Stayed up all night, see it is a cult now.

by gutted 122 Replies latest jw experiences

  • gutted

    Greetings all,

    I really needed to find a place to write this as I don't believe I can talk with anyone else about my account, perhaps it is similar to a lot of yours.

    Last night for whatever reason I said I would go online and look up information on JWs. I have been raised as a JW all my life and baptized the last few years. I looked at and and couldn't believe how easily the whole of my lifes teachings were refuted.

    I can't stop my brain from running, BS just in regards to theology alone (1914, paradise earth, celebrations etc.) and then organization structure and tools such as fear and hatred being used. I knew in the last year or so there were things I really didn't like, without even going online and seeing them, the sometimes odd hateful comments form others in regards to worldy people which some I really like, the intense psychological pressure I feel to do better and better yet feeling at the same time like a complete failure in theocratic duties.

    I'm scared guys, I'm not sure where to go from here. I know as far as my personality I will never be an outright denouncer of this religion but I want to leave. I need to preserve the relationships of my mom, dad and siblings because I am weak emotional and need that support. Honestly, I could care less about my friends except one, who funny enough me and him joke around about "the truth" sometimes. Can you please point me to some more sources on doing things like that?

    I was contimplating just coasting, but I feel disgusted as at what I've learned. Todays meeting will be very uncomfortable.

    I think the main thing that stands out right now is love... the completely conditional love of this organization, the fact that being a young man I am still single and know I have missed out on meaningful relationships.

    Please I need some reassurance.

    Thank you in advance,


  • flipper

    GUTTED- I feel for you my friend. You are among people who care unconditionally for you here. I too was raised in Jehovah's Witnesses from birth - exited at age 44 over 6 years ago. It is challenging as you state- I have most of my family inside the witnesses still. Some respect my stand, some don't. Take a deep breath , hold it, now exhale.

    It's really great you are researching information outside the witness think tank or WT society's publications. One book- " Crisis of Conscience " will REALLY help you to understand what goes on behind the scenes inside Bethel- and how the organization is ACTUALLY run behind the scenes of the governing body. Written by an informed former member Ray Franz. That book really helped me a lot to understand why I was having doubts as well.

    Do you have ANY family or extended relatives who are NOT Jehovah's Witnesses ? Do you have ANY friends who are NOT Jehovah's Witnesses ? You will need some support from those who have not been under the " cult mind control " influence to give you a fuller, more objective view of what you are going though. You need emotional support.

    Since you are realizing the witnesses are a " cult " I highly encourage you to read Steve Hassan's " Combatting Cult Mind Control " & his " Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think for Themselves " . These 2 books and " Crisis of Conscience " helped me IMMENSELY after I stopped attending meetings in 2003. It assists a person to understand HOW we were mind controlled, and HOW the WT society was able to pull it off over us . It describes the methods all mind control cults, i.e. Scientologists, Mormons, etc . use to control us. The 2 legs ALL cults walk on to control their members is " guilt " & " fear " .

    Many of us here understand what you are going through . I will PM you my wife and my phone number if you'd like to talk soon. Hang in there buddy , we understand, help is on the way. Lots of good people here ! Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

    Since you have come to realize

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Ok…. Take a breath…. Just breathe…..

    I know how you feel – been there, done that. Been faded from the org for over 10 years now, so….

    Don’t do anything too hasty. DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE.

    You need time to take all this in. Read, read, read and then read some more. I suggest you start with Ray Franz’s “Crisis of Conscience” to get the real history on the org and its doctrines.

    You will probably want to fade, that is, not get yourself disfellowshipped or disassociate yourself, so that you maintain contact with your parents so you need to take things slowly and carefully.

    Go to the meeting, act normal, but DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE until you know in your heart and mind how you are going to exit the JWs successfully.

    I understand how traumatic discovering all this can be, so that is why I stress to you that you take it one thing at a time and not make any hasty decisions.

    Read the thousands of threads here on exiting the JWs, and how to deal with your family and friends. You have people here to support you!!

  • AwSnap

    That's I was reading Gutted's testimonial, I kept thinking "he needs to get in touch with Flipper"...and Flipper was the next one to comment! Gutted, you're not alone. There are many wonderful people on this board. Keep reading and searching.

  • White Dove
    White Dove



    Yes, I went through this, too. I was born in and it was all I knew. Learning the real truth about "the truth" was shocking but a relief, as well.

    The books that Mr. Flipper mentioned are the first ones you need to read. Like Broken Promises said, "DON'T TELL ANYONE ANYTHING!" Fading slowly and methodically can preserve the family bond without you getting disfellowshipped or disassociated.

    You need to read everything you can about the Watchtower Society included on this board and those other sites mentioned. Once you've read a bit on how others successfully faded, you will need to come up with your own plan that works for you.

    Like so many of us here, you may go through the 5 stages of grief and it can take a while to work through them as they present in your life and recovery from this cult. Take it slowly so it will be a successful fade with your family and your sanity intact.

    It might take a while, so be patient with yourself and others. It does get easier, so please hang in there

  • cantleave

    Gutted - you sound like me Just over a year ago. Once you realize it is a cult you have to make some decisions as to to how you proceed. If you have family in, you may have to fade, if so how fast. You can write a letter of disassociation and break free totally.

    If you haven't already done so, do some reading - Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian freedom by Ray franz are gem as Stephen Hassan's books on cults.

    whatever you decide to do, the next steps will be interesting, stick around and let us know what happens.

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    Gutted is a good name, that's how I felt too.

    Please understand that virtually everyone here knows what you are going through.

    Welcome and please stick around, it's a big, big world outside the tiny JW terrarium.

    You've opened your eyes, now it's time to look around and explore.

    Fasten your seatbelt, it's going to be a bumpy ride......

  • poor places
    poor places

    Hey gutted,

    I feel your pain; I'm in a very similar situation right now. You asked where you can go from here, and that's the tricky part that I haven't figured out yet. One question, though: is there anyone you can talk to about your "discoveries?" I've found a couple of people within the organization who share my views, and talking to these people can be a necessary release. What about your parents? Are they reasonable or fanatical witnesses? If they're reasonable, they're the first ones I would talk to. What about that friend you mentioned? Do you trust him or her enough to talk about this stuff?

  • not a captive
    not a captive

    toAbsolutely give yourself some space. Don't let anyone crowd you. This is your baby so have it however feels best to you.

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    Gutted........welcome to the board.

    The choice is yours my friend, the blue pill or the red pill?

    Think About It

Share this