and treatment. Please don't judge many of us - because we TOO have gone through similar mistreatments like YOU have gone through from family & elders. Something you need to ask yourself with blatant honesty : If elders are mistreating you and being unfair using biasse and prejudice views ( like the one elder who experienced his dad leaving him ) in coming to a decision to reinstate you & hubby or not - ask yourself " Are they really influenced by God's holy spirit to make decisions - or - are they influenced by their own attitudes and life experiences ? "

    I too was treated unjustly in late 2003 and I can assure you that personal opinions were what the elders used to counsel me. I even looked up information in the publications which DISAGREED with what they were telling me !! So many times they shoot off the hip and a person has to question whether holy spirit has ANYTHING to do with their decisions at all. I'm just trying to get you to think my friend. I hope for the best for you, your husband, and child - but allowing elders, ex-wives or ex-husbands to gossip and treat you disrespectfully in time will teach YOUR children it's alright to be disrespected.

    I've been where you are at , been divorced and had custody of my JW children while in a DFed state about 8 years ago when they were teenagers. My JW ex-wife did her best to badmouth me to my children , and even though I got reinstated- even 12 years AFTER the divorce she still manipulates my 23 & 22 yr.old JW daughters against me as an inactive witness ! I'm just telling you honestly, even though you may get reinstated- it's no guarantee people will treat you with respect. It will be conditional respect based on how many times you comment at meetings or how many hours you turn in timewise in service. Please think about it. I wish you and your husband and young baby the best- realize you don't HAVE to live with guilt & fear - it's a device that they WANT you to live with. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Incognito

    While she was on this site, she was treated with more love and respect then she'll ever receive at the Kingdom Hall and I think that will leave a very strong impression.

    I wish her well but I predict that at every meeting she attends from now on, she will have moments thinking of what she learned on this site. Since she specifically mentioned the 'conscience class' she'll begin to wonder who in her congregation is attending but going through the motions and doesn't actually believe.

    She'll try to forget what she learned and may be able to disregard it for a time, but she'll be back.

    You can't unlearn what you already know and you can't put toothpaste back into the tube.

  • 3dogs1husband


    Hi I dont know if you will read this or not, but anyways.....

    Car Wrecks....Try Life Wrecks. Okay Please Read Your Original Post! ......If you replaced the Elders with any other men who run any other religion...YOU WOULD BE HORRIFIED. There is a lot of crazy around here, as much crazy as the inside of any Kingdom Hall. But there is something that is beyond that.... it is the knowledge that we get it. We understand.

    This is LIFE you can be a JW, you can be a CC Member, you can be apostate, you can be christain, athiest whatever you want....That was the scarriest thought for me...options!!!. You have a life, you make choices. Hope to see you back...like the prodicial son we will have a party for you!

    They dealt swiftly and disfellowshipped both of us. I have no issue with that BUT...

    After all of that went down my family went mad. They started gossiping and slandering him in a way I have never encountered. Stories were circulating that he was into 'hookers' and that he was 'addicted to online porn and gambling'... my family went on a rampage to destroy his repuation.

    He tried to get a job and had to use brothers as a reference (since his whole career had been working with brothers)... well, let's just say he didn't get the job despite the fact that he had been an outstanding employee and helped his previous employers build their busines from the ground up. They were unable to keep the 'scandal' apart from his employment record and destroyed his chances of getting a job.

    Out of responsiblity, he gave his ex-wife their 4,500 square foot home, all the contents... EVERYTHING. She wouldn't even let him have his clothing or his Bible. On top of that, he pays her $1200 per month. She outright refused to give him a divorce unless he gave her FULL custody of the kids whom he loves dearly. They have been manipulated and brainwashed against him and it's just tragic.

    About two months ago we wrote a letter requestiong reinstatement. We got not response. We resubmitted and within about a week two fo the brothers from my committee arranged to meet with us.

