I'm a Pioneer Married To a Wonderful Brother Reaching Out to be an MS...

by cognac 216 Replies latest jw experiences

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  AnnOMaly

  WELCOME cognac

  I'm another one who's 'been there.'

  I can only echo what others have said here. Don't panic. Take it slow. Yes, you're in for a bumpy ride and you'll probably go through an array of emotions ranging from depression to rage to elation along the way.

  Another suggestion: Back to basics - pick a different quality translation of the Bible (I like the NJB) and read through the Christian Greek Scriptures again, letting them speak to you. It'll be like reading a brand new book - there'll be so much you will have previously missed that may help give you a different perspective on what the Bible 'really teaches.'

  'Crisis of Conscience' has already been recommended - it is a must-read when you feel ready (Ray Franz is another one who's gone through what you're going through), but since it is the #1 'apostate' book, you'd have to ensure none of your JW family knew.

  Wishing you all the best.
• 

  cognac

  kool aid man06

  Were you in the Tewksbury hall by any chance?
• 

  jelcat8224

  welcome cognac!

  I understand the feeling that your whole world is crashing in. I remember feeling that. When everything started to fall apart and I began to see the flaws in everything, I then began to fall apart. I even went through a period when I thought that if I could just ignore all of my questions for a little while and focus on 'doing jehovah's will', that I would then be able to come back to those issues and see that I was certainly making too much of things. Thankfully though, I did not step back. Who knows where I would have been if I had simply put my blinders back on because it was easier? Having questions is nothing to worry about, it makes you human, but when there are NO answers to your questions time and time again, that is when one must begin to worry. I myself have not left entirely as of yet. I am inactive and slowly trying to open the eyes of my family.

  It is not an easy journey but the end result is so worth it. Stick around here and you will learn things that you would have never imagined. I know I have. When I came here, I had already made my decision, but the people and experiences on this board continue to help and strengthen me. I wish you all the best and truly hope you find what you need.

  jelcat
• 

  cognac

  babygirl75 -

  I would stop right now but I just started and got kind of in an argument with the elders to let me (they made me wait because they didn't think I'd be able to do it) and it would be like me telling them they were right but they weren't. I don't want to for other reasons. My husband kind of told him off and got him into a bit of trouble over the whole thing so for me to step down now would be like me saying he was right and my husband was wrong. There is no way I'm doing that with the way my husband got involved with the whole thing.
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  flipper

  COGNAC- Welcome to JWD ! I was raised in the organization 44 years- got out 4 years ago ! I empathize deeply with what you are going through , as does everyone else here empathize with you as well ! You will find lots of caring people here to encourage you in your " learning " journey. You do have a " good heart" and a sense of justice, because you are questioning things you find unfair . So you are a good decent person- give yourself the credit that you deserve . It is the organization that makes you feel unworthy or not good " enough". God doesn't look at you that way.
  
  So, like some said, take your time , educate yourself on this site . You will learn a lot of things you need to be informed about that the Jehovah's Witnesses are not telling you. I understand the need to perhaps fade slowly as, I too have family who are witnesses, and I am careful what I say to them. But, please be kind to yourself emotionally, it sounds like too many people are putting big loads of responsibility on your shoulders, and with you working full time , it may cause you unnecessary stress which may in time be too much for you to bear. So- learn how to say no to some in the Kingdom Hall. You can only cut yourself into 20 pieces, right ? LOL! Get my point ? Do the things that are most important, make a living, be with your loving husband , just don't let witnesses guilt you into anything , or suck the life out of you . My wife and I care, been there done that take care.
• 

  nomoreguilt

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WELCOME CONAC)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  The arc of salvation continues to list..................................

  NMG
• 

  cognac

  I don't even know how to thank everyone for all your support... I really appreciate it.
• 

  jwfacts

  Welcome. You have a very sad story, and all too common. At least most of us here have been through the same, and can assure you that you will get through it. You will definitely go through a couple of very tough years, so stick around for support.

  do my own online little business and pioneer

  That is a good excuse to stop pioneering, you physically cannot cope, so will have to step down. You will be put through guilt trips etc, but just ignore it.

