I have a serious problem

by My Name is of No Consequence 107 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Pistoff


    Since you cannot be sure that who this brother is who is studying with your son, insist that they not be alone together, ever.

    This family has done your son a 'favor' by helping them get a car; this is undue influence, and while it probably isn't, it could be the beginning of grooming behavior to get your wife and son to feel kindly toward the brother.

    (I am speaking from personal experience; a man, not a witness, weaseled his way into our family this way.)

    I am not kidding; you can't know who this person is, and the elders may not know either, since the WT allows those who have abused a child to be used in positions of responsibility as long as the congregation doesn't know.

  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    @ steve2:

    You are correct. My relationship with my wife is not the best at this time and I partly blame the so-called "organization" for that. I have not been out in field service for several years. I have not commented in several years. I quit the TMS a month ago and everyone is aware.

    I wish I had that "someone" to talk to; I just have this forum.

  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    @ Pistoff:

    I know who this brother is and my family loves him and they can't understand why I feel differently.

  • millie210

    Hi My Name Is,

    You asked if you have some merit in this situation.

    The answer is yes. The point at which that became a solid reality is when you asked to speak with him and he did not comply.

    Is there an elder you respect on the body? If so call him. Be very specific as there is a lot to the story that only serves to dilute the point.

    1) Tell him that legally no one can instruct your son or have him alone in their home without your permission.

    2) Tell him that as a courtesy you are speaking to him and giving the congregation a chance to handle the matter first and if they cannot then you will.

    3) GIve a time frame in which you expect this to be settled (perhaps before the next scheduled study?)

    4) Reiterate that this could have been prevented if the brother had applied the principle in Matthew and spoken with you when you requested it.

    Be sure to be courteous and calm when you speak to the elder. Begin with your end in mind.

    If there is no elder you respect then go straight to the COBE.

    I personally wouldnt bring up meeting attendance or being on the school as one thing has nothing to do with the other (except in their world).

    Wishing you well - you are valid in how you are feeling and it is better to address it now.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    They are not respecting you, your family, or your "headship."

    It also sounds like you are putting all the onus and action on their side, by saying to your wife that they need to come talk to you. Perhaps it is time for you to talk to them first, armed with some legal advice & theocratic warfare, ha.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    He will be baptised before you know it, so why are you even allowing this "study" to go on with your son?

    You need to go see this elder or whatever he is and tell him to back off, you need to do this when you are calm and in control and it needs to be asap.

  • freemindfade
    My Name is of No Consequence
    my wife and I had a strained relationship before when I was going through the metamorphosis of my fade. Eventually this passed and our relationship was better than ever. Then i had this blow out with my family, now things are painfully strained between us again. She wants to support me but they are all talking behind my back, I have seen some of the things they have said to her and much of it is outright lies. For instance someone said "I mentioned an apostate website to my brother AND encouraged him to visit it" that is a bold faced lie! from my own family! They have said i am hiding things from her, she (my pioneer wife) has come to my defense using scriptures and telling them to please lighten up, and they take that as an insult then bombard her with what an awful apostate I am. More than anything else in my fade, this experience has been the most eye opening as far as what a twisted cult this is. I didn't think anything could give me more evidence than I had, but they did. They have infected my relationship with my wife with defamation of me, lies and distrust.
  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    I will say this:

    The brother told me that he is handling some personal matters and will speak with me as soon as they are resolved. I respected that. He still has time to spend with my boy, yet he does not have 20 minutes to speak to me?

  • Oubliette

    You need to tell this individual in no uncertain terms that he is NOT to have any further communication with your son. None. Do this immediately.

    Inform your wife of your decision as head of the house.

    If any of them even hesitate for an instant to respect your clearly stated direction on this matter, remind them that you are the God appointed head of the house and if any of them disobey you, disrespect you and do anything to circumvent your stated directions the consequences will be immediate and severe.

    Say this calmly and firmly. Do not accept any response other than, "Yes, I understand."

  • Ghiagirl
    Your wife should respect you and if she isn't going to you need to make it a point to talk to that brother. My husband however he is disfellowshipped, he has a son with his ex wife who is a jw, his family is always contacting the mother or finding time to see his son only when he is with his mother. Which really pisses off my husband because that is his son regardless of disfellowshipping people need to respect you if they want a relationship with your child. You have a right to feel upset as my husband does, it is your son and this brother and your wife needs to respect that.

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