    They came in and did not remove their coats. They glanced at the baby and mumbled some sort of acknowledgement but didn't even ask his name. They made it clear they had an agenda. They told us that it was 'too soon'. They did not want to hear any extra information. They told us that we were 'schemers' and that because of the new manual it could take 'years and years' for them to consider our request to be reinstated. They told us that preparing for the meetings was part of what was suggested. When I told them we were informed we could not have a study article of the WT, they kind of mumbled we could have one now according to the new manual. But apparently, that was still a stroke against us. On top of that, the brother leading the meeting said that his own father left their family and I guess his own personal experience was influencing his attitude. He made it very clear that he has already decided on his opinion and nothing we said would change that.

    We felt pretty horrible afterwards. My husband was sobbing and felt that he had ruined my life

    And Everyone On here KNOWS these to be Truths.

  • Nickolas

    Advice from a hardass atheist (don't be afraid, I won't bite you and I won't tell you your faith in God is wrong. That's completely up to you and your husband to decide.) I am also assuming you will be back. Pain is pain, and there is some relief here. Otherwise, this is just another sad case of the WTBTS ripping apart families.

    Assuming a light comes on for you and you perceive clearly for the first time that the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is not what it represents itself to be, you may wish to carefully consider your secular needs. I realise that this goes against the grain of Watchtower indoctrination (and from what I am reading in your posts both you and your husband are textbook examples), but this is all about your life and the lives of your husband and son. You need to think about your family first. Nothing in this world, or outside of it, is more important than your family. Nothing.

    You are getting some sound advice from intelligent people who know exactly what's happening to you and why. They stand to gain nothing by reaching out to you beyond the satisfaction of having helped a fellow human being. I guess that can be equated to a sort of spiritual satisfaction. Ultimately, all the good we can do in this life, all the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, render down to one thing and that is carrying one another.

    Rise up and free yourselves. You don't have to abandon God and Jesus in the process. Shake off these horrible shackles that have caused you nothing but anguish, fear and pain and start to live your life as the good and gentle people you are. It sounds like your husband needs some talk therapy to come to grips with the abuses in his past. They're done. Nothing he or you can do to reverse them, but they just don't matter. He was a victim, past tense, and it is up to him alone to stop being victimised by his own mind. Much harder to do than say, but once he realises that it really is up to him, he will be free from that, too.

    When you get yourself sorted out emotionally and psychologically, see a lawyer. Your husband gave up his material goods under considerable duress and still got nothing in return. Most lawyers will listen to you for half an hour without charge and then take on your case on contingency. Get back some of what legally and morally belongs to your husband, move away and start a new life.

  • flipper

    I wanted to bump this up so some may offer some help & advice to this lady - especially since many of us have experienced injustices before. Thanks, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    the injustice is what woke me up. When it comes down to it they will protect the "cause" way before YOU or anyone. It hurt a LOT when I realized this and to this day 2 1/2 years later it can break my heart. I thought they were about love? Please be strong and know there is life beyond this

  • zoiks

    I wish you, your husband, and your families all the best, Headisspinning.

  • SatoriCE

    Headisspinning - I hope you are still viewing this thread!

    My heart goes out to you and your husband. I wanted to approach your situation from a different angle. I am not, nor have I ever been part of the WTS. I have come to know the many layers of it through my involvement with my love who was raised in the WTS and has had much turmoil because of it. I can relate to you in the sense that the man I love was also sexually abused several times; the most horrific time by an elder who is still a Jehovah's Witness in good standing!

    Many people here have wonderful advice to give you, although I will have to disagree with a posting regarding adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The worst thing to say to a survivor is to tell him/her to move on since it was the past. A person who hasn't healed yet from such a horrible crime committed against them at an innocent age, still deals with PTSD, and is constantly having horrific flashbacks. To say to them that it was the past, they cannot do anything about it and to move on, is like telling many former witnesses to just move on, except worse with survivors. Many of the feelings that develop from sexual abuse, even more so with males, are: depression, anxiety, self hatred, self destructiveness, shame, guilt, powerlessness, helplessness, feelings of of being trapped, etc., just to name a few. Healing and gaining the self power that they lost, is a progression - it takes time, unconditional love, tons of support along with professional help.

    If you and your husband decide to go back, it's only a matter of time that your husband will emotionally collapse again due to the WTS adding more of these feelings to an already broken man. Please think about what these added feelings from the WTS may eventually lead him to. I understand your fear of it. but I highly encourage you to do the research on the organisation. All you will come across is overwhelming amounts of evidence. I say this as kindly as I can, if researching the actual evidence didn't hold any truth in it, no JW would be running away from it.

