Is Having Kids Worth It?

by Prisca 103 Replies latest social family

• 

  cruzanheart

  Prisca, it depends on what "it" is -- why do you want to have kids? Big Tex and I had kids because we wanted to be parents and raise a generation that would NOT be abusive, that would break the chain of abuse in his family, and because we felt that we had a lot of love to give to a child or children. Besides, the basset hound worked out SO well . . . .

  Anyway, I have absolutely, definitely no regrets whatsoever. If anything, I regret that we didn't start earlier so we could have had more children (seemed like too much of a crap shoot to try for more after I turned 40), an idea which leaves our 9-year-old speechless in horror at the thought of more siblings.

  They are fun, noisy, aggravating, endearing, and the absolute epitome of love. Answer to your question: YES!!!!

  Nina
• 

  jgnat

  When my daughter found out she was pregnant, the in-laws told her her life was over. I said, not at all. It is just 20 years hard labour. I also say that parenting is the number one guilt-producing profession. On the plus side, we are building the next generation, a most noble task. Having children is proof we have hope for the future.

  I have two children, both adults. One has chronic medical problems, which will cause me heartache forever. My other is a joy to be with; smart, strong, capable. I toyed with the idea of starting a new family with a new partner (since I finally had the whole parenting thing figured out), but I was relieved that my honey would rather not. Besides, being a grandma is loads more fun.

  Ravyn's fostering idea sounds great. In the meantime, you will be trained in parenting. Too many folks leave it to instinct, and end up falling in to the same bad habits their parents had.

  Which doesn't make the job of deciding any easier does it?
• 

  little witch

  Lw, hubby, and four kids...serioulsly, this raspberry is for RF, and Frank...

  TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBTHHHHH...

  Ya lossed out guys...losers......

  Real men, stay around...

  Ps, Mr. says, sorry bout that awful factory job, RF....

  BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa
• 

  Prisca

  LOL @ LW and LW's hubby

  *high-fives LW*
• 

  refiners fire

  Witch. I dont argue with morons who act like theyre still attending kindegarten and I dont work in a factory. Anyway, Im finished with you. Post what you like.
• 

  WildHorses

  Like BG said, it depends on which day you ask me. Kids can be a great joy and also a pain in the royal rear end.

  One thing is for sure though. My children are the only ones in my life that have ever given me total unconditional love. They can be mad as hell at me and complain about me to their friends, but you best believe that their friends better not say anything bad about me when they do.

  If they see me cry, they comfort me. They laugh with me when I am happy.

  I admit, I have at times said I wish I never had children, but deep down, I am glad I did. We are here for each other. I love them and they love me.
• 

  nowisee

  hi prisca,

  i have been busy lately, not around too much, ---- when i do come on it takes me hours to read the threads that interest me, and then i am falling asleep.....

  anyway, thanks for the opportunity tonight to answer you personally -- i have always enjoyed your posts; you have keen perception, intelligence and insight.

  for many years during my first marriage (age 2l-28) i wanted babies, had one miscarriage which was devastating, and then tried without success to become pregnant. this was a very disappointing and difficult time in my life.

  when i left jws and first husband i went through my "promiscuous" phase and decided i loved my children too much to have them -- this of course was under the lingering influence of wts which had me convinced that armageddon was coming any second, and unwillingness to raise a child as a single parent. i had myself "fixed" at age 30 despite protests from friends and doctors. yet i knew in my heart (and perhaps because i had made the mental adjustment to childlessness) that this was the correct path for me.

  i can't tell you how many times in the intervening years that i have been grateful for that decision: every time i hear of a friend who loses a child to drug abuse or any number of other causes, when i see the difficulties my in-laws have raising their children, etc., when i hear of children suffering from diseases, when i contemplate how difficult it is financially, when i hear questions from little ones that seem unanswerable.

  i have seen a few that have had wonderful life experiences with their children, i have seen others who, even though they love their children, would not have had them by choice, i have seen some who have had their lives torn apart by the experience. i am glad for the decision i made.

  so the bottom line is no profound words of wisdom from me. go with the flow. adjust. may you be blessed whatever happens, whatever you decide.

  very best wishes, nowisee
• 

  Robdar

  Prisca,

  I had one child (the pill didn't work) and I worried about bringing that child into the world and decided not to have anymore because Armageddon was so close. Well Armageddon never came. For many reasons, too many to name here, I did not have more children. I regret that decision. Because of my hysterectomy, there will be no way to change that decision. If I had a chance to do my life over again, the only thing, the ONLY thing, that I would do differently is to have more children.

  Granted, there will be bad times when your kids hit puberty but with a little patience and much love things will work out splendidly.

  Should I rule out the chance of having kids, in order to give myself more choices in finding a life partner? Or should I not worry about those who don't have the same goals regarding children, and find someone who is, even though that greatly reduces the chances of finding a decent guy?

  No need in pairing up with a man who doesn't want children. He will only resent you for wanting them.

  Is having kids all that it's cracked up to be? Do you regret having kids, or is it the best decision you ever made?

  Best decision I ever accidently made.

  If you had kids, and found yourself single, how would you feel if you met someone who wanted kids? Would you be able to be persuaded, or would you let them go, so that they could have the chance to achieve something that is important to them?

  I would have more children with that partner.

  I wish you much success in finding the man you love. May your house echo with the laughter of your little ones.

  Robyn
• 

  BLISSISIGNORANCE

  Prisca...................all I can say is that firstly you need to find a man who will be strong and supportive, and make sure he is mentally stable. You'll need him to have those qualities to help you in bringing up kids.

  You need a man to get pregnant, but more importantly you'll need him to be there as the kids grow up.

  Yes, you can do it on your own, but it is much better as a couple.

  IMHO, it is a huge job. I did it on my own for a long time and while the kids were little it was physically demanding. But as they got older the challenges became bigger and were more emotionally and mentally demanding.

  Seriously, it's not an easy thing, bringing up kids. I've had many tears and much heartache. Sure, you love them, but it's not about love. It's about the reality of the problems you WILL face. Drugs are a huge problem in our society today and they really mess our kids up. That is the biggest problem in our family. Drugs bring into your home violence, lying, stealing, abuse, anger and madness. Are you prepared for that? Sure, not everyone ends up with a drug problem.......but it is very prevelant and from my personal experience there is more chance of it happening than not.

  Some people have pets and when they lose them they refuse to have anymore because of the pain. It's not that they suddenly don't like pets, they just don't want the pain again.

  For me parenting has been a difficult time. I guess I wish I could be more enthusiastic, and maybe in time I will.............but for the things I'm going through now, I suggest thinking long and hard about having kids. I have 3 kids and only one has a drug problem........the others are fine, yet the one can upset the whole family and we all suffer.

  That's why I said 1st find a dependable man..........you don't need to pre-empt too much, just fall in love and then whatever happens, you'll cope because you love eachother. Whether you end up having kids or not, you'll still be happy.

  I really do love my kids Prisca, but it hasn't been what I hoped for.

  Cheers, Bliss
• 

  SpunkyChick

  Prisca - Since you are thinking about having kids, you could be a foster parent and get paid to try it out! If the kid/baby doesn't work you can always have it placed in another home....

  And I say again to the anger that errupted on this thread, PEACE! It's not worth getting one's blood pressure raised over thread topics!