High Profile Case: Seeking Reinstatement

by headisspinning 113 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  Hoffnung

  Hello Headisspinning,

  It is not a nice thing to learn 1st hand what the dark side of the org is. Your story brings up alot of sadness and pain. And I am afraid you will have to endure a lot more of that before you reach your goal of reinstatement. If your case really has this amount of notorioty, then indeed it is going to take at least 2 years before you will be accepted back in. From the organizations side, you are on your own. And they will make you feel like you are worth nothing. But that is not true.

  You and your hubby are people Jesus died for. Jehovah is still there, and so is Jesus. They will not as easily forget all the efforts in his service as the organization. The connection wit them is not lost, and as the bible repeatedly states, Jesus is your direct representative with God. Use that. Jesus would not approve of immoral conduct, but he would not reject the person for it. The bible is full of stories of people who did a lot worse than you, and were afterwards friends of God. You have the people on this board as well. If you want to be reinstated, that is fine. You want your family and friends back, you need it for yourself, or whatever. As the mix of people on this board is very colorful, some will encourage you to leave the org for what it is. These people have very good reasons for doing so, but if that is not what you want, just ignore their comments. There are others on this board who will give you good advice that helps you in the direction you want to go.

  Everybody messes up one time or another in life. When you do, you need help to get back on your feet. Sadly enough it is the organizations policy that right on that moment, your difficult life will be made even more difficult. What is the logic in that? It is indeed ironic that now you have to turn for help to the people you considered "enemies" or "worldlings". but you will not regret that. You will find help with some issues here, and you will help with other issues on other places. Keep on sharing your feelings here, there are lots of us who were where you are now, and will understand what you are going through. If your hubby was abused, report it to the proper authorities. There is no word strong enough to express the necessity that the people who commited these crimes have to be stopped. Your hubby might benefit in contacting www.silentlambs.org.

  Don't loose your hope. Use the opportunity to do what you did not have the time for when you were still in: real bible study.

  Best Regards,

  Hoffnung
• 

  nelly136

  only you can know why you'd want to subject yourself to this kind of torture and bring anothe generation into the same, when really it sounds like you have enough to deal with trying to heal yourselves

  **because of the new manual it could take 'years and years' for them to consider our request to be reinstated.**

  i knew someone who as an elder was df'd for over 7 years and the 'new elders manual' wasnt in print back then,

  what joy he must have felt not missing a meeting and sitting at the back of the hall all that time being regarded as the nasty smell that wouldnt go away in spite of their best efforts to try and drive him out. i got the impression the only reason he was reinstated in the end was more the fact that he managed to stick it out so long and it started causing murmurings of why? in the end.

  if theyve told you its going to be years, then years it will be. (and i doubt the book has much to with it as much as whether your face fits and other politics going on)

  good luck
• 

  jwfacts

  Welcome and thank you for sharing your experience. You are in a difficult place, since you do believe it is God's organisation. It is situations like yours that tend to wake people up to the reality of it all, and see it for what it is, just another religion controlled by men.
• 

  FloridaPerry

  "I still believe the Truth"

  This, in a nutshell, is the problem.
• 

  Heaven

  Headisspinning, welcome!

  Congratulations on your baby! Something wonderful to hold onto.

  I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. It is a very tough road to go down. Many have experienced the complete lack of love in this organization that you and your hubby are currently dealing with when suddenly they no longer fit the WTS ideal, their mold, of what one should be. Please try to hold onto each other, for in the end, that is all that really matters.

  The WTS demands perfection from imperfect people. They are ill-prepared to deal with real people and their problems.

  I don't understand how they don't care when it's one of their own... you know?

  Well, the simple and unfortunate answer here is that you are in a cult.

  They treat people this way because they have no time to truly deal with real problems and have decided you are no longer "acceptable" material to be one of "God's Chosen". Their solution is always to dispose of any issues to "keep the organization clean". Notice the loaded language? A sign of a cult.

  They have lost the true meaning of love and of what Christ's message and examples were all about. They are Jehovans.

  The only advice I can give you is to continue seeking counselling and start thinking about your life and what you want it to be. You are human beings which means you have some needs that must be met:

  1) Physical: To Live

  2) Emotional: To Love

  3) Mental: To Learn

  4) Spiritual: To Leave a Legacy.

  How are you going to fulfill these? Do you have a personal mission statement?

  For me, reading Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "First Things First" helped immensely. I have had to fight my whole life with the fear and the judgmental behaviour instilled in me as a child by this religion.