    Here are a few links most from an Oprah Winfrey show that took place recently. It revolves around 200 Men of Sexual Abuse coming forward and taking a courageous stand against the painful crime that was committed against them.

    Adult Men who were Melosted Come Forward - part one of the show (recommand for both you and and your husband): http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Full-Episode-200-Adult-Men-Who-Were-Molested-Come-Forward-Video

    How to Help Your Partner cope with Male Sexual Abuse: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/How-to-Help-Your-Partner-Cope-with-Male-Sexual-Abuse

    Supporters of Sexual Abuse Survivors:http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Supporters-of-Male-Sexual-Abuse-Survivors-Speak-Out-Video/topic/oprahshow

    Healing sexual abuse: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Sexual-Abuse-Survivors-First-Steps-Toward-Healing/1

    SNAP - Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (applies to any religious figure and if he was abused by one): http://www.snapnetwork.org/

    Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (this includes sexual and or physical): http://www.ascasupport.org/

    I fully inderstand the pain of loving someone who has gone through such tragedy. I hope that these links will come of some help to you and your loved one.

    May Peace, Love, Healing, and Warmth be with You and Your Husband.


  • lostsheep82

    Welcome and Good-Bye at the same time:)

    You are still looking at this thread, I know it:) You said:

    "But I am very turned off by what goes on here and after reading about the rise of the 'concious class' I want nothing to do with this site."

    "This site is addictive but after exploring what it has to offer over the past day or so, I just have a very negative impression. It's like a car accident - you're horrified but somehow it's hard to tear your eyes away..."

    This is common. When I first decided to go to as JW's say an 'apostate' site, I was scared. Lurked on here for a looong while, and was discusted also at many comments and the anger that people had and have towards the organization. I thought "these people were never really spiritually strong so their thoughts don't count". Then I read and lurked some more. I was looking to actually find help to PROVE it was the 'truth'. I was digging on the history of the religion and found this site. I admit, that some posters have very unuseful information. BUT there are so many of us who were like you. Born and raised, lived, ate, breathed the 'truth'.

    Right now you are sad because you are not accepted back, this is a very tough time for you! I was almost reinstated in the cong I was attending, and then had to suddenly move back home due to financial difficulty. My home congregation made me wait ANOTHER YEAR!!!! Another full year, just to set an example in the congregation even though I returned to the organization in another congregation. It was a very trying time to say the least. I felt-why can't Jehovah see all my efforts, why do I have to prove myself to the congregation?

    All I'm saying, is that we all have similar stories. It was my attempt and burning desire to PROVE it WAS the truth, that made me start going WHAT THE HECK? The things that your average JW don't know, or are blinded by astounded me. My heart literally broke in two when I read about the things that go on in the organization. The history of the religion, the fact that 1914 was based on Pyramidology. I denied what I found as just 'apostate' and 'satan trying to lure me in'. But what I found was beyond belief. I prayed and cried to Jehovah, asking WHY , Why isn't this the truth?

    I know your issue is not with doctrine and you didn't come to this site to be preached to about doctrine and how faulty the organization is...so that isn't what I will push. Although I will encourage you to still view this car crash, because I truly with an honest heart, feel you need to examine WHY it is the truth, WHY you want to come back to what you think is Jehovah's organization. I know it's a natural thing for a lot who get DF'd, to just come right on back, but please for your own sanity, look into-just a little bit-the background of the religion. Where it started. There are some current elders on this site, former elders, former bethalites on this site, and they are genuine and helpful.

    In the reasoning book we use to always point out the point where it says for others to 'examine their religion' and yet JW's are not allowed. Right there, should tell you something:)

    I truly wish you all the best in the future, and please send our love to your husband, as he seems to be going through a lot. Take care, and my prayers will be with you tonight!


  • Farkel

    :I still believe the Truth and I love Jehovah... I just dont' understand how the people can be so self-righteous, controlling and judgmental.

    You can't? Connect the dots, then.

    Your story, as utterly tragic as it is, is also so commonplace among JWs who have left, that it is the norm, rather than the exception. By far.

    As I said, connect the dots.


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