The Society's response to my letter regarding my dad's suicide

by cruzanheart 92 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • joe_from_kokomo
    joe_from_kokomo

    Nina & BigTex:

    I reread your letter from the original posting. It choked me up the 1st time I read it, and it did once again this time. Then I read the Society's hollow, empty, uncaring, unfeeling reply. It is clear that they are practicing blame-shifting guilt-trap tactics in their response to you... I could pick it out so clearly.

    I particularly appreciated this comment from your original letter:

    You have behaved exactly like the Pharisees whom Jesus condemned. You will have to answer to Jehovah for your actions. (Matt.25:41-46) I have nothing but contempt and disgust for you.

    This is so well put. It was my impression from a first read of their reply that they treated your father, and now you for bringing an injustice to light, as "Amharets". Like dirt. This is just what they did.

    Having been "in" for 6 years and now recently "out", I can readily recall how wrong this whole disfellowshipping process is. You are treated with contempt, unable to speak at meetings, OR BE SPOKEN TO, and then, after much mental anquish, after much humility and shame, and after being treated by practically everyone in the congregation with disgust for your deeds - deeds that are supposed to remain confidential, but which leak out thru the elder's wives network in the ladies room- are indelibly etched in the minds of every gossipy judgemental person there, and even those who are not so much that way, but end up that way out of sheer conformist behavior.

    Then, the disfellowshipped one is "welcomed back" and everythings supposed to be A-OK. Just fine. I'm OK, you're OK. But, it's not. The elder's wives network has already condemned you forever. I know one elder's wife who would tell every one about DSFings that went back 20 years... never forgotten, always at the tip of her tongue to bring forth as dirty laundry gossip when that person's name came up in conversation. Yes, we don't believe in Hell, but for some we create it here on Earth.

    My first congregation had a P.O. that sounds like yours. A nasty, sour, uncaring miserable autocrat. A dismal excuse of a man. We left that congregation because of him and his attitude that permeated the whole congregation. Really, a congregation of JWs is a top-down societal microcosm, and the P.O.'s personality determines for the most part if it is a loving congregation, or a selfish and dismal one. It sounds like yours was the later, unfortunately for your father.

    We were luckier, I guess, as the 2nd congregation was full of loving elders that DID go out of their way to take care of most of the elderly and infirm ones- in fact, there were quite a few in the congregation, and they got regular visits and care when they were sick in the nursing homes. One pioneer sister coordinated meal deliveries between many sisters to make the load light. It was a warm and loving congregation. Unfortunately for us, the lies of the Society and its cultic influence became too much to bear, but it was not the folks in the congregation...

    OK, I rambled a bit there. I have one last point, though. We lost someone in our company where I work last summer - he committed suicide. Everyone liked him, too, and all were shocked. All of us felt like we did not do enough for this person. That somehow each one of us should have known, should have done more, should have gotten to know this person better, should have stopped by the house, should have done something... anything. We still feel that loss, and I am talking about a coworker. So, I cannot begin to know the sadness you must feel for your father. It must be a 1000 fold greater...

    Last but not least, I would like to apologize for the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society and for the anonymous clerk in the Legal Department that wrote that thoughtless reply. "They know not what they do...", Jesus said. It rings true again. These people will stop at nothing to maintain unity. The Truth is not a factor. Justice is lost. Self-idolatry of the organization is all that matters...

    Pity them. Work to forgive them if you can. Pray for strength in the days ahead... Pray for them when you can forgive them some day. (I am still working on this myself, so I know it may take a while.)

    May God comfort you and your family in the days ahead.

    ==========================================

    Note to Sword of Jah: You have your freedom of speech, but seem to have lost touch with your "Bible-trained conscience". Your comments remind me of the remarks of 13 year-olds with no maturity. Why do you want to stumble others?? And, if you are so keen on the Society, why are you on this BB in the 1st place? You can be DF'd for this at your local congregation if you get caught. Run on home now...

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    Thank you, joe -- that was a lovely post, obviously from the heart. Yep, forgiveness will take a while. But it is such a good feeling to be free from that whole system of things, as they are fond of saying. I'm a year out now, and I have a real peace inside that I lacked for years. I was a Witness my entire life and believed everything wholeheartedly, so leaving was like cutting off a limb, but it was most definitely the right decision.

    Take care,

    Nina

  • confuzcious
    confuzcious

    Dear Nina and Big Tex,

    I want to say how sorry I am that all this has happened to you guys.

    My best friend committed suicide 7 years ago. He was an MS, and they removed him on a technicality. He was the "brother in charge" during a cruise and some of the younger "sisters" got drunk and he was to blame.

    After he was removed, his wife - now feeling she was married to a "nobody," left him.

    He then committed suicide.

