Stayed up all night, see it is a cult now. (page 5)

gutted

upnorth, I am 26.

Yes at present time I think fadding will be best, I'm not a go out with a bang kinda guy. For now I am going to stop commenting and I think I will withdraw from the ministry school soon. I am not a ministerial servant.

Thoughts?

AudeSapere

Oh!! Boy! Do I rememember those sleepless nights when I first googled 'Jehovah's witnesses'?!!! Three days and nights in a row. I even missed some work.

A few suggestions while you let your brain calm down:

Breathe. Deep breath. Hold it. Slowly exhale - completely. REPEAT. REPEAT again.

Go for a long walk.

Consider not talking to anyone about what you've learned and have been thinking. It may force you to make decisions (or face permanent consequences) that you are not ready to make. As days and weeks go on, you may find that you wished you had kept quiet and considered other options that you are not aware of right now. Unfortunately, with JWs, once you say or do something that goes contrary to the party line (or if you express anything sounding remotely 'apostate' you are permanently on people's radar and that will just force your hand too early in your 'awakening'.

Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and Combatting Mind Control by Steve Hassan are GREAT books for you to get.

Start looking for ways to get out of some meetings. (Headache, overtime at work, take a class, feign depression.) Consider missing some but not all meetings and be a little evasive when you are asked 'why'. Start getting involved in other activities so you can start filling up your time and hopefully meet other people so you will have social options. Taking a class is also a good way to fill some time and meet other people.

Walking will help alleviate some stress and let you process your thoughts.

You will be so glad you found the truth about the 'truth' now.

Again, Welcome to JWN! We're glad you found us; and even gladder that you decided to post your experience.

-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)

cantleave

I started to exit just after the memorial last year - I gave the memorial talk in March resigned as an elder in November, reduced the number of meeting to about 2 a month before stepping down and haven't stepped inside the KH since the end of February, probably will never enter one again.

I found the slow fade stressful, just not attending is so much cleaner.

upnorth

Move far enough away, or farther, that driving is not convenient.

The confusion will lessen when the input you don't want to hear stops.

BabaYaga

Hello and welcome!

"Gutted" is a very appropriate name for the way you're feeling now... I remember that feeling. You won't always feel that way.

You just have to trust us on this. It gets much, much better, and everything gets much, much easier. Don't panic. Give yourself a lot of attention, and a lot of room to grow (and question!)

You will realize that the pain of being lied to dissapates, and you'll soon be okay with not having all the answers. You'll just revel in the wonder and possibility of questions alone.

Hang in there. Keep reading. Keep posting.

Love,
Baba.

snowbird

Welcome, Gutted.

Sylvia

Nathan Natas

Hi Gutted,

I was about your age when I realized I needed to get free. You are lucky (that forbidden word!) that you have seen the light now when so much of your life is still ahead of you.

You mentioned how easily the scales fell from your eyes, but I would urge you to remember the "five stages of grief: 1. Denial and Isolation, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression and 5. Acceptance.

Don't be surprised if some of these "ghosts" come to visit you from time to time, or come and go, then come back and go again and so on; the process is not as linear as the list makes it seem. So while you feel OK now, you might find next week that you break into a cold sweat and think of ARMAGEDDON when you hear the sound of distant thunder. That's just the way the mind works, and programmed memes die hard.

But the DO die, eventually. It is especially helpful to find yourself a good ANTI-THEOCRATIC activity to give you the satisfaction of REVENGE for what was taken from you and for the LIES you were told. I'm not talking about criminal activity, but legal expressions of your experience and opinion that will make it more difficult for the Watchtower to fool the guy who comes down the road after you.

Expressing yourself here is part of that approved ANTI-THEOCRATIC activity. Thinking for yourself and furthering your education are also good.

Don't be in a big hurry to join the next circus that comes to town, even if it boasts a 900-foot-tall Jesus.

The XJW world is full of "same circus, different tent" syndrome.

Best wishes to you.

OnTheWayOut

I have only read the opening post, not any of the awesome responses yet. But let me say, someone has probably suggested you read two books by Steve Hassan, COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS. They were such great helps to me. Others might have suggested Ray Franz's CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and his later book, IN SEARCH OF CHRISTIAN FREEDOM. Also great helps.

It is wonderful that you came out still young. Some have come out later and were still thrilled to have a life of sorts beyond the Watchtower. Regardless of the relationships you could have had, you can have some new ones now. Everyone misses out on some things for various reasons, so it should only be viewed as something you had to deal with and press forward.

Otherwise, welcome to the forum. Also try jwfacts.com.

awildflower

P.S I just want to warn you that the vast majority of people on this board are atheist so after they finish love bombing you they'll start their normal routine of bible bashing and trying to convert you into an atheist. They like to take advantage of people like you who just found out the watchtower is false and try to use that to convince you the Bible is false.

That's just a horrible thing to say and completely not true

Welcome gutted. Your at a great age to be doing this now and it sounds like you'll have some support from your family. You will find a lot of great people here that are optimistic and encouraging and the love is unconditional. Just because people have their own "beliefs" doesn't mean they wont be your friend. I wish you the best in this journey!

palmtree67

P.S I just want to warn you that the vast majority of people on this board are atheist so after they finish love bombing you they'll start their normal routine of bible bashing and trying to convert you into an atheist. They like to take advantage of people like you who just found out the watchtower is false and try to use that to convince you the Bible is false.

This has NOT been my experience on the board. I've been here over a year and no one has converted me to atheism. Like you, I'm not sure what I believe right now. I feel like I've had the rug pulled out from under me - everything I thought was true and right, I discovered is not.

Welcome, I'm sure you will find being here as helpful and comforting as I have!

palmtree

Stayed up all night, see it is a cult now.

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