Human Sexuality 101 Introduction
This is a very important subject. The decisions and choices you make in the coming years will have consequences for the rest of your life, and the rest of your children's life, and their children's, and... you get the point. I know you probably don't feel comfortable talking about these things with your folks, but because this is such a confusing and important subject, we need to forget about that and talk like adults.
We need you to understand what is going on inside of you, and why. Don't believe anything I tell you, but remember it. And compare it to what you see. These conclusions are primarily inductive, so compare them to what you see. Again don't take my word for it, ask some adults what they think.
Fact 1: As a person you are divided between the "body you" and the "brain you".
The "body you" tells you things like (say these in a dumb-guy voice and you get the idea) "cake good, EAT!" or "dark scary, YELL MOMMY!". The "brain you" gets those messages and says things like, "Cake is good, but if we eat to much we will become unhealthy", or "Yes the dark is scary, but everything is ok, we don't need to scream."
As you can see, the "body you" has important things for you to know, but the "brain you" needs to be in control because it knows more. "Body you" is very smart about a few, simple things. You have to give credit where credit is due. But "brain you" knows more about all the other things. If the "body you" is left completely in charge, you can make some awful mistakes.
It is therefore important that you understand the "body you", so you know when and why it is speaking to you. That way the "brain you" is always in charge. This is how you want it because "body you" is kind of a moron.
Fact 2: All living things have two primary desires: To stay alive, and to have offspring.
This is a basic, defining biological fact. These two desires are the basis for almost all our bodies other desires. These two desires are "body us" ‘s area of genius. Our desire to eat certain food is rooted in "body us" ‘s desire to stay alive. Our desire to stay warm/cool is rooted in "body us" ‘s desire to stay alive. Our desire to interact, impress, and become popular with the opposite sex is rooted ultimately in "body us" ‘s desire to procreate.
Of course "brain you" doesn’t think, "I want to talk to that cute boy because I want to procreate", but "body you" is! It is always there, sending you powerful messages that influence your thoughts and actions, and I am sorry to say that "body you" is kind of a moron.
Fact 3: Survival of the Fittest
This is another biological fact. If a critter does not have the qualities it needs to survive in a certain environment, that critter will die. If that critter dies they do not have offspring. If they do not have offspring, the do not make more like them who do not have the qualities necessary for survival.
On the other hand, only those with the qualities necessary for survival do have offspring. This powerful method that nature uses to "select" who lives or dies, ensures the survival of any species.
This is why "body us" is attracted to people who are smart, athletic, and strong-minded. These are traits that our children will need to survive. Since one of "body us" ‘s primary desires is to have offspring, we want our children to have the best chance at survival. See how smart your body is!
Fact 4: Men and Women’s bodies tell them different thingsMen and women are different biologically, so it is reasonable to expect that they would have different messages from their bodies.
The key to understanding what motivates people sexually is to keep in mind fact 3. Men and women are predisposed, their bodies tell them, to behave in a way that will make it as likely as possible that their physical traits are passed on.
Fact 5: Men are simple
The best way for a man to ensure that his physical traits will be passed on, that his offspring will survive, is to impregnate as many women as possible, as often as possible. Therefore, the simple fact is that men’s bodies tell them to have sex with as many women as possible.
This is a disturbing fact for many women to realize. But take a look around at the way guys behave, and ask yourself if it isn’t true.
Unless you are a man, you simply have no idea how powerful this message from "body us" can be. Just as "body you" says to eat three times a day, men’s bodies tell them they need to have sex, at a minimum, of every few days. The younger a guy is, the more often his body will demand it. The longer you go without food, the more desperate "body you" becomes for food. The same is true with men and their sex drive. Men are almost always in a constant state of desperation. That desperation makes them both easy to control, and possibly dangerous. If someone is starving and you have a sandwich, they will either do whatever you want for it, or they will knock you over the head and take it.
Conclusion: The entire focus of a man’s sexuality is having an orgasm. That is it!Fact 6: Women are more complicatedWomen have a much more complex role in the survival of the species. The best way for a woman to make sure her physical traits are passed on is to make sure the children she has survive.