    I have since dealt with is death. Although I will never be over it, I've dealt with it.

    But one thing that has changed me forever was the way his memory was treated afterward.

    I was counciled by an elder AT THE HOSPITAL for crying because, after all, "He just committed self-murder."

    This affected me profoundly, because at the time, I thought it I was sinning for having feelings and it took me a long time to come to grasps with my own feelings.

    Anyway, about 5 years later, I got into trouble. It was my fault. But I got removed as an MS.

    People looked down upon me as pond scum.

    The worst part about it, was that I and my wife, pioneered for 9 years straight.

    I CARRIED people spiritually. I bandaged the weak. I poured oil on the sick.

    I gave my heart and soul to the organization.

    I not only kept the "law," but I kept each and every one of their "unwritten" laws. I was a model JW.

    But the day they stripped me of the "title," it was as if nothing I ever did mattered.

    I know your father must have felt this way, but I felt like a 10 ton Bull who not only carried myself, but half the congregation with me.

    But the day the Bull gets sick, he was not cared for but sent out to the slaughter.

    And I am not stupid. I see these looks people give me.

    But to add salt to the injury, I was always counciled that, "Oh, you're exagerating." and "Oh, really??? I don't see anyone that is looking at you differently."

    Tex and Nina, my heart goes out to you. And especially to your father.

    But understand that I know his feelings.

    With much love,

    Confuzcious

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    (((((Confuzcious)))))

    Nina

  • SwordOfJah
    SwordOfJah

    To cruzanheart:

    (I am posting this private email I sent you since that's what you prefered).

    I wanted to let you know that I did not intend to offend you nor your husband by my post regarding the response from the Society to your letter. I was only presenting a view that you might have missed.

    I am very sorry about your dad. I know how it feels, I lost mine 5 years ago and I remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was a different circumstance than yours, but I know I felt a pain that is undescribable. He was my best friend. I'm sure your dad was a great man and Jehovah does remember him and his faithfulness.

    I mentioned the words that the Society wrote on the first paragraph as being a hope, because that's what got me through such a hard time. The resurrection hope is very dear to my heart. I hope you find comfort in Christ.

    Your brother,

    swordofjah

  • minimus
    minimus

    Hi Nina and Big Tex, My sympathies are with you,especially at this time. I would like to give you a little suggestion. Don't write another letter to the Society. Why frustrate and hurt yourselves more? You know what the bottom line of the organization is. You know that the Society's letter was composed to blame you and not the elders. Sad truth: That's the way there are and it is. Please don't torture yourselves. I say this because I care about you.......Regarding SOJ, I have a feeling that he was not trying to be callous. You have to remember he's a somewhat believing JW but not 100% in agreement or else he wouldn't post here. During times like these, we should not have to hear a defense of the Watchtower Society and their cronies. They have a history of covering over their own transgressions for the sake of the organization. I believe God will judge them for what they've done to hurt or kill people. Some things we can destroy ourselves over, that ultimately, we can not change. You and I will never change the organization. And hopefully, if the organization makes us change, it's because we have seen through it and stopped allowing it to dictate our happiness.......God bless you and your family during your sadness...min

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    SOJ: Thanks.

    Minimus: I think you're right about not writing another letter. Their reply didn't upset me -- I'm actually feeling pretty good these days and just about free of the Borg -- because that's what I expected, if I received anything at all. Of course they're not going to change!

    Nina

  • Thunder Rider
    Thunder Rider

    Sword Of Just A Hoax,

    Think before you post. If you want to argue doctrine and scripture that's fine express your opinions. When it comes to a families pain at the hands of others and you feel you must side with the "evil doers" state your case and then put a sock in it.

    Nina and Tex have every right to be comforted and supported by their friends. That would be the rest of us. If you haven't been able to percieve the evil that has infiltrated YOUR religion than I might suggest you see an eye doctor.

    Do you have a right to post anything you want? Sure. Does it help? Sometimes. Does it hurt? If so, keep it to yourself. Or do you get off making light of the pain of others?

    I don't have a lot of friends. I consider Nina and Tex to be two of them though. I wonder could the Sword of Just A Hoax stand up to the Sword Of Braelor??? Doubt it.

    Thunder

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    confuzcious

    God, man, I am so sorry to hear what you had to say. How awful. What's even worse is that holier than thou attitude and how they minimized what you were feeling. I think it takes living through that to really understand how frustrating and how painful it can be.

    It takes a while to heal the wound. Thanks for sharing what you went through.

    Be well.

    Chris

  • asleif_dufansdottir
    asleif_dufansdottir

    SOJ

    You need to understand that to defend an evil act makes you culpable. Each time you do this, you add to your karmic burden. Some day, it will come back to you in spades. I suggest you stop defending the evil acts of the society if you don't want to share in their judgement.

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