I have a serious problem

by My Name is of No Consequence 107 Replies latest jw experiences

  • flipper

    I agree with others good suggestions here and handle this like - right now. Or as soon as possible. Your wife IS disrespecting you because she feels you aren't being the alleged " spiritual head " of the family - so she disrespectfully gets some other guy in the congregation to study with your son. That's ridiculous. First off I think you need to explain to your wife that SHE is in the wrong not respecting you by keeping you out of the loop. Then go tell the " brother " studying with your child that you don't respect him for going behind your back- then go to the elders telling them that you and your wife will handle any " teaching " of info to your son.

    Bottom line like Outlaw said and you need to keep this firmly in your mind - these people ARE trying to break your family up. You've been conditioned by WT mind control to think it's to " help " or " assist " your son- the only thing it's going to assist is implanting thoughts into your son's head that YOU his dad are evil and his MOM is considered " righteous " by WT standards- so you lose by default. They try to cut you off from your son. It's time to cowboy up and take the reins on this horse and seize control of the situation or they will kick you off of the horse. Kind of how I see it. Good luck, we are here for you, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Oubliette
    Lisa Rose nailed it!
  • Giordano

    Amongst the good advice....... ignore the call to arms.......... like bitch slapping this joker. No point in getting locked up for assault. No text message or email as well..........if they can be used against you. No need to DF either .......bad advice as your son will be 18 and if baptised and he moves out he will be encouraged to shun you. A nice fade will do just fine so you can maintain your relationship.

    After you talk to your son and find out how he feels about all of this accompany your son when it's his bible study time and knock on the door together. If the brother doesn't open it you can explain by demonstration that the man is a coward hiding behind his religious beliefs. If the guy does answer the door tell the brother you are here for your chat and ask your son to wait in the car.

    You might mention casually to your son that Jesus waited until he was 30 before he was baptized so contrary to what he's been taught he has plenty of time to make that kind of decision.

    After you settle this interference issue you are going to need to straighten out your wife to the degree about what your mutual obligations are towards your son.

    If you want him to be less involved in the JW stuff and more involved in school, and with supervised after school activities, sports etc. (assuming once again he has an interest in these matters). You need to be clear about those things as well, and finally, this is really important, higher education be it a two year community college or a four year school. Or more. If he's not interested in that route then he needs to apprentice and learn a good trade.

    Take if from all of us who wasted those years pioneering or in Bethel service earning 37 cents an hour back in the day. It is not a meaningful pursuit if indeed being an unpaid volunteer for a publishing business ever was.

  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    I want to tell this elder that I do not want him studying with my son period. But I fear that that the blowback will be severe. My son wants to study with him and my wife is all in as well. Really, all relationships in my house have been strained and if I stop this study completely, it will get worse. She even said that his study would not be stopped even if some other brother is studying with him.

    How am I supposed to get around that? I am not ready to disassociate myself nor am I ready to get disfellowshipped. I still have a lot of family that are still "in" and I am just keeping up appearances at this point. It is going to be hell either way.

    I did not want to mention this, but he is my stepson. I have been his father for over half of his life. his mother would have more legal rights then me and she knows that. If I got disfellowshipped, I will probably have no legal standing to stop his study.

  • hoser

    The watchtower is one sick dysfunctional family. There are no such thing as personal boundaries in the watchtower religion.

    Perhaps the elders are behind this brother interfering in your family. He is over stepping his boundary and you are letting him. I am not criticizing you for letting this happen because this is watchtower "normal". Until now this was normal to you. It is NOT normal behaviour.

    You have the scriptural right to be the head if your house and call the shots. This bozo is trying to be the head of YOUR family.

    My advice to you is find a watchtower article about proper headship and scriptures to back it up and tell this guy to buzz off.

