Stayed up all night, see it is a cult now.

by gutted 122 Replies latest jw experiences

  • poopsiecakes
    poopsiecakes nailed it on the head, gutted - it IS truly amazing how a lifetime of belief falls apart so easily. Breathe, get some sleep and make a plan. Everyone here is behind you 100%.

  • Darth plaugeis
    Darth plaugeis

    Welcome Gutted.

    You will find alot of experiences you on this board that you thought you alone saw or went though. And don't be afraid to ask questions,you will get many different responses, some intelligent, some silly, some that will get you scratching your head. They will never be onesided I can promise you that and in that it will be a nice change from what you are used to.

  • sweet pea
    sweet pea

    Sounds like your mum might be relieved that you have opened up to her about your doubts. It's horrible not being tell those close to you how you really feel. Maybe you can suggest to her that you explore your doubts together via a thorough bible study . . . see 'Open Mind's' posts for how he got his family out of the org.

    Your mum is right - there are many organisations/regimes that are similar to the WTS - it's human nature to repress it seems. Watch the film 'The Lives of Others' and you will see striking resemblances to being a JW. Read George Orwell's Animal Farm, you will read it with different eyes now and it will strike a chord. Another interesting book with this in mind is "The Orwellian World of Jehovah's Witnesses". So many books, so little time . . .

  • ldrnomo


    It got easier for me as time has gone by 3 years now. Some family still in but people I thought were friends were only conditional.

    One thing to realize is the fact that you have given your soul to the Watchtower Society, or more accuratly they have taken your soul. Now you are taking it back and you aren't sure what's next. Go slow, don't make any big decisions just allow the fact to sink in that you alone are in charge of your life. You can make good decisions and you can make bad decisions that's the way it is. If you learn from the bad ones and enjoy the good ones you are living a real life. Try not to feel the fear of everlasting destruction. No where in the Bible does it say that if you are not a Jehovah's Witness you will be destroyed. You won't be destroyed if you don't go to meetings, You won't be destroyed if you don't go out in field service, you won't be destroyed if you watch an R rated movie etc. etc.

    Of course I don't know this for sure but I am betting on it with my life now and any future prospects I may have of life. But I will also add the fact that no man knows for sure what will happen.

    Live your life, be a good person, do what you can for others. If there isn't anything else at your end at least you will leave a legacy for others to learn from.

    The trip is worth the hassle


  • gutted

    Thanks again guys!

    Sweet pea & ldrnomo, what you have stated really has struck a chord with me.

    To be completely honest, I am now feeling liberated mentally. Perhaps as stated being young, and honestly having let "wordly" influences affect me, such as psychology and phylosophy, this all fits into my thinking of rational thought. I feel happy. I suppose the main struggle as you have all pointed out is the fading away.

    I will read Crisis of Conscience quickly.

  • upnorth


    You have not stated how old you are so I'll say this with out that knowledge.

    I was 17 years old when I left home. The only reason I left was to get away from the WBATS. I knew in my heart that something was wrong but I had no idea what it was. It was several years later before I began to understand what a cult was.

    In hind sight I wish I'd joined a branch of the military as a means to get away and learn something, I tossed the idea around then and really wish I'd joined the Coast Guard. (I really like the ocean).

    What I'm getting to is, if you were to take that step you'd be in a completely new environment, you have zero chance of being harassed by any zealots and you'd have a few years to deprogram and gain some confidence.

    I realize you have been told all your life that that the military is part of the evil of this's not.

    You mentioned relationships you may have missed out on, they worst one you've missed is the one with yourself, until you are free of "The Borg" you don't exist. That is who'll you'll find when you leave.

  • mindmelda

    LOL...studying psychology and philosophy did me in with the Witnesses too, it was the beginning of cognitive dissonance for me in a big way.

    While you're at it, read a few good books on anthropology too, I recommend Jared Diamond's "The Third Chimpanzee" and "Why is Sex So Much Fun?". Also, read "The Power of Myth" by Joseph'll discover how much of many things people believe are founded in myth and how that fulfills many basic psychological needs.

    Those will all put the last few nails in that old WTS teachings coffin for you.

  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Gutted,

    Glad to see that you found comfort in knowing your mom has doubts herself...but be cautious. My husband told his mother too...and she turned out being the one to completely expose us...then the "apostate" label came, from everyone she had told that we had questions.

    Your mother may be very different...and I pray she is. But if she thinks you need spritual encouragement to get "strong" again..she may very well go to the elders to try and "help" you. If this does happen...don't let the elder on to your true feelings. Just let them pray with you...let them know they have helped you and you now feel reinvigorated for the "truth"...

    If they ask you this famous question: "Do you believe this is God's spirit annoined organization"...BEWARE.....say "YES...Of COURSE I DO!!" This is the question they ask right before they decide to give you the axe or play their game...your acting skills will come into play..

    Anyhow...thought I would mention it for what its worth..remember: to be forwarned is to be forarmed....


    Lady Liberty

  • WuzLovesDubs

    Welcome Gutted BIIIIIIG hug babe.

    The very very first thing I would say to you is DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DISCUSS YOUR FEELINGS WITH ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE JEHOVAHS WITNESSES. Not a STUDY not a JW not a RELATIVE who has JW family...NOBODY no "FRIENDS" (because they are NOT your friends). They CANNOT be trusted and will turn you in so fast your head will spin 360 like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. I cant emphasize that enough. A JW who is trying to fade and not be found out is like a Jew in Nazi Germany. Its not the JWs fault and they will do it to protect THEMSELVES but if its them or will be thrown under the bus. Keep ALL your comments to this web site or if you must talk, talk to someone you know is totally far removed from the cult or a professional who will keep your confidence. There are NO secrets they will not narc you out to the elders for. Anything you say CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL be used against you in a Judicial Committee Meeting. So DONT SPEAK and DONT WRITE it to anyone either like on Facebook or in emails or texts.

    They have convinced you there is nothing out "there" and all is evil out "there" and Jehovah is going to destroy everyone who sets foot out "there" like telling a kid to stay in bed or the monster under it will EAT him. Its all fear and intimidation that keeps people in that cult. Trapped, emotionally extorted, in fear of losing their families.

    Crisis of Conscience and Freeminds and also David Reeds books...pulled me out of the cult. You are young, you have plenty of time in your life to undo the damage. To free your mind of their propaganda and replace it with your own spiritual journey and get your questions answered as you go. You can find new relationships, find love, find yourself not defined by a group of men in Brooklyn who have no families and NO life and couldnt care less about you.

    Welcome to the board. Take one day at a time. If you can, I have found that becoming "emo" and slowly removing yourself from them and missing meetings here and there is a good start. If you are old enough to go see a doctor alone, go see one and explain to them how depressed you are and even get medication for it (which you can take or not take) but it will show that you seriously have some kind of process going on if they bug you. They will no doubt tell you that all you need is more prayer, more study, more meetings, more service time to fix whatever ails you. When in reality it is all of THAT which causes the depression in the first place. :)



  • 5thGeneration
    5thGeneration don't have to "throw the baby out with the bath water" either. Many after leaving the organization have been so hurt and are so angry they completely dismiss God and Jesus. Many though are able to preserve that relationship with them. However, each must make up their own mind.

    I agree!

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