  We are the architects of our lives. We are all creative beings. If we let someone else design and create our lives for us, we will never be happy. So start thinking about how you wish to design and create your own life.
• 

  Ding

  Dear HeadisSpinning,

  You are at a real crossroads in your lives.

  Since you are willing to post on this website, may I suggest that you read Ray Franz's book Crisis of Conscience as well before you continue your quest for reinstatement.

  Read the New Testament without Watchtower literature and see how biblical Christianity differs from the religion the Governing Body has created.

  Ray Franz himself never gave up his faith in God or the Bible, but he came to the conclusion that the Society was way off base and usurped Jesus' rightful role in the life of Jehovah's Witnesses.

  Look at how you and your family have been treated by this legalistic organization.

  This isn't a coincidence; all legalistic organizations operate this way.

  Please think long and hard before you pursue your quest for reinstatement.

  Please don't jump from the frying pan back into the fire.
• 

  zombie dub

  Sorry to hear of your problems, I can only hope you will open your eyes and realise that what has happened is actually a positive which has set you free from a man-made cult so you can get on with your live without being enslaved to a storybook and live a happy life in the real world with (what sounds like) your soul-mate husband. x
• 

  shepherd

  You still believe it is the truth and you don't want to think about 'apostate' stuff. I understand...what you want is to be back in good standing with the congregation, with God and with your friends and family.

  Unfortunately that can never happen.

  Even if you are reinstated, you will still be badly treated by many and there will always be gossip behind your back. You have already experienced it, and it is not going to stop just because you get reinstated. The fact is, it will 'take years' to get reinstated because they don't want you back.

  Please compare this with the parable of the prodigal son and this scripture:

  'By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another'. John 13:35

  Ask yourselves honestly if there is love there - if you realize that there is not, then you can already know that it is not the 'truth' after all. You cannot reason that this is just that they are imperfect but the organisation is good...the scripture specifically says the disciples would have love for one another.

  And once you start to realize that this is not the 'truth' at all, then lots of other things will become clearer too.

  Good luck to you both. I really hope for the sake of your child that you come to realize that all this religion will do is bring you both pain, and ultimately it could ruin the life of your child too. No true religion should be like that, and that's not me saying so, it's in your bible.
• 

  chickpea

  welcome aboard

  i volunteered as a moderator for
  3+ years on a public forum for
  adult survivors of childhood
  sexual abuse (CSA) so i know
  your husband is in incredible pain
  and you, as some one who loves
  him, are also suffering deeply....

  i hope his therapist will help him
  and eventually you, to see that
  returning to a cultish situation
  will not bring the healing he so
  deserately needs....

  your description of the debacle
  of a job search being sabotaged
  by the hate-filled response to his
  current circumstance reveals that
  you are being held hostage...
  because as faithful drones in the
  hive, you built your whole social
  network with people who would,
  (and have) turn on you at the behest
  of a cult....

  the actual realization that some of
  your circumstances are directly
  related to the cult is going to be
  crushing, so if you can get some
  therapeutic support, find others
  in your locale who have survived
  an exit, then you will be ok in the
  long run....

  congrats on making a family in
  the face of such horrific circumstances...
  dig deep and stand your ground!

  amy~
• 

  zoiks

  Hi Headisspinning, and welcome!

  I am so sorry for what you and your husband have been through. (of course, it's terrible what his ex-wife and children have been through as well)

  The terrible gossip and slander, as well as your treatment by the elders, are all too common. On this board you will find scores of individuals who experienced similar unloving treatment.

  Where you go from here is, of course, your decision. It's one that you and your husband should make together, without giving in to outside pressure. I would strongly recommend, however, that you take a bit of time to heal. If you are not going to be reinstated for several years, then use those years to build on your relationship with each other, to take care of one another's emotional needs, to address the issues that led to your husband's breakdown, and to slow down enough to really enjoy your new baby. Those are things that you won't regret later on.

  I hear you when you say you don't want to be involved in apostasy. Still, I would recommend really, truly looking into matters regarding the Truth. Give yourselves permission to be truly certain that reinstatement is the best course for yourselves and your child. I well know the pain of being cut off from loved ones and the shock of hearing the awful stories being spread by family and friends, though I am simply inactive. I have also seen people go through situations similar to yours, and the terrible stigma that remained attached to them for years after their reinstatement.

  Before you volunteer yourselves for more abuse at the hands of those who claim to display true love for one another, please realize that you've already been through more than anyone should have to go through.

  I wish you the best in whatever course you take.