I have a serious problem

by My Name is of No Consequence 107 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Mad Irishman
    Mad Irishman

    You are the head of the household. Bring this up to another elder. You're also probably feeling needlessly under the microscope. Plenty of brothers step down from the TMS and/or miss a few meetings. Maybe some judgmental dummy might think something, but not everyone.

    Talk to another elder and tell them you don't feel comfortable not being in the loop and about decisions being made without your knowledge. It's not scriptural to do that.

  • fastJehu
    My Name is of No Consequence

    Maybe your wife is thinking, that she now lives in a "religiously divided home" (*** w89 11/1 p. 20 par. 12 Do Not Yoke Yourselves With Unbelievers ***)

    Maybe she don't accept YOUR headship in "spiritual and congregation things" BUT still accept your headship in all other matters.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    My Name is of No Consequence - the Elder's "relationship" with your wife and the business dealings with the car - behind your back - are ringing alarm bells, and the whole situation should be laid before the CoBE to be dealt with!

    If your son is a minor, you have every legal right to stop any other adult "tutoring" your child in any subject. Do it now. Your wife and the Elder are treating you like a doormat, and are removing any authority and respect you have in your own home.

    Time to take appropriate action, and end this before it ends you!

  • cappytan

    I would also think that since your son is old enough to think for himself, you should lay some TTATT on him. Wife won't let you talk to him alone? E-mail him. No e-mail? Print something out and leave it in his room for him to find.

    Start with something small and that appeals to a young person like the thing about Job's family celebrating Birthdays and how the Society deliberately covered it up in the 2013 revision of the NWT.

    PM me if you want the specifics of this.

  • out4good4

    how is it that she does not "allow" a father to talk to his son alone......

    What is she, a helicopter mom hovering around him every minute of every day?

  • Oubliette

    MNIONC: Let me ask you something: Have you ever been in this situation?

    Not exactly, but similar enough.

    I handled it poorly and lost my sons. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Absolutely reaffirm appropriate boundaries. It's that important.

    You might enjoy this thread: Relationship Issues: Boundaries, Freedom of Choice and Codependency

  • Oubliette

    Also, you have a chance to set an example for your son. You realized that something you used to believe is wrong. Now you're taking a stand.

    He is watching you. Fuck what some "brother" in the KH thinks. This guy doesn't respect you. You have no reason to treat him with anything but measured disdain.

  • cultBgone

    MyName...nothing is more important than your son and his future. Please don't take a backseat by saying "they are controlling the situation". Your son certainly notices when you don't stand up to protect him, and if you allow another man to take charge (and it is your choice)...your son will respect the other man instead of you.

    It really is your choice to decide how this plays out.

  • gone for good
    gone for good

    This is HUGE - this power play is for the highest, rarest, most sought after stakes a dub can claim - a Baptism !!

    The gloves are off, principles will be deflected, rules ignored, loyalties broken - the cult wants your boy and you my friend, are going to be thrown under the bus. It's time to burn bridges or get crushed.

    Getting crushed is the cults way of shutting you up and having a chance to replace a liability with someone young and foolish...oh how they love naive youth.

    You're already on their shIt list as a possible fader = (apostate) -possibly the reason your wife wants to be ever present - so you don't disuade the boy from the cults branding at which she will be centre stage.

    ANY statement you make to the elder involved will be the first witness to your apostacy. A second elder will for certain stick his nose into this business and he will be the second witness to any little thing you drop that can be construed as apostasy - you could be DF'd and under a bus by next week. Then you have NO SAY AT ALL -silence of the lambs..

    However- this could be the time to exercise your legal right to religious freedom -(something they are totally un- prepared for). You have already successfully abandoned service, tm school, commenting at meetings and the public declaration of field service. If you have a lawyer write a letter informing them that you have exercised your right to religious freedom then you are immune from eccleciastic discipline from the elders, they cannot form a judicial commitee, nor can they disfellowship nor disassociate you.

    You will be shunned of course - but you are expecting that anyway, right?

    Since you could not be subjected to disciplinary action (because you had repudiated their control with that letter), you control your actions , not them. If your son sees how these hyenas react to personal religious freedoms of ordinary people like his own father , he is less likely to place himself under the cults control.

    You might research a man named Norman Hancock who won a sizeable settlement from the Mormon church for interfereing with his abandoning that similar faith.

    Good luck in any decision you make. Please keep us informed, your's is an interesting situation indeed.

  • gone for good
    gone for good

    By the Way ... Important warning

    the current Elders secret manual makes the legal claim, that a person who meets with a committee is ''...thus acknowledging the authority of the congregation.''

    Speak with a lawyer about a letter before you speak with any elders.

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