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    Also I have to add that this does indeed look like grooming as with a pedophile grooming. I do not mean to be an alarmist but the hall I was in had three child molesters in it and one of them did just what this guy is doing with your son. This pedophile would pick a child and study with him, buddy up etc. He did it was single mom's but be careful very careful. The elders all knew it and did nothing. In fact one of the pedophiles even had a sleep over at his home and one of the elders let his grandson go. The pedophile raped a girl so I guess they felt he was OK to be around boys?

    Just a word to the wise.


  • OnTheWayOut

    Relationships in your home are strained anyway. You fear it will get worse. Buddy, it's getting worse already- the boy is going to be a full JW just like his mother, and the both of them will disrespect you further. The step-father aspect means nothing in the JW world, only in a court if she were to divorce you. You are the head of the household- PERIOD.

    If she left you, she could take her son. But in your house, the JW's see you as the head. Use that headship or prepare for more of the same walking-all-over-you.

    If you help the boy to learn the truth about Jehovah's Witnesses, maybe his not becoming one could help his mother see the truth about them. MAYBE, and maybe not. But trying to hold back leads to them usurping your headship and going around your back and making the boy into a JW and that gives his mother even more reasons to stay active the rest of her life.

  • Pubsinger
    Sorry Fella but if he is your step son I'm afraid you're not gonna win this. And I fear for your marriage. That detail changes everything.
  • out4good4
    MNIONC: I texted this brother last night and said that we need to talk THIS WEEK. He texted that he would get back to me. We'll see what happens.

    Agreed with Oub.....

    This guy is just putting you off and laying claim to the superior position by making you wait for him.....probably for a time when it would be convenient for him to have another brother around so that they can tag team you with WT bullshit. He's wearing you down....making you play the waiting game because as long as you do and are willing to wait he can extract more concessions out of you.

    The son being your step son does put you in a somewhat sensitive and somewhat emasculating position even though you've been father to the boy for most of his life. Its a disheartening thing to see.

    From the looks of it, it doesn't matter what you do, there is going to be considerable and significant blowback. You seem to be waiting for the right time and sequence of things to do.......in the meantime you're losing sleep and worrying yourself sick over the way you are being treated. As Dr. Phil would say...."Hows that working out for you?"

    You probably need to take some kind.....any kind of concrete action if not for your son or your wife's sake, but for your own and fiure out a way once and for all to put this behind you.

    "if it's going down, let's get it over with".

  • gone for good
    gone for good

    MNIONC -

    You ARE going to be shunned. The bullies don't like you because faders make them look ridiculous, and looking powerful and important is everything to cultists. So your future is already determined.

    If you finalize your fade by actually Leaving the cult with a properly threatening preemptive letter - then you can't be legally disfellowshipped or disassacociated by them - your letter has already renounced their ecclesial authority upon you.

    You are now able as a free person of the general community at large to approach the congregation with your concerns and demands regarding their interference in your private, personal family issues.

    For the first time in your life, you can answer every stupid, loaded, leading, insinuating, incriminating question with complete honesty - because they are now powerless to affect your life.

    Every fader needs to prepare for the moment when it becomes necessary to jump off the fence and land on the side of the legal freedoms you seek - otherwise they just calmly draw a bead and shoot you off with the DF/DA shun-gun - because you willfully hung around as a cultist under their ecclesial authority too long.

    The personal dynamics of being thrown out in disgrace and proudly walking out in disgust are astounding -a point lost on all the helpless minions among us who think ' you get shunned either way so it doesn't matter' .

    Courage begets courage, and admiration, and inspiration. Human rights are won by courageous individuals who took a personal stand or supported those who acted against slavery, segregation, discrimination and coercion throughout free society - we can be free from cult coercion, the laws are already in place, we need only have the courage to exercise our own free will and LEAVE, ABANDON, REPUDIATE, RECLAIM the freedom we were born with.

    I believe this is the essence of the term '' grow a pair '' so often bandied about here. So far I haven't heard a single episode of someone actuallyhaving the convictions and courage to do it.

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