I have a serious problem

by My Name is of No Consequence 107 Replies latest jw experiences

  • worf


    This is Worf. Your story is very interesting to me because during my fade from the watchtower, I went through a similar situation as you are going through. I was married also to a regular pioneer for 14 years. We had no children but I was also an elder for the entire decade of the 90's. Elder and regular pioneer wife. During my fade the congregation elders turned her against me. She had even gone to the elders and told them I was reading "apostate" books and looking at apostate websites. I came home one day and she was gone. The next time I saw her was 3 years later in divorce court.

    Your situation is different because you have a son and your love for your son. I would be furious in your situation. As someone on this thread advised you earlier: GET AN ATTORNEY! DO NOT LET THAT SO -CALLED BROTHER SPEND ANY TIME WITH YOUR SON.

    Its a power game. They love having the influence and power over others. They believe they have carte blanche because of supposedly being god's people. DO NOT LET THEM. Strike now. get an attorney and either sue or have some legal papers drawn up that prohibit him from being with your son. Use the watchtower pedophile problem as something you are concerned about if necessary, but see an attorney and have something legal to threaten that so-called brother and the elders and/or congregation with. As someone said earlier, they are trying to do an end run around you. Remember, they love drama. Especially in "the name of Jehovah". For your situation right now: "The best defense is a good offense." GO ON THE OFFENSE NOW! In hindsight when I look back on my situation which was 15 years ago, I would have gone to an attorney when my intuition first sparked me and I would have used that against the elder body or any individual who was influencing the injustice I went through So take the advice of all who have posted here and go on the offense in some way. They are trying to keep you upset to the point where you will be so upset that you are stifled. Take action now. Something. Believe me. I know. I won out in the end, but it could have been sooner if I had not underestimated them. You can still shock them now and win out now. If you take action. Now. Feel free to contact me through this forum by e-mail. I recognize their tactics from reading your story.



  • OnTheWayOut

    I fully agree with millie210 on page 2. I want to add that you tell the elders to tell this brother that your wife can do the study with the child. And tell the elders that because the brother has avoided you and arranged the auto, you totally cannot trust him, and they should suggest he keeps his distance from your wife.

    while the child may not like some of this, better to get it over with. It really is not necessary for him to like anything JW-related anyway.

  • OnTheWayOut
    I want to add that you say you don't want to be an a-hole. I would do anything I had to do if I had a son about to be dragged into that religion including getting kicked out for speaking against the religion to him. If I were to help him, I would also have to offer positive alternatives to the lies of JW'S and fun alternatives to meetings.
  • Boeing Stratofortress
    Boeing Stratofortress

    What he said. I'd try to get a letter with the letterhead of a well known law office, such as the Zalkin firm. Or Rick Simons. Both firms are making names for themselves in the area of JW pedophile lawsuits. I believe that if the elders were to call the Watchtower legal dept with either of those names (Zalkin/Simons), as they would probably be required to do according to their BOE letters, that there would be a nervous pause, followed by..."uh, just comply with the demands of the letter." That's my two cents. Anyone else wanna chime in on that strategy?

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    I don't know you "MNIONC" and I can only draw conclusions based on what information you have provided. The fact that this situation has gotten this far out of control, coupled with the statements you made about your wife's authority over you and the "system being stacked against you", leads me to believe that your family dynamics has been askew for quite some time. I don't think this happened overnight. It seems like you see yourself as a victim rather than as one half of an equal marriage .

    You have as much right as a Father to have a say in your Son's religious upbringing as your wife does. Jehovah's Witnesses think they call all the shots and are above the law of the land in these matters and are used to carrying on as such. You as a former Witness, are also used to allowing them to have control over you. Being freshly out, you probably have some residual brainwashing left over. You are behaving as if you've done something wrong or should be ashamed of yourself. This is often how former Witnesses behave at first.

    I would find out PRONTO what my exact legal rights as a Father are in this situation and exercise them to the fullest. Once I had my ducks in a row and completely understood where I stood legally, I'd let this "brother" know in person, calmly and in no uncertain terms, that he'd better back off. Don't ask your wife for permission...in fact don't even tell her you're going to do it. Did she ask your permission when she hired this interloper into your family affairs?

    Just Go ! If he refuses to talk, notify him via registered letter from yourself or from your Attorney, that he'd better stay clear of your Son or be prepared to face legal consequences if he doesn't. I can't imagine my wife ever granting me "permission" to do something or telling me that I'm "not allowed" to speak to someone unless she say's so. Doubly so when it comes to supervising my own child. Nor would I ever do that to her. I can't imagine how you could have written that sentence about her not permitting you to talk to that "brother", and not seen the entire basis of of this problem, but maybe I've got the wrong take on the whole thing.

    In any event, I feel for you and I'm glad you presented your situation here. It's going to take some quiet strategy on your part, to turn this around to the point that you are on equal footing in this matter. Depending upon how all of this goes down, your wife may have a newfound respect for you in the end.

  • worf


    I agree with you.


  • Boeing Stratofortress
    Boeing Stratofortress

    Also...this book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It helped me tremendously in similar (not quite as critical) situation with my JW wife. Had I not changed my paradigm in dealing with my wife, then I'm sure it WOULD have gotten to a critical stage, whereas now it's like a 'no fly' zone-- she starts $&@#ing with me and I promptly shoot it down. Again, that book. Also, another one called "Hold on to Your N.U.T.S." is supposed to be good, though I haven't read it.

  • Splash
    If you speak with any elder, make sure you take a second along to witness it, and record it all.
  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    Thank you all for the suggestions. I certainly don't see myself as a victim. I don't think like that. I'm just not sure how to handle the situation. I'm having a hard time believing that this brother is purposely striping my authority and dignity outside of my home as well as inside. But all evidence points to the contrary.

    I texted this brother last night and said that we need to talk THIS WEEK. He texted that he would get back to me. We'll see what happens.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    If you know where he lives go there, no need to give him notice, he will fob you off permanently otherwise as he knows what is coming.

    leaving it up to him to contact you about it means he never will. Put it in writing if needs be and slip it in his door if no one answers, you could even txt it to him, but face to face is the preferred method for this type of thing.

    Do not wait, delay, hope he will contact you. Grab this situation by the balls.

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