I'm a Pioneer Married To a Wonderful Brother Reaching Out to be an MS... (page 4)

Odrade

I would add to the "painful trip" that it all has been worth it. I would not under any circumstances, choose to go back and remain ignorant.

I was thinking about fading but there is no way I could in the hall that I'm at. They ask me to do things all the time, i.e last minute talks, demos, they need personal help with things, etc, etc... I keep telling them I'm a bit overwhelmed just let me get my life a little more settled because I work full-time, do my own online little business and pioneer (In the process of cutting back). It's just to much when all these people are pulling me in different directions and keep adding tons of things for me to do to easily get away with fading...

Also, there still are so many questions that I have to get sorted out in my mind... I just keep requestioning myself on the same things because I keep second guessing if there is something I'm missing...

I still wonder if I'm not seeing something that seems so clear to other people... I wonder if Jehovah doesn't love me and that's why I don't understand these things, because he's not openning my heart to understand it. What if he's not openning my heart because I don't have the right heart condition. But, why can't other witnesses ever give an answer if it's so clear to them even if it's just me who doesn't understand it?

cognac

Btw, I've been so upset about this.

Outlaw, I almost fell over laughing at your post... THANKS!!! I needed that...

chickpea

bless your heart, mate..... i can only imagine the heartbreak you feel

as others have suggested, definitely develop a strategy! take your time and be as cautious as a serpent ( matt 10:16 ) as you are well aware you have much at stake

you remarked in your thread your husband said you arent likely to >>>

find something else that teaches some of the correct main doctrines like Jehovah's name, etc...

maybe it would help both of you to understand that, generally, no "doctrines" are accepted as correct outside the confines of the body that adheres to them, so it isnt like there is a "correct" doctrine to find (Doctrine: That which is held to be true by any person, sect, or school; especially, in religion, a tenet, or body of tenets www.innvista.com/culture/religion/diction.htm)

yours will not be the first, or last, life and faith built upon ruins....

godspeed you

c/p

kool aid man06

Welcome to the board Cognac! You will find many very nice people here who really do understand the way you feel. Take it slow but do some research on your own and you will find the answers to many of your questions and doubts. Check out some of the websites suggested such as freeminds as well as others. Here is a great site that may help you--www.sixscreensofthewatchtower.com Best wishes and keep us informed

Younglove1999

I still wonder if I'm not seeing something that seems so clear to other people... I wonder if Jehovah doesn't love me and that's why I don't understand these things, because he's not openning my heart to understand it. What if he's not openning my heart because I don't have the right heart condition. But, why can't other witnesses ever give an answer if it's so clear to them even if it's just me who doesn't understand it?

It's not clear to others. They're 'waiting' on JH, or they've come up with their own interpretations that make sense to them and help them sleep at night. Those weren't good for me- it didn't make sense to me. I don't think Jehovah would make us torture ourselves like this to understand him.

One of my JW friends admited to me that I finally seem happy and not depressed after so many years of anxiety and admitted that leaving was right for me to do. I then asked her why her happiness with the organization meant she got to live forever and why, according to the JW's, my happiness meant I was going to die? Why would Jehovah do that to me? She couldn't answer that for me.

((hugs)) when my husband and I finally admitted to ourselves the truth behind what we were feeling, we were scared out of our minds- I thought we'd be going to meetings for a long time before we got brave enough to leave- within a month ,we stopped going to meetings and never looked back- we didn't expect things to move so fast, but they did-

Gopher

I wonder if Jehovah doesn't love me and that's why I don't understand these things, because he's not openning my heart to understand it. What if he's not openning my heart because I don't have the right heart condition. But, why can't other witnesses ever give an answer if it's so clear to them even if it's just me who doesn't understand it?

Frankly, the JW leadership thrives on the confusion of its members. They will teach doctrines that don't sound quite right, causing "cognitive dissonance". It's a technique I'd never heard of while still a JW. If you look it up, you may find it fascinating how the WTS uses this.

One example is -- you're expected to believe that Christ is the Mediator for only the 144,000. Since you were probably not of "the anointed", that means in JW-land you didn't have Christ as a mediator, but only benefited because you associated with the anointed ones. So... Why would you end prayers "in the name of Jesus" if he isn't your Mediator too? Kind of curious, isn't it? It's cognitive dissonance.

There are many more examples, and that confusion is why other Witnesses are unable to give clear answers to important questions. There's just a few stock answers in the Reasoning book, and beyond that you're kind of on your own.

So it's not about Jehovah not opening your heart. It's about the organization causing confusion.

dogisgod

Big warm welcome. It is so heartbreaking to go thru this. It is a divorce/dissolution/disillusion. You've studied yourself across the great divide. You're not losing everything...you are waking up to life.

JK666

cognac,

I remember the unsettling, angry feelings that you have explained. For me it was finding out about the Watchtower affiliation with the United Nations as an NGO. I knew that they were liars at that point, and it made me question EVERYTHING that I believed. You will get through this unsettling time, and come out much better for it.

Welcome to JWD!

JK

babygirl75

I am planning on stopping pioneering in August

Why not quit pioneering now? It seems like you are too overwhelmed with all that you have going on right now with full-time job, online business, family, and pioneering. If you cut down on things it may give you a chance to think straight and be able to make the best choice for you right now, as far as fading, or disassociating yourself. It just seems you are adding stress upon stress...

Best wishes to you...

I'm a Pioneer Married To a Wonderful Brother Reaching Out to be an MS...

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