Is Having Kids Worth It?

by Prisca 103 Replies latest social family

  • smurfette
    smurfette
    "it's a crap shoot any way you look at it"

    Francois' statement may sound harsh but also rings of truth. My personal opinion is that kids are a risk but I think they are worth it. Among my cousins and sibling we have kids who grew up to be bethelites, bartenders, loggers, street thugs, addicts, and some who are just starting college. You can't pick their personalities all you can do is love them and try your best by them.

    It sounds like you need to listen to your heart and head in this matter if you want kids and the man your with does not. That signals a big problem later in the relationship. You may feel resentment towards him later. Just make sure it is your decision together and not just his.

    Take the advice from the girl married 9 years with no kids with a grain of salt!

    -Smurfette

  • Francois
    Francois

    Well, Shelia, apparently your bluntness has generated more of its own in kind. I take it you read the other posts that followed your own. I did not equate my experience with all children, I merely told my own story. If you saw it as a blanket statement, that's a perception problem of your own.

    You make a very large assumption thinking that my son knows how I feel about his drug use - he doesn't. He DOES know how I feel about all the illegal activity that he has engaged in to SUPPORT that drug use.

    Yes, he had motivation to get the GED, I was standing in the room serving as test monitor.

    You "can see [me] being angry at his being consumed with drugs but the other baffles me" What baffles you? Could you make yourself clear? How much insight and understanding do you have concerning heroin use, injecting cocaine, methamphedamine and the others? From your naive comments, I suspect none.

    You say, "I have two children that don't drink, nor do they do drugs nor have they ever done druges nor do they associate with people that do drugs..." As much as I have always liked you Shelia, you are a very foolish woman to make such remarks. I know plenty of mothers who have made such comments right up until the minute they were called down to the hospital morgue to identify their children - dead from an overdone. So don't be so damned smug. You might have to eat those words one day. I certainly hope not, but frankly when your eyes are NOT FOCUSED ON YOUR CHILDREN, you don't have the slightest idea WHAT they're doing. Did your parents know what you were doing with Thunder when you two weren't sitting at their dinner table or otherwise in their home?

    A drug counselor told me once that the problems was always far, far worse than we thought it was, and took far, far longer to solve than we thought it was going to. He said if a kid admitted to "trying" pot one time, you could count on his having smoked a bushel of it.

    I fear you are, or you will soon be living in a dream world and the only person who can change that is YOU.

    Let's hear it from you other parents who were surprised to discover exactly what it was that YOUR perfect little guys and gals were up to.

    The fact is that you were not there, you did not walk even an inch in my shoes, and you are therefore supremely unqualified to utter one peep in judgement of my comment. Frankly I think you're pumping sunshine up your own skirt Sheila. And it's mothers like you who are hurt the worst when the worst happens to their children. You'd be doing yourself a favor if you'd simply wake up and look around. Go to a drug rehab counselor and have a heart to heart and then come back and tell us about it.

    One final point. Just before I found out about Robbie and his Heroin I said to my best friend, "Thank God, Robbie never got into drugs." It wasn't a week later I discovered that he and his girlfriend WERE into drugs, and his girlfriend was dead, by her own hand, hung by the neck with her own clothing in the Gwinette County, GA medical lock-down. Now, tell me all about your kids and what they don't do, never have done, never will do, and all that other hot air you shot at me.

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM
    ! You have no idea what it's like to live with dysfuntional stupid high school dropout siblings who don't understand common sense from tweaking their brains out on drugs! Th

    Spunky if you had READ my post I said I have two sibling that were drug addicted. I do know two things about what you said one is that parents need to take responisbility for THEIR actions that affect THEIR children. Also I GAVE BIRTH NATURALLY TWICE once at home and it isn't that horrible nor is raising children I am sorry that your Mother has made you feel that it is.

    Since I have two grown children I don't see how I "have no idea." My siblings I think would have been a lot different if my Father wasn't a controlling asshole and I always will believe our children are products or what we show them. So since you obvioulsy don't have children HOW DARE YOU CALL ME ON NOT KNOWING WHAT I am speaking about. You have siblings and you know the score YA RIGHTTTTTTTT

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    Francois: I am PM'ng you.

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    To answer your question, yes, at least from my perspective. My oldest daughter will be 40 in a couple of weeks and she looks 20! My youngest son is 19. I have three other sons and a daughter ranging from the early to late thirties.

    You are in the best position to know your situation. One of the things I have learned about life, is, accepting both the good and bad, and making the best possible use of all situations/circumstances. After reading a number of your posts, that should not be a problem with you. The best.

    Guest 77

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    Guest are you ever going to get your name fixed on here?????? I wish Thunder and I had more children

  • Yerusalyim
    Yerusalyim

    Prisca,

    I think having kids is well worth it. I'd do it again if my marital situation were better. I'd GIVE you kids if I weren't married...WOOOHOOO! Not that you'd have me, but one could wish...differences and all. Hold out for a guy that wants kids!

  • outoftheorg
    outoftheorg

    Well guys, like everything else, having children has its positives and its negatives.

    I personally am disappointed in my children. Although they with one exception, are what could be called good children. No drugs or other addictions that I am aware of. Most are out of the borg and some still in. None of them seem to be interested in me or my life or well being. At least to the degree that I feel, most parents want.

    The borg is somewhat responsible for this, some of it is my fault. Some of it is my ex wifes fault.

    My advice would be, that all things considered, it would be wise to only have two or three at the most.

    Be aware that there is a lot of work and responsability and effort required.

    Show them lots of love and support. Be forewarned and willing to let them go when they mature and do not expect too much from them in return.

    Be willing to modify our own life and needs and wants and sacrifice them to be able to give them the care and attention that children need.

    Then maybe, just maybe, we will end up with an extended family of children and grand children that are all interested in and display true love for each other.

    If only I could do it over again.

    Outoftheorg

  • Francois
    Francois

    SHEILA

    If you do not have the courage of your own convictions that will allow you to respond to my post in public and out in the open just as I posted in the first place, then attempting to hide behind a PM won't do you any good. It will not be read, it WILL be deleted.

    I note your viewpoint and outlook did not meet with much agreement, thus in our contest of opinions it looks like I have taken the day.

    francois

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    Worth it?

    I can only give you my personal opinion, everyone has different life experiences that will influence how much they enjoyed (or regretted) having children. I had four kids over the space of 13 years. They have been my reason for living. Nothing in life can compare to that moment when they put your newborn baby in your arms for the very first time, the love between infant and mother is like no other. This is followed by the first smile, the first baby steps, the first words, the first day of kindergarten......I can't imagine my life without all these firsts.....I am so lucky!

    There are many challenges to raising children, but I think that the good times outweigh the bad times....at least in my case....so I would say that having my kids was definitely worth it.

    I guess when you decide to have children it is important to go into it without rose colored glasses on, that way when the tough times come, you won't be too disappointed....and the tough times will come, that is just the way life is....having kids is a lot of work, but the rewards are hugs, kisses, and (if your lucky) grandchildren one day!

    Mrs. Shakita

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