  I still wonder if I'm not seeing something that seems so clear to other people... I wonder if Jehovah doesn't love me and that's why I don't understand these things, because he's not openning my heart to understand it. What if he's not openning my heart because I don't have the right heart condition. But, why can't other witnesses ever give an answer if it's so clear to them even if it's just me who doesn't understand it?

  Your reasoning is how the Watchtower indoctrinates you to feel. An important part of mind control is the use of fear and guilt. Look at http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/mindcontrol.htm as it will show you how cults manipulate peoples thinking, and the emotions normally felt on leaving. Now that you are examining things you will quickly see through the falsehoods of the Watchtower, and soon will find it hard to believe you ever fell for it.

  jwfacts.com discusses in detail all the topics you raised in your opening post. The reason that none of the JWs can give you acceptable answers is because there are none.

  What is normal is for a person researching the Wathctower Society to be amazed by what they are learning, and want to tell everyone - before understanding the power of mind control religions. Rather then having others grateful for the information you share with them, you will just make a lot of enemies. The thing I most worry about for you is your husband. If he supports you, you will be able to leave and move on, if he supports the religion over you then things will be very difficult. If recommend doing a lot more research. It is key that you subtly approach him over time, rather than confronting him.
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  dawg

  You'll be glad you stopped in here... almost all of us know some of what you feel.

  It really amaized me when I started finding out the truth, and after 17 years it still hurts...but only because of my family that remain blinded... and just so you'll know, I'm a full fleged "apostate", I made the error of questioning the GB right off. Even though there's absolutely no scriptual reasons that I should be shunned, they still do so under the directives of the GB.

  So, be careful where you point that thing, just because you are becoming enlightened that doesn't mean you family and friends won't shun the living hell out of you if you openly express doubts.
• 

  sweet pea

  Welcome Cognac, good to have you here. Another one with a brain of their own, not fully controlled by the Borg. :-)
  
  You are at the start of a journey that will be rocky. Things will get worse before they get better.
  
  I was where you are now back in April and it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since.
  
  When I first started to realise there was something wrong I spent 3 days on www.jwfacts.com and JWD and the whole thing came crashing down. I had been 100pc committed, raised from birth, auxilliary pioneered, and had many deep friendships. I had no idea what would happen when I started telling people about what I had found out.
  
  Overnight my closest friends turned against me and the elders, friends and family (hubby's, not mine) conspired to get us disfellowshipped, which happened in August. Just for making a stand doctrinally.
  
  I almost had a nervous breakdown. My initial reaction was to get involved with another church and attend an Alpha Course but I no longer attend as I do not believe in organised religion of any sort. If there is a God (which I am not sure of anymore but feel ok about that now), then I believe he/it loves me and has a plan none of us know the half of!! Seeing as it doesn't make sense why he hasn't done anything about the suffering, allowing me to be in a cult, etc, etc). The bible has lost all credibility with me now and I am finally happy just being me, a normal(ish) member of the human race - it's the most wonderful thing to ever happen.
  
  So my advice to you - stop pioneering - do your research - take time for everything to sink in and to experience all the emotions that you are bound to experience - try and hook up with a decent counsellor who specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy - arrange some cool, fun things with your hubby and get making babies (we have two little ones and I can't tell you how exciting it is to know that they are going to be brought up to be free thinkers, not isolated from their peers, able to celebrate the holidays, the list goes on. Previously, I was dreading bringing them up as JW's - how sad is that?).
  
  If you ever want to talk on the phone - we're here for you.
  
  Oh, and has been said already - DON'T TALK TO ANYONE OTHER THAN YOUR HUBBY (and us of course). No one else will be able to handle it and you may regret it. You may think you're different and that people will give you the benefit of the doubt, like I did, but this is not the case. Things you say will grow arms and legs and turn into a monster before you know it. This happened to us.