Women are less strong physically. Women get pregnant, which is in itself very limiting physically. Furthermore, women are busy taking care of the kids. In a primitive setting, a woman is very dependent on a man to hunt (or get a job), to provide for her children, and to protect them. This is a difficult position for a woman to be in, because now she is depending on a guy whose body is telling him to chase after every other woman! Thankfully the modern age has provided some relief, in that a woman now can earn a living, there are laws to provide security, and she can get by without a guy if she has to. Still, it is not ideal.
Nevertheless, a woman’s body tells her things based on the above reality. For a woman, the best way to pass on her traits, which is to ensure the survival of her children, is to get a guy who is as good of a protector and provider as possible, to be loyal and dedicated to her. Not an easy task!!!
Conclusion: The entire focus of a woman’s sexuality to obtain as strong of a commitment as possible from the best protector and provider as possible.Fact 7: When something is scarce, it makes people want it more.This is just a fact of life. If something is scarce, it makes it seem more valuable. Even worse, is if we have something and we think we are going to lose it, it makes us seem to want it more than we really do.
This fact applies especially to how we feel about those of the opposite sex. Keep it in mind. "Body you" will fall for this one every time!
Fact 8: Love is really nothing more than having someone's best interest in mind.This is all love really is. You admire, respect, and care about another person’s wellbeing, so you always try to act in their best interests.
Wanting to be around someone by itself is not love. For instance if a boy says to a girl going away to college, "Don’t leave, I miss you, I love you!!!", that guy is full of it. If he really loved her, he would have her best interests in mind. He wouldn’t ask her to do something against her best interests just to satisfy his wants! Not love!!!
Fact 9: The feeling of "being in love" is really nothing more than lusts.Keep this fact in mind with fact 8. The strong emotions that you feel is "body you" telling you that this would be a great person to have children with. Of course, it doesn’t mean "brain you" necessarily wants to have children. Remember, "body you" is kind of a moron.
Keep this fact in mind. This feeling can come on very quickly, and can be very overwhelming. Be careful what type of situations you put yourself in. This feeling can cause "body you" to throw "brain you" completely out of the window. When this happens, expect all sorts of awful consequences for "brain you" to have to deal with when you come back to your senses.
Fact 10: Movies, tv shows, songs, and books about love are pretty much full of crapBy definition, any story that is meant to be entertaining is usually more interesting than reality. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t be watching it. You would be sitting around watching reality! These shows are designed to appeal to "body us" ‘s fantasies of what we wish reality was. One of the big fantasies that entertainment gives to us, is the idea that there is such a thing as sex without consequences. There is no such thing!
In other words they are a bunch of crap. And "body us" thinks it is all true! I might have forgotten to mention this, but that "body us" guy is a total moron.
Expect to be horribly disappointed if you ever find yourself thinking, "hey this is going to be like that movie, I am going to be like so-and-so, and the other person is going to be like so-and-so" or "it worked like this in that movie, so it will work like this for me".
Fact 11: You are better off in the long run, seeing the world the way it is, not the way you wish it wasThe simple fact is that if we run around thinking and acting like the world is one way, and it isn’t, the world usually is very nasty about letting us know how wrong we are. On top of the awful correction the world gives us, we usually end up feeling pretty bad as well for being so dumb. As a result, it is always better to see the world as it really is, then to run around kidding ourselves.
You often find that if you are mistaken about reality, it is because there is some thing that "body you" isn’t happy about. There are facts that can be so uncomfortable, that we will go to tremendous effort to fool ourselves, and usually with painful results. Man that "body us" guy is a moron!
Now if you are very realistic in your views it will rub a lot of people the wrong way, because now you are interfering with their efforts to not be realistic. They may act like you are a big, mean, old grump. That may be true. But usually the real grumps are people who ran around with all these big, dumb ideas, got burned really bad, and now they are very bitter!
Common Scenarios: Add up all those facts, and you end up with the following very common situations that men and women find themselves in.For Women:Common Scenario 1: Women think, "I don't have a boyfriend, I must not be pretty".Ok, this is "body you" being a huge moron. Whether or not you are pretty has nothing to do with whether or not you have a boyfriend. "Brain you" needs to be on the ball here, and recognize that having a boyfriend in no way says anything about your worth as a person. Rather it is a very important and careful decision that needs to be made with plenty of advice from people who have been there, done that.
Common Scenario 2: Women think, "If I can get that bad boy to like me, or behave, it will mean I am pretty"You will see this one ALL THE TIME. In this one, "body you" is trying to prove how great you are. If you really are great, you don’t need to prove it. These guys also are appealing because "body you" thinks they will make good protectors. That may be true, but these types of guys are also notoriously bad at being providers (holding down a decent job). If a guy is a jerk, don’t expect to change him. One of the great secrets of life is that we cannot change other people! Never try!!! When these types of guys are appealing you need to straighten "body you" out. Sometimes you only learn this one the hard way. And it is a very hard way.
Common Scenario 3: Women think, "If I sleep with him (or get pregnant), he will love me, if he loves me, it will mean I am pretty."This one comes up because of the focus of a woman’s sexuality. It is human nature to think that other people are like you. The woman makes the mistake of thinking the guys sexual focus is the same as hers. IT ISN"T. This will not make the guy love her. In fact it will likely make him love her less. Remember, what is scarce appears to be more valuable.
Common Scenario 4: Women think, "I am pretty, I can get this desperate guy to do whatever I want".This is probably the ideal situation to be in. Just remember the golden rule here. Take it easy on the guy, because the golden rule has a nasty cousin, "What comes around goes around".
Common Scenario 5: Women think, "He is really possessive, or jealous, or controlling, or violent, it must be because I make him lose control because he loves me so much, which means I am pretty"This one is often associated with "bad boys". The fact that a guy acts this way does not mean he loves you. Love is having a person’s best interests in mind. This scenario does not describe care for a person’s best interest, so it must be something else. It certainly isn’t love.
Common Scenario 6: Women think, "I can fix him, he will change, if he changes it will mean I am pretty".This one is also of the associated with "bad boys". Again, one of the great secrets of life is that we cannot change other people! "Brain you" needs to be very aware whenever this thought crosses your mind. When it does, it is "body you" being it’s usual moron self.
Common Scenario 8: Women think, "If I can make him jealous, it will show he cares about me, if he cares about me it will mean I am pretty."
Yeah this is probably true in a way. It doesn’t mean he loves you. The question you have to ask is does this person’s behavior have your best interest in mind. If not, then it isn’t love. Another thing about jealousy; people think everyone else is like them. If a guy is always accusing you of cheating, that is because he thinks everyone cheats, which means…. Yep you guessed it!
And be careful about making guys jealous. If you have to make him jealous for him to show he cares, does he really care? And jealous guys tend to do violent things like beat up or even kill people, even you! Plus, it just isn’t a very nice thing to do. Nobody likes to feel jealous. And I read something somewhere about how we should be doing to other people the way we want to have things done to us.
Common Scenario 9: Women think, "If I can make her boyfriend like me, it will mean I am prettier than she is"This is probably true, but there has to be an easier way to prove it! If you do this, nobody will trust you. And if jealous men are bad, jealous women are the scariest things on the planet! This woman will likely do everything in her power to completely destroy you in every way. There are plenty of guys around, find one that won’t make you any enemies and ruin your reputation!
Common Scenario 10: Women think, "If I can get a lot of boys to like me, that will mean I am pretty"This is probably true as well. But just remember what a guy’s entire focus is sexually, and remember how desperate people can be dangerous. If you have a sandwich and one person is starving, you have your hands full. Now imagine you have a crowd of starving people! This will also eventually cause a lot of ugliness, because only one person is getting that sandwich! Everyone else is not going to be happy about that.
Common Scenario 11: Women think, "I hate her! A lot of boys like her! She might be prettier than me!"This might be true as well. There is always going to be someone prettier. Even if you are the prettiest, wait a few years. It will change. If "body you" is sending you this message you need to grow up.
Common Scenario 12: Women think, "If I dress like a tramp, boys will pay more attention, which will mean I am pretty".This is true. If you dress like a tramp, you are going to make every male think that they might fulfill the focus of their entire sexuality. You will get attention; all sorts of attention. You might get attention from all those guys who would make great providers, protectors, and who would give you cute kids. You will also get all sorts of attention from the ones who will not. You will get attention from all sorts of guys you would really not want attention from. Remember that men are desperate, and therefore possibly even